Morningstar Team Owner and Official Ambassador, Count Archibald Drumph released a new video spell-cast to introduce Bela and Marta Kanolli as the newest assistants to Head Coach Sturmjarl’s coaching staff. Hailing from Kislev, the the husband and wife team are well known in the Olde World as agility trainers for the National Kislevite Gymnastic squad.
“I made promises to the Bretonnian people to surround myself with the very best…the most smartest people (that $$ can buy) to bring greatness back to Bretonnia. Today, I am very pleased (with myself) to officially introduce the Kanollis as the Morningstars’ Personal Trainers! (cue the applause!!) I originally met the Kanaollis during one of my many wonderous travels to Kislev, where I stayed in the Tsarinas’ Palace and watched an amazing exhibition by the Kanollis’ Gymnastic Squad. I was so impressed that I knew I must have this squad perform in one of my many Beautiful Luxury Castle Hostels (DrumphCastle.com). I am proud to call the Kanollis not only employees (#sycophants), but also my dear ( and well compensated $$$) friends.”
A smattering of (officially screened/bought) reporters were on hand as Bela Kanolli took the podium for questions.
Kanolli was glowing with excitement as he spoke. “Forgive Bela, I no speak Bretoonian bery well (or spell it apparently). I am so BERRY HAPPY to be in MOOsilon with my BErry Gud friend, Archie! We hab bEEn in small willage of Shropshire deese past mOOnts perfecting our ExTraa SpEEcial trainink program made spooCIFicfally for those MArVelus BRRRetonnian Knights. ”
Asked what his program entailed and what made it (SOO Berry!) special, Kanolli bragged. “My BEEuutiful wife Marta and myself have dEEveloped and eeXtensive trainink program to teach deeese EEENcridbbble Knights SO MANY Ajjeelitee Skills!! You vill NOT believe how AMZINK they vill be!…PLUS!!… We haf some stOOPendOOS sooplements dat haf bean RRRRigOOlirusly tested to EEncrease stameena and performeence.”
When asked about the legality and safety testing of these “supplements”, Kanolli elaborated. “Oh of course, dees sooplements are legal… just completely natural ingreeedients found ONLY in my homeland of Kislev. They are perfectly safe. We make drugs…I mean SOUplements specially formulated for Bretonnians. We teested them on many, many peasants in Shropshire before ever eenjecting them into the Knights. ABSOLUTELY safe…now…. We had sum small side effects initially in sum peasants…such as…lack of respiratory…and circulartory…and brain… fuunction. And sum ofthe peasants vant to eat flesh aftervards. BUT…we figure it out…eventually. How you say? You cannot make omelette…without breaking sum peasants! Right?”
“But that Archie is a smart fellow! Where one sees failure (or a biological disaster?)…he sees oppotoonity (KaChing$$). He finds those peasants NEW jobs! He sells those Peasant contracts to NEW type of Blood Bowl team in Shropshire, outside of the M.M.L. He even give money (some of it, anyway) to peasants’ families. He’s a good guy, that Archie. HAPPY ENDING for EVERYBODY!!”
Asked about when Morningstar players would start on the “Kanolli Regiment”, Kanolli gave no strict timetable. “Berry Soon. We doing final testing on sum Farm teams. Berry expensive to make deese drugs…I mean.. Souplements…so we save them for the Knights…and maybe sum speecial players (C’mon! Roll some DOUBLES!!).”
The Grandiose Gladiators host the Mousillon Morningstars (hopefully) Saturday ( C’mon TigerShark Confirm!)
#Making Bretonnia Great Again!