Mousillon, Bretonnia-Bretonnia may look just like their neighbor, The Empire, to the common tourist. But just ask the newly anointed Count Archibald Drumph what makes his new home of Bretonnia different from The “Mighty Empire.”
Drumph: “I find the people of Bretonnia so much more hospitable than in the Empire. The serf-caste system keeps the right people in their place, and they are happier for it…They love me… and I love their love!”
Irony is not a part of the new Count’s vocabulary. Drumph’s personal story to this point has been widely published outside the MML The rise of the prodigal son in a “modest” Noble house in Altdorf through construction (*cough* bribes); first of fortifications, then castles (*cough* bigger bribes). Then the celebrity and the corruption; followed by the fall from grace and the exodus to Bretonnia. And now the rebirth of Drumph in the MML? Cabalvision dramas aren’t written as well.
I had been invited by Drumph Enterprises to follow the celebrated businessman at various times from the Pre-Season into the regular matches of the fourth PRO-season of the MML. Rumours of Drumph coming to the Mead & Mayhem League had been whispered among insiders but no one really believed them, including this reporter. Drumph, the disgraced businessman on the run from Altdorf? Really? No experience in Blood Bowl as a player or coach? (was he even a FAN?) . Who would hire him? Who would Drumph hire (or bribe)?
April: “Pleasantries aside, your involvement in Blood Bowl and the MML is surprising to many. How did this come about?”
D: “Let me tell you something, April. I love three things in life! Money, Fame and women…and myself…So four things…oh, and food & wine..that’s five and six things…that’s it…Oh, of course and Blood Bowl, sure…that, too. So, that was what?…seven things? That’s right! Seven things I love…in life…ummm…what was the question?”
A: “Blood Bowl…in Bretonnia?
D: ” When King Leon personally asked for my help to turn around Blood Bowl in Bretonnia, I immediately said yes. The people of Bretonnia have been so good to me. It is my honor to represent Bretonnia in the MML (and bill them astronomically $$$)…Have you seen my luxury castles, April? They are gorgeous and I would be happy to give you a tour…It’s amazing that the M.M.L. would give such a beautiful woman like yourself the opportunity to interview someone like me. You’re so fortunate and attractive! ”
A: *eye roll* “And Nevermoor?”
D: “I’m a businessman, April…and the High Council of Neverwhat’sit wanted out of the Pros… Now do I like these Dark Elves?… No… Some of them are murderers and sadists…and..I assume, some are nice people… So I paid those nice elves a boat load of money to get their spot in the Dungeon West.”
A: “And how did the hiring of Coach Sturmjarl come about?”
D: “That was a package deal with those elves…they were tired of torturing him and his family and barely making Bowl games. Plus, I needed a PRO coach to claim that PRO spot (MML Commissioner Preach>bribe *thptt*).”
A: “Were any other PRO coaches offered the Head Coaching position? Especially considering Coach Sturmjarl’s… let’s say middling record with the Ravens?”
D: “All of them, actually…but Bretonnia has gotten an unfair stigma in the MML… and Coach Sturmjarl (though a former dirty Norse Player) had an impressive run in The Fanatic Feudalism Bowl (2nd Place! *cough* 1st loser).”
A: “Now that the Bell Towers left the PROS, how does it feel with the Mousillon Morninstars being the lone team representing all of Bretonnia? Is there pressure to win right now, particularly with your “Making Bretonnia Great Again” slogan? (#Was Bretonnia EVER Great?)”
D: “April, I’m a winner. and I surround myself with winners…Bell Towers, who?…All I know is that I’m a builder. I build castles for my rich Bretonnian friends…and now Blood Bowl stadiums all over the Olde World ($$$)…and I’m building teams in the PROS and The Farm… I would build a wall around Bretonnia to keep all those loser orcs and ratmen…and elves…and all those other losers (you all know who you are *wink*). But I’m not going to pay for that…and somebody has to…and…what was the question??
D: “First up is that Dignity Elfie team. Then dirty, smelly and steroided Goatmen. That equals two wins! #Making Bretonnia Great Again.”
A: “We’ll see, Your Holiness. Good Luck, this season. We’ll meet again soon.”
Mousillon opened their Inaugural PRO Season with a crushing 0-3 defeat by Coach Sestonn’s High Elf team, Dignity.
The Morninstars were ranked 32 out of 32 teams in the MML Pro entering into week 2.
Surprisingly, the Morningstars bounced back with a 2-0 win at home against the heavily favored Kentucky Bourbons (REALLY?? *cough* shenanigans).
Mousillon faces The New Orcland Grunts in Week 3. (Bring it, Preach!!!).
#Making Bretonnia Great Again!