Apocalypse Ad infinitum Pt.1

Hugh Mann arrived at Site B dressed in a plain grey suit. As he disembarked the ferry with briefcase in one hand he flashed his International Genetics credentials to port security. They read ‘Hugh Mann: InGen Apocalypse Head Coach’.
After a short journey riding in a corporate jeep he arrived at the Site B blood bowl stadium. A modest yet still impressive stadium, what it lacked in size it made up for with useful features such as beautifully maintained elf turf and an advanced broadcasting system.
Hugh met the team in Wyatt’s old office, as they gathered around him he sat at Wyatt’s desk and opened up his brief case. He drew out a large paper file and rested it in front of him. He leafed through the pages of the file a while saying nothing, the skinks began to twitch impatiently and T-Rex created a large puddle of drool as he stared blankly at the ceiling. Hugh eventually cleared his throat and began to speak…
“Members of the team, we have one game remaining this season. It is my intention to play that game as conservatively as possible. We will then commence implementation of this new Lizardman play book.”
He passed out a sheet of paper to all the players. Gehn looked at it in disbelief. The page header read: “How to coach Lizards correctly. One Kroxigor, Six Saurus and Four expendable Skinks. A study by MML champion coach Triperis.”
Even the Saurus looked confused. Paddles spoke up, “But sir, if we do this.. What makes us different from any other Lizards?” Hugh looked surprised, “Different? We aren’t here to be different uh..” he looked down at his file a moment then back at the Saurus. “..Paddles. We are here to win! At all costs!” Chameleon spoke now, “But coach, what about the fans? We have them to consider.” Hugh tapped his fingers impatiently, “Fans like winners! We aren’t here to put on an exhibition game every week!” Hugh circled his desk and stood among the team attempting to raise their spirits, “This is the first day of the rest of your careers! You will start to win again!” He tapped chameleon on the shoulder, “You will finally have the protection of six Saurus!” He turned to Gehn, “You won’t have to cage dive anymore! You’ll all see, this is better! This way we will win!” Then his expression quickly turned dark as he turned away and walked past T-Rex and the Saurus and nonchalantly said, “Of course some of you have already sustained career ending injuries.” He waved his hand casually at T-Rex, many of you will be replaced. As he passed by Bossk the Saurus reacted instinctively, the knot forming in his stomach materialised as a fist in his clawed hand and he struck Hugh on the back of the head. The human fell to his knees then slumped over, dead before he hit the floor.
“What a jerk”, he grumbled.
The team were stunned. Dino Newt piped up first, “Great! Well done you big dummy! What do we do now?!” Bossk shrugged as T-Rex picked up the dead human and started moving his arms and legs like a puppet, a questioning expression on his face. “That’ll never work!” yelled Gehn. Chameleon raised his hand with a grin on his face, “But it gives me an idea!” He darted around his old
coaches desk and accessed his
computer system. He searched ‘Blood Bowl coach Brain only, for sale’. The first result made the heart of the entire team leap, it read: ‘InGen warehouse clearance sale: Brain of blood bowl coach in cold storage, only slightly used’.
“But does he still even want to be our coach?! And how do we get the brain into this corpse and back to life?! We aren’t smart enough..” sighed Dino Newt.
Paddles rattled his metallic tail and looked at Swoop, they both nodded and Swoop said..
“We know a guy…”

The next day Count Fnords received a curious delivery. A human corpse, a brain in cold storage and a pile of cash. An accompanying note read:
“Lizardman coach, some assembly required. Please fix and return to site B, keep the money. Thanks,
InGen Apocalypse.”

 

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