Apologies to all the fans out there, RL issues have meant I’ve been unable to tell the exploits of the Speedo Heroes last few games, suffice to say my prediction of being soundly thrashed in each match has pretty much come to pass, Norse at this Tv are a difficult prospect and my coaching skills are possible slightly below par for the environment. I have (and will continue to) tried to make each and every match as entertaining and challenging as possible for the audience and my opponent, i hope I’ve succeeded, but that’s for you guys to decide……. What follows is the report of my final match of the season, hope you enjoy it! 🙂
Order of the Holy Squirrel (Bretts)
Eilivaror Knew it would happen today, the Corvids had gathered at dawn, thier black feathers almost shining with ill omen, thier cries and shrieks disturbing and finally breaking his slumber. His dreams recently had turned from a nice encounter with a certain Witch Elf (’nuff said) to darker thoughts, he could hear Nuffle calling to him to his alter, it would happen today…. Also he got a note saying that today would be a day of blood, a day of death, a day of payment for deeds that some thought could not go unpunished.
“Report to the stadium immediatly, new schedule means your playing today” thats all the note said, thats all it needed to say.
“Right lads, lets get this done, stop whining and start winning” Eilivaror’s jovial manner hid his mood, this was his team, his crew, his responsiblility, as they trooped out onto the pitch he recognised the opponents uniforms, a squad of steely eyed killers they had faced before, everyone a stone cold killer, the squirrel lovers. “look boss, its these guys, we drew last time coz they got lucky, we can win this” Sturla’s enthusiasm seemed infectious, they rest of the team started to lighten up, chatting, laughing, happy in thier ignorance. Eilivaror could see something they had missed, hadnt noticed, a new hardness around the edges of the player, like they where on a mission, no, a crusade he corrected hisself, yes, today would be the day.
The Capt met mid pitch, the Ref said nothing, stepped back, it was all in place. “So we meet again old chap” the Knight said, not quite meeting Eilivaror gaze “good luck and all that” he turned to leave having elected to recieve the kick off, then stopped, turned back and in a whisper only Eilivaror could hear said ” Sorry about this, code of chivalry and all that” “you dont have to do this,” Eilivaror reply was met by a look of sorrow ” but we do old chap, we where brought in specially for this, we are as much the victims as you, you see, she has our nuts” Eilivaror grimmaced, that was a mental image he could have done without. “Ok, lets get this done, and after this the debt is paid?” (see:Big hassle at the Castle ) “Yes, as far as we are concerned……. but others”?? he shrugged and moved into position on the heavily loaded front line, a look of pity written across his face.
the ball lands mid pitch and its game on, the peasants knock down and out 2 Norse in quick succession and cover the ball before a knight picks it up and carries it to safety, Fluffy roars and pounds down the pitch bowling over a blocker and stunning him before slamming down on him and KOing him, the rest of the team reposition for defence. The Bretts stun 2 Norse and move the ball up to the LoS, the Norse respond by marking up and piling on the pressure, Fluffy again roars and again floors a blocker injuring him, its now 9 V 9, no quarter being asked or given, the Norse responding to the Brett onslaught with a new ferocity. The Bretts are not holding back, they enter the Norse half pushing back and knocking over several players as they cage up to protect the ball carrier, a runner KO’s a peasant and Fluffy marks a Knight only for him to step away after a block from one of the Howler twins. Eilivaror starts to believe, his players are gaining the upper hand, the Howlers and Bezerkers are playing beyond thier normal skill, the runners are getting involved and blocking off routes and Fluffy is like a force of nature, unstoppable and deadly, he throws caution to the wind and blocks a blocker, marking the cage…we can do this!! A moment later hes picking himself up as the whistle for the first TD is blown, OK, maybe we did get a bit overconfident but we are getting the ball now he thinks. All the KOed players return and its game on, as the ball is kicked he catches ther Refs eye, he shakes his head, pats his pocket and turns away, the message is clear. Eilivaror is so enraged he throw himself against the peasant in front of him only to be met by a fist (Double skull) which he only manages to turn into a push, Fluffy again thunders past and smashes into the opposition injuring another blocker as he slams herself onto his prone form, the other players on the line are knocked down and a sneaky boot stuns a prone peasant…The Bretts seem dazed, however they all recover quickly and with a sickening crunch Jarl is hammered into the turf, play stops as the Apoth takes a look at him ” its not good, hes got a smashed collarbone, he will never row again unless its fixed” Eilivaror doesnt even hesitate ” fix him, do it now” the Apoth looks at him and slowly says ” that will take all of my skill, i may not be available should someone else get hurt, his eyes say so much more” ” do it now” eilivaror replies knowing hes signing off for the final time. As the game restarts a horn blows a single note around the ground, the crowd so vocal fall silent and as the Norse hesitate a peasant steps forward, Ketillsteinn seeing him move reacts and goes down without a sound, dead before his body has hit the turf, Old Man Preston has struck again and claimed another victim, there is silence as the body is carried from the pitch, even Fluffy is unable to stand, the Norse push on somewhat in shock, Jarl receiving treatment and Ketillsteinn dead?? how can this be, thier grief turns to anger and the Bretts are pushed back as the ball enters thier half, a Knigh siezing his chance knocks down the ball carrier, the only player in scoring range is Fluffy, shes up and bounds down the pitch only to trip and fall just short of the end zone, the half ends.
They set up for the second half, Eilivaror facing a Knight, ” this has to stop, have we not paid by now?” he asks. “One more soul, one more sacrifice should satisfy honour comes the reply, a big one” Eilivaror looks in the direction of his gesture, Fluffy stands on the line, unaware of the imminent threat ” good luck with that” hes sure Fluffy is capable of protecting herself from anyone on the pitch ” your looking the wrong way” the knight replies his concence and his sense of duty warring with him. Eilivaror looks towards the stands and beyond towards the seating for the nobles, off to on side he sees a figure, bloated with hate and ripe with revenge, her dough like hands holding a large x-bow her small porcine eyes glinting with evil intent as her finger tightens on the mechanism, Eilivaror’s knows what he must do and moves as the trigger is pulled………… a fire in his chest and a blinding flash of light, the faces of his team mates flash before his eyes………then nothing.
The match report later stated that a large part of the stadium roof had come away in the high wind and struck the Norse Capt., killing him instantly, no mention of the large shaft protruding from his chest over his heart, or indeed the fact the air was still that day, history it seems is always written by the victors
The game continued, the Norse shocked demoralised and outnumbered did what they could, which was mostly get knocked over or down, at one point Fluffy held the ball after a desparation play had seen the Norse thrower pass it to her, but outnumbered and out gunned she was knocked down and out, carried from the pitch and the Norse resolve left with her, the Bretts ran in another touchdown before the final whistle, no one cheered, in fact the stadium was almost empty, even Bloodbowl fans like a little sport with thier killing.
It ended 2-0 the Norse took thier dead and placed them on a ship which they set to sail and fired, it moved out of the harbour and was quickly engulfed in flames and sank, only then did someone ask the obvious question….. where did they get a ship from?
The Order of the Holy squirrels make to depart next morning, they played thier part and now want nothing more than to leave this place, however there is a small problem, thier ship is missing from the quayside, just a few burnt timbers and ash on the water……
The season ends and the Norse are a broken spent force, no closer to home and no money for replacement players, they must compete next season, but where?? wherever it is they will try a new approach.
PREACHMELDA? who knows? is she satisfied? or does she need to see Sturla cold and broken? only time will tell.
Footnote: The game was played at a hectic pace in good grace by myself and AndyC, This is a tale to fit the history of the teams story, Andy was a great opponent with ( my own not included) my favourite MML team, I have no problem with the game or the result, AndyC got a well deserved win and we chatted the whole game away, he was as gutted as I was at the deaths.