A Long way from Home

Part 1

“Captain, Captain” he could here them calling as they raced towards him over the sandy beach, dodging bits of ship, broken and jagged, avoiding the remains of the Skeletal horde that had assaulted them almost as soon as they had ran aground on this foul coast, Sturma & Skallaveig had been sent to scout the local area for threats, they where after all his fastest crew members. “yes boys, what did you find?” Eilivaror asked as they drew near, his attention drawn from the Howler twins who appeared to be eating…….Something….. why did he have to be Captain? he never asked for it, never wanted it, but when your the strongest, when your swimwear is that stylish it just falls that way he supposed.

“Slavers heading this way, Fat beardy blokes….. no, not like Bert, really fat!! and in armour” Sturma said as he skidded to a halt.

“Yeah, with some green stringy evil looking fellas with them” added Skallaveig

“Any monsters??

“Oh yeah, 2 geezers that look like their mums had a thing for strong drink and farm yard frolics” sniggered Skallaveig.

“….and you where going to mention this when??”

“Sorry boss, didn’t want to remind you of your Ex” Sturma quipped, dodging the slap that would have left him in a heap on the shore.

“Right, fetch me Bert & Jarl” assemble the crew, we kicked some bony ass last night, whoever this Hairy Warthead is he’s a memory now, licking his wounds in a cave somewhere”

The crew, or what remained of it stood in a semi circle around their Captain who flanked by this bezerker guards drew in the sand with a stick that looked suspiciously like a thigh bone and laid out his plans to deal with the stinking slavers and their ilk.

“So, we hit em, kick em and generally run around creating as much mayhem as possible until we all get knackered, then if they are Dwarves of any sort we all have beer and talk about pretty girls we met and ugly girls we left the next morning”

The Howler twins looked at each other uncomfortably “Boss….. we, err, we was wondering, with the ugly girls thing…. its like….” “Gentlemen,” Eilivaror knew what was coming, “as you’ve finished your seagull, where the hell did you find that anyway….? no I don’t want to know” (as clawed hands gestured in several directions at once) ” we are going to need your BIG sister for this one, could you do the honours?” The rest of the crew looked like they would rather be at a bikini waxing convention right now, however they stood firm, he just hoped that would be enough….

Fluffy was to once again lead the assault against the Undead, Chaos dwarves, humans, whatever this foul Isle had in store.. even Elves would fall before her until such time as no one stood against them or they stood no more……..

……Or they secured a modelling contract with a well known swimwear manufacturer….


…. To be continued….




  1. Lidhil will probably support this team with all his heart and… Well will support.
    Great laugh with the Ex part, thx for that post 🙂

  2. Great story! – Hilarious….. Loved playing against this team in the farm and wish them all luck moving forward! 🙂

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