Drumph closes border to other “lesser races”, Puts Morningstar Season in Jeopardy

Mousillon, Bretonnia

In a surprising move (Really?  Is anyone really “surprised” by anything THE MAN does?) Morningstar Team owner and Count of Mousillon, Archibald Drumph (#THE MAN), decreed a closure of borders to ALL “lesser racesl” into Mousillon City limits, beginning…well…yesterday(???). The Count held a press conference, retroactively to already signing said decree, circumventing any debate by any opposition (*Ahem* Corrupt Commissioner and MML Boards) giving a remarkably brief official statement.

“Well…I don’t really need to explain myself…and I know best anyway…so there.”

Count Drumph unusually fielded some questions from reporters gathered for the breaking news.

Reporter:

“Count Drumph, What prompted this universal ban of all non-Bretonnian races into Mousillon? And what affect will this have on diplomatic and trade relations?…but MOST IMPORTANTLY how will this affect the Morningstars upcoming MML Season?” (Let’s keep our priorities straight here, Right?)

Drumph:

“Thank you for that great question. I would refer you to my official statement above, but…Let me be straight with you…I built a wall around Mousillon last season…It’s only 10 feet high…so it keeps out some goblins and some dwarves…but apparently …some undesirables are still finding their way into this beautiful city that I have built. And that just won’t do at all.  These lesser-races have just been coming in willy-nilly…taking Bretonnian jobs…and getting into Un-Bretonnian mischief which I…and the Bretonnian people of course…will not stand idly by, and let occur on MY WATCH!”

Reporter:

“But what about the Morningstars? Doesn’t the City’s contract with the MML demand that Mousillon Home games be played at Mousillon Coliseum? How will the decree affect visiting teams?”

His Holiness:

“Another fabulous question…This decree won’t affect our beloved Morningstar’s games one bit…so long as all the teams we play against…are…(wait for it)…Bretonnians.”

Reporter:

“Ummm…But Your Worshipfullness…None of the Morningstar’s opponents ARE Bretonnian…There isn’t presently another team in the entire PRO league that is Bretonnian…a fact that You have personally stated was a point of pride for you. How??…can??..that….work??”

The Grand PooBah:

“Three for three there on brilliant questions. The Morningstars are prepared to play ALL our home games in Mousillon…using one of my MANY exceptional Bretonnian Farm teams as proxy teams…to represent…Heck!..to BETTER represent ALL our opponents in what I would consider…a BETTER MML PRO League.  The Lake Ivanhoe Paladins…The Brionne Broadswords…The Tempest Bay Templars will even play on their knees to better emulate the new Dwarven team in the Noble South Conference. Problem Solved. Next Question”

 

Reporter:

” Do you really believe that Commissioner Preach and The MML will just go along with this decree? And Even if “other races” (you know who I mean) aren’t allowed, shouldn’t the new Human teams at least be allowed to play inside Mousillon? Aren’t we all Human?”

His Royal Drumphness:

“Listen to me…The Corrupt Commissioner can’t tell me what to do. Do you know his Grunts are harbouring a known criminal? Do you want that type of…Orc…in this luxurious city…that I built? And as for “other” humans. They are more than welcome inside the borders of Mousillon…as long as they are on a Bretonnian team…so No Ogre…no MV over 7…all those linemen can trade in their AV8 for AV7…and tie one arm and leg behind them to better represent AG2. Problem solved.” (Dang, He’s Good! #Brilliant!)

Reporter:

“Umm…yeah…This decree was strangely timed immediately after Part 1 of The MML Special Preview Podcast of Season 7 (Whoop-Whoop!! Great Job, All!!), where Morningstar Head Coach expressed genuine concern about ANY success in the Morningstars’ upcoming season; despite one expert’s (LouLiz) opinion that the Morningstars will top the Dungeon West (THOSE Guys are the EXPERTS?!?!?? Bwahahahahaha! Kids, don’t drink and twitch…just saying) Care to comment, Your Grandest Majesty?”

El Prezidente’:

“I do not share Coach Sturmjarl’s unfortunate pessimism, and will further remind him to NOT talk to the Media without express permission from Morningstar Management..ie. ME!  THIS IS THE MORNINGSTARS” YEAR!!!!  

 

(Lou said so, It’s on tape…somewhere)

The MML could not be reached (or really even bother to humor this Rik Dikulous article) for comment at this time. *Sigh* It’s going to be a LONG (BUT AMAZING!!!) Season 7.

#Keeping Bretonnia Pro…Maybe

 

 

5 comments

  1. When you first started writing the Drumph articles, they were simply hilarious. Since about a couple of weeks ago,they make me laugh and cry a little at the same time. #WereFOrced

  2. A year ago, I never imagined this “mine” would still be giving so much “golden” material. #Fiction Pales to the Reality

  3. Nice article Sturm! The Templars will not be required to play on their knees to better emulate the Krushers….as they will be on their arses most of the game.:D

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