Drawn and Quartered in Mousillon

Hello sports fans! Harry Gobbo, of OSPN, here with another edition of Wrecking Kru weekly! This week finds us in Mousillon, where the Kru are traveling to face the Morningstars, the Brettonian side that has fallen on some hard luck lately! On paper, the Kru should have won this game handily, however, the Morningstars produced an amazing touchdown in the waning moments of the game to secure a 1-1 draw with the favored Orcs. Now, to tell the rest of the story, is our very own Coach Caven of the Wrecking Kru!

Coach, how does the team deal with such a devastating draw against the Morningstars?

“Thanks, Harry. Devastating?! Did you watch the same match I was watching? Our lads were on fire! We were knocking Brettonians out left and right. We were racking up injuries. We had the 1-0 lead, and they pretty much conceded by throwing the long ball to open field, basically giving us the 1-0 win. We knew going in that a draw would secure a playoff spot for us. I sent Rotnail back to retrieve that ball, with the idea of throwing it to Graoth, who could then score at the buzzer, but Mr. Drumph appeared on our sidelines and offered an alternate solution. He mentioned how a draw would not hurt the Kru in the standings, but would do wonders for the people of Mousillon. He also offered us a weekend stay at his palace as his guests if we were to somehow mess up our plan. Well, you saw Rotnail “trip” and lose the ball, the Morningstars secured it and scored the equalizer. A great game and a great result, in my opinion.”

Coach, are we to understand that you threw the match just to stay at Drumph’s mansion as his guest?

“Harry, you have to understand. We didn’t throw anything. As a matter of fact, Rotnail tripped before he could throw the ball. They recovered and scored a pretty miraculous touchdown to salvage a draw. We were then able to rest and recuperate with Drumph at his place. The food was good, the company was excellent, and the boys were able to see what true wealth really is. Drumph is a very gracious host. He has many, many interesting ideas, particularly on who should be running the MML. He has no love of the Empire. Neither do we. He likes beautiful women, and coincidentally, so do we. He even offered our blitzers time with April O’Neil, but that was of no interest to them. Been there, done that. Our guys arrived home feeling fresh, relaxed and like we had just had a week vacation.”

Coach, did Count Drumph actually tell you who should be running the MML?

“Of course he did, Harry. It’s HIM! And, honestly, we couldn’t agree more. Who better to lead the league back to prosperity and honesty? Who better to rid the league of the good old boy system, and disband the current corrupt Coaches Board? Who would stand up to Goblin Gambling? HE would! He has plans to return the playoff system to a more fair format. Each League winner advances to the playoffs. Period. No second place team should get in to the greatest tournament in the land! It was really an abomination that Dignity managed to get in last season. They didn’t even win their league! He wants to maintain the play pool system, because he feels like it is great. But he wants to reward those that deserve to be rewarded. He also wants to build a wall between Bretonnia and the Empire. We feel like that is certainly his right to do so. The Empire is fighting it, and wants to dictate to him and Brettonia, but we feel like Brettonia should rule themselves. Just as the One Tribe rules itself. Mr. Drumph also wants to institute a board that would investigate all corruption within the MML. We are all for that. No more tainted elven playoff victories. In short, Mr. Drumph is a deserving candidate that should be given a chance. What could it hurt?”

Coach, what next for the Kru?

“Well, Harry, we face the Snitchburgh PieRats at their place in the season finale. We are already in. They need a victory and a Dignity loss or draw in order to get in. We should know the Dignity result before we face the PieRats, then we will take it from there. We have some players that need some rest, and some others that need some playing time. We might use our bench much more than normal, in order to get these guys some star player points. The PieRats will be getting massive inducements, as well. So we will have to consider the safety of our guys from that standpoint. We are already in the playoffs, and that is where our focus is. This match is meaningless to us. Unless, of course, it means keeping Dignity out of the playoffs. We wouldn’t be saddened by that. If they do make it, they better pray they do not meet up with us again. It will be much different from the last playoff meeting. As for the PieRats, they are a good side, they just suffer so many injuries, that they can’t maintain any momentum. It is certainly a testament to Coach Whiskey and his abilities that they are still in the running for a spot. We wish him well in that endeavor.”

Coach, any preferences as to whom you face in the first round?

“None at all, Harry. Although, we would like to see our brothers, the Green Tide Titans, on the opposite side of the draw, so that we could meet them in the final. We understand that Coach Thunden, as good as he is, stated that his team would welcome a match against the Kru, if the rest of the league didn’t end us first. We welcome that as a challenge. And who wouldn’t love an all Orc final? The Dark Elf side, Witch’s Coven, has also secured a spot, and a match against them would be fun. We really don’t care who we face. It is they who should care about facing US! We want that second ring and a title of Dynasty!”

Well, there you have it, folks! Straight to you from the cozy confines of Mousillon and Count Drumph’s very own castle! The Wrecking Kru improve to 4 wins and 2 draws, and currently lead the pool with 14 points. They face the PieRats this Wednesday at 8:30pm Central time, so be sure and tune in to see if the PieRats or Dignity are the ones that get in to the playoffs, along with our very own Wrecking Kru! Until Wednesday night, take care and remember, the Wrecking Kru bandwagon stops at a stadium near you!

4 comments

  1. Fr:TheRealDrumph: I can neither deny or confirm Coach Caven’s statements. Except “something” is most definitely rigged in The MML. Believe me.😋

  2. As a coach who has worked with April professionally, I know she wouldn’t even dignify these misogynistic attacks against her with so much as an acknowledgment. However, this kind of “locker room” tall-tale telling is not only completely false (I mean, just look at them!), but it’s also sad. The Wrecking kru tries to act civilized because they can read and speak 2 syllable words, but at their heart, they are nothing but base and vile.

    Coach Caven and Drumph deserve each other. Let April mourn in peace. I hope the kru meets the end of their playoff run at the hands of witch elves, or their orc “sister” Louise. #ImWithHer

  3. Hey! Our Orc blitzers worked with her “professionally”, too. She got paid. Word is, she deleted all the emails pertaining to her dealings with Wrecking Kru. Also, it is highly questionable the foundation she set up to collect for her lost love. We heard that none of that money is making it to his family. #ReleaseTheEmail

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