Apocalypse Promoted

  • The press conference is an age old MML tradition whereupon coaches are interviewed and questioned before or after major league events. Previously little more than a Challenge League curiosity the International Genetics team called Apocalypse had never before been invited to host such a conference. However, with their promotion into the Pro League for season 9 the corporations Clade Masters felt it necessary to boost their public image, especially in light of the dark rumours being spread about them. Thus it was that the new InGen representative Hugh Mann stepped into the Site B press area to answer questions from excited reporters eager to get the best scoop on this new addition to the Pro League. Hugh was an exceedingly average looking man with an almost deliberate lack of memorable features to him. To describe him further might lend some unwarranted credit to one or more aspects of his utterly bland appearance.

As he quietly took his seat behind a long curved white desk Hugh took a moment to take in his surroundings. The new Site B press office was not excessively large, barely accommodating the twenty or so journalists of various races. It was simply decorated with white walls hosting a dozen or so prints of memorable MML moments. There was an especially prominent and large print at the back of the room depicting the Princes of Arioch celebrating with their trophy at the end of season 6. It was an obvious attempt to give these journalists the impression InGen Apocalypse were a chivalrous team invested in the history of the MML. The crowded room was buzzing but settled down as he cleared his throat and tested the small microphone rising from the table in front of him.

“Welcome to International Genetics! My name is Hugh Mann and I am the official spokesperson for InGen Apocalypse. Firstly I’d like to thank the MML league management for running such a great competition and hosting our team for a fourth season as we approach season nine. Season eight marked a significant improvement in our results and created a big increase in our fan base and name recognition. As such our Clade Ma- sorry excuse me, our Board Members have decided to call this meeting in order for me to answer your questions and introduce our team to an even wider public. So without further delay, are there any questions?”

Immediately a bare chested Norse leapt to his feet his hand in the air:”Hi, I am Sir Epirt from Golden Discipline weekly, is it true you run with only five saurus not six? If so, why? Are you mad?!”
The man remained standing his arms crossed.

“Thank you for your question. Whilst I can’t speak for coach Wyatt I believe the five or less Saurus rule has been with InGen for the entirety of his duration as coach. It’s his firm belief that our strength resides in our speed and counter attacking, not grinding down the opposition with strength alone. In fact we will be playing round one of season nine with just 4 Saurus on pitch.”

Gasps rang around the room and Sir Epirt sarcastically muttered “Good Luck” as he sat back down.
A smart looking human with a notepad was next with a question.

“Where is Coach Wyatt?”

Hugh Mann:”He recently had to commit more than usual time to his coaching responsibilities and won’t be appearing at any press events at present.”

The man pressed on…
“Are the rumours about InGen true? That it’s run by blood thirsty genetic mutants who kill and then eat humans. That they enslave those they don’t kill for food into service to their corporations diabolical pursuit of the perfect Human/Reptile Hybrid?”

Hugh Mann paused for a moment to bathe in the sudden silence this pointed question created. You could hear a pin drop as he leant forwards and spoke into the microphone…

“No that is false… The humans are alive during the feeding process and some even survive.”

The Mans jaw dropped. He fell back into his chair totally stunned as an Orc reporter next to him burst out laughing and clapping loudly. A completely unfazed skeleton raised its boney arm, as it spoke its mouth simply opened and an unearthly voice emanated from it.

“How do you plan to stop Rodentia Ad Nauseam from scoring?”

Hugh:”I can’t help but think you might be looking for tips yourself!”

The skeleton quickly closed its mouth, looked left then right then bolted out the room. Which was an unusually slow process and it was still wobbling it’s way towards the exit as Hugh continued.

“Regarding teams like R.A.N. or Los Pumas who are well established and highly competitive Pro teams all I can say is that it’s a privilege to
get to play against them. We at InGen aspire to one day have such an impressive MML franchise history as these teams do.”

The questions came in thick and fast.

“Derek Winkleberry – Daily Plague… Can you comment on the scurrilous allegations of inbreeding between InGen and Lord of the Skinks? Rumour has it you’re trying to splice orc and skink DNA in your hidden labs?”

Hugh shrugged a little too deliberately, “I’m not at liberty to discuss International Genetics research programs at this time.
But I can assure you of this, any “splicing” of Orc DNA would be detrimental to our breeding program. As for the Lord of the Skinks, we are contractually obliged by our sponsors to actively avoid collaborating with certain Lizardman teams. LOTS are one of those teams…”

“Dai Jones here, for skink news Saturday…… how do you feel having a rival lizard team in the same group? Do you think there will be much blood shed or a nice clean game?”

Hugh barely even turned his head in the direction of the SNS reporter.. “We will play the game we have to play in order to win. Is there a rivalry between our teams? Perhaps not, but the newest Skink to join lord of the skinks has not gone unnoticed.” He turned to fix his gaze intently on the reporter… “There’s only one true superskink in our playpool and I have it on good authority that ‘Conqaxl’ plans to out perform ‘Lounge’ both in our game and the entire play pool…”

Derek Winkleberry – Daily Plague… How will you be dealing with the accusations that Coach Thunden is “In Wyatt’s head” and holds a personal voodoo over him?

Hugh raised his right arm and gestured towards Derek Winkleberey with his hand. Two towering Saurus entered the room and seized the man, dragging him out of the conference. “I am sorry..” said Hugh over the Mans protests, “But Thunden is one of the Banned words at Site B.” Hugh pointed to a poster behind him with a list of words entitled “Wyatt’s strategic implosion trigger words.” Listed words included: Thunden, Nurgle, Claw and Horsemen.

Roger Todger, Daily Strumpet, how do you respond to the rumours that the Ingen Sauri were caught with their loincloths down at the seedy Up the Creek strip club recently? Reports say the *exposure* was not very impressive…

Hugh: “Sorry to disappoint you Mr Todger but those were in fact Lord of the Skink Saurus and not InGen saurus. Our Saurus don’t frequent such establishments and in fact were playing a play off game on the night in question. We usually enjoy post match celebrations in family friendly Goblin Gambling establishments like the ‘Bet on a One bar’ and ‘The Ham Troll – Where prices are Really Stupid’.

Chad McRad, reporter for Extreme and Dangerous, Blood Bowl aficionado and totally awesome dude here… let’s talk tactics… your last game you spent the first few turns making crop circles in the turf… can we expect to see more of this negative and, frankly, cowardly play this season?

“That’s an interesting question Chad. It entirely depends on the opposition, if they are set up to kill and bash then I expect Wyatt will not play into their hands and will avoid conflict until they are about to score. After all, why give them what they want? Frankly Chad I think you need to do some research, after all you just suggested that the team who won the ‘Unstoppable Force’ award in the Challenge league season 8 are ‘negative’…”

The press conference began to quiet down with only a few other questions being asked. Hugh decided it was time to wrap things up.

“Thank you all for coming out here today. I hope you’ve enjoyed visiting site B, major improvements to our stadium are still ongoing but we do plan to increase our facility levels in the near future. In conclusion Coach Wyatt has requested I read to you this brief statement.”

Hugh produced a small hand written note from his pocket. The paper was crumpled and torn in places. It was discoloured, marked and blood stained.

“Thank you for coming to learn more about my team. I am coaching them entirely of my own free will and I love the International Genetics corporation, they have been very good to me. I would like to thank all the wonderful coaches involved in this great league for making it possible, and the league management for all their amazing hard work. Season 8 was our best season ever, and I am very eagerly looking forwards to a new challenge in the Pro League. May all the injuries be badly hurt, all the touchdowns be beautiful, all the star players live long and may Nuffle bless your blocking dice.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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