The very word brings a strong reaction polarising coaches of all teams across the MML. Some love them and some despise them! Rumour has it that there was once a time long long ago when Eyepets were allowed to compete in the sport of BloodBowl. They had their own championships and leagues, Eyepet teams even sometimes competed against the power races. Legend has it that there’s evidence of Eyepet buried deep in the MML archives and that if you spin the www.mmlpro.com Random Player Profile enough times, you’ll get the greatest ever Eyepet player…
His name was Eyewuvyu. He captained his team ‘The Funmax Playpets’ through a 0-1-6 season and it was the events of their final game, their only draw, which ultimately ended Eyepet teams forever…
It was turn 16 and the Eyepets were 0-1 down. The opposing side had the ball, they were wood elves and so infatuated with the Eyepets that for the last 8 turns they had simply been playing with the creatures in their own half. The cute little creatures were giggling away whilst climbing the Treeman, high fiving the elves and rolling in the lush elf turf. The stadium was almost completely empty, only a handful of fans had even shown up to watch this farce of a game and all but one had left. A young die hard Eyepet fan named Rez was standing near the pitch waving his Eyepet flag in the glorious sunshine. This was the setting in which one of the elves momentarily forgot they were involved in a serious competition, whilst playing with an Eyepet the elf decided to toss him the ball. Of course the Eyepet failed to catch it, and into the crowd the ball went… Right to the feet of Rez! Rez gathered it up and called to his favourite player, Eyewuvyu was laying down in the end zone and stood up looking at Rez with a huge grin. The ball sailed through the air right into Eyewuvyus weird little hands. Touchdown! Thus Eyewuvyu became the all time highest scoring Eyepet with one touchdown.
The elves were in shock! The draw ultimately ended their hopes of reaching the play offs that season. After calculating the match winnings and crowd attendance the MML board unanimously agreed to ban Eyepet from ever competing in the competition. Apparently the Eyepets had actually lost the MML so much money that they were forced to cancel many charity programs planned for the next season such as ‘Pogo Pogo Splat’ and ‘Where Wolf?’. In fact it was determined that all evidence of Eyepet be erased from MML records, due to the toxic effect they had on gate and sponsorship deals.
Since those days only a few loyal Eyepet fans remain who still try to keep the legends alive, hoping the league never forgets the Eyepet. However, they are constantly berated and silenced by certain members of the MML board who know that the real cost of Eyepet and total funmaxing is too high to even be entertained.
As all the Eyepets packed up their toys to leave so long ago, there was one who just couldn’t leave. He was Eyewuvyus son: Eyehugyu. Eyehugyu idolised his father. He so desperately wanted to follow in his footsteps and maybe one day to match his all time scoring record! So when they were banished from the league he stayed behind, hiding in the dugouts of a wood elf team. There he grew up watching the game from underneath a card board box he had cut eye holes in. His awe and wonder for the game grew and grew whilst he was secretly cared for by sympathetic wood elves. Sometimes he would try to sneak onto the pitch and get involved in games! Once a werewolf mistook him for the ball and carried him all the way to the end zone before he realised! Only a quick thinking Wardancer saved him from being eaten with a great deal of salt. Another time he got to ride a Minotaur! But nothing compared to the time he saw a discarded children’s dinosaur costume under the seats after a game and pretended to be a skink. That’s how he got away with watching the games without having to hide!
That’s also how he managed to sneak into the InGen Apocalypse team unnoticed. Pretending to be an unsigned skink from Lustria he managed to blag his way onto the team using that famous Eyepet charm. He assumed the name ‘Dino Eyepet’ and told all the other skinks his father had lost a bet.
Dino Eyepet is living his dream. He plays BloodBowl every week using his cunning disguise. Maybe one day, if he can survive, he will become one of the greats.
Or maybe his enemies on the MML board will notice he’s not as talented as a normal skink or that he’s wearing a children’s outfit, and he will banished forever for playing the game he loves. Just like his father was…