THE NATION – In a press conference, Leeroy Jenkins, star quarterback of the Grunts had this to say about the Grunts opponents this week.
“I’ll give you five reasons that Dignity should be banned from the League,” Leeroy said as he held up a grubby hand, counting off each as he went.
“First, the most offensive thing about Dignity, is that they are boring. Despite all the advertising and money attached, a bunch of supposedly high class players prance around the field for 16 turns and seldom come off the pitch with not so much as a broken nail.”
“One thing we can learn from watching Dignity, is that when an angry player comes up to you and tries to punch your face off, the best way to stop the fight is to give them a big hug,” he said while nodding before continuing, “Whereas if you are not an angry high elf and you run up and hug someone…that’s usually when the fighting starts.”
“In Dignity-speak, apparently running away from your opponent is considered ‘Strategy'” quoted Leeroy while making air quotes and rolling his eyes. “Whereas in actual blood bowl terms, it’s referred to as ‘being a pussy’.”
“In all of the advertisements for Dignity, they are referred to as the team of the century. Which is technically true, but we’re only sixteen or so years into that century…so they have 84-some more years to give us an actual team!”
“Dignity has received a combined total of 2 million dollars since inception, whereas at the last Grunts game we received $50 from the wallet of the gnome we hit with the bus on the way home…and a coupon for mani-pedi’s…we used it.”
“I’ll see you guys later,” said Mr. Jenkins before running off down the hallway yelling “Let’s do this!!!”