Controversial Lizardman website LiziLeaks has released a swath of sensitive emails apparently leaked from office of the influential billionaire Drumph.
A surprisingly large percentage of these emails were seemingly irrelevant to almost everyone in the MML, from the mundane email requests like:
“Smaller coffee cups which will make my hands look bigger”
To the more bizarre ones containing policy notes such as this one:
“I have an idea, it’s a brilliant idea. Probably the best idea anyone’s ever had, it’s going to make Bretonnians very, very happy. I’ll tell you what my idea is, in one word, Apple Cores. We throw them away, why do we do that? We eat the apple we throw out the core. From now on we put them all in a box, I actually got the idea from a box in my own kitchen. I don’t know where it came from but I noticed that if you put apple cores in it they disappear at the end of the week and a new basket of fresh apples appears. It’s a brilliant system, it works very, very well. I want to see that implemented everywhere that people need apples or have spare, unused boxes.”
However, a certain email thread has created a huge buzz amongst MML coaches and officials ahead of the Goblin Gambling Bowl on Sunday. The Lord of the Skinks are due to play Drumphs very own Mousilion Morningstars and their match was very much the topic of conversation…
Unknown contact: “The bowl game Sunday has an impact on certain Goblin Gambling ventures. Of course, match fixing is a highly distasteful business into which we would never venture. But our subsidiary Lizard Gambling would like to inform you that, should you put on a show good enough to ensure that Lord of the Skinks winnings meet or exceed 50,000 gold coins… Thereby enabling their transfer aspirations with Lizard Gamblings premier sponsored MML venture InGen Apocalypse. We would be very… Very grateful. So much so that we would farm up a team of transfer options for you in season 11. The Goblin Gambling bowl should always stand above the rest in its high standards of entertainment, let’s keep that reputation alive…”
Fr:TheRealDrumph.: It’s all about being winners, not whiners…Some of my best underlings are goblins…Corrupt Commissioner…False news…What was the question??
Unknown contact: “Just get the fans in, we don’t care where their from so long as they pay the gate. If you do, Lizard Gambling owes you a favour. We are good friends to have. Also, don’t tell anyone about this. Definitely don’t twerp about it.”
Fr:TheRealDrumph.: “Fans? The fans love me, the ratings have never been so high. I mean ratings like you won’t believe. Of course the gate will be massive, I mean huge, and the Lizards will pay for it. Our matches have the largest crowds ever, unprecedented crowds. Far more fans are at our events than at Holy Squirrel events I think. Lame! Am I right?”
MML officials are going over these emails with a fine tooth comb but there is little hope they’ll gain any traction when dealing with the legal powerhouse at Drumphs disposal.
Whatever the outcome of this fascinating window into the behind the scene workings of the MML, these leaks have served to create an even greater anticipation for the Goblin Gambling Bowl…
Sunday 20th August 8pm BST 3pm EST
Goblin Gambling Bowl game between Lord of the Skinks and the Mousilion Morningstars.