EX- VERMIN – HATE!!
“Ok!!, we survived undead hordes, slavers and the bride of Nurgle….. what could possibly be worse??”
Looking back it seemed like a reasonable question thought Eilivaror, and we had been warned about “rodent worship” but no-one mentioned religious fanatics, oh well, lets see where this is going he thought as his crew were led into a clearing with a familiar pattern on the grassy floor.
“You see” a strangely name knight (Sir Elizabeth of Hitler??) was saying ” on our quest we found the one true god Nut-Full” and there was me thinking it was pronounced NUFFLE thought Eilivaror…. “so you must pray at his alter, you will need 11 men….. ” yes we know, let’s get this done shall we, I’m still looking for some deviant Elves to cosy up too, and off we go again.
The Knights receive the kick off as its their ball, their pitch and probably their day, altho’ they all look a little shocked when Fluffy appears on the pitch, their rodents (probably due to their size) all line the sides looking on with beady eyes and small grasping hands….many holding their nuts in anticipation… there’s a brief skirmish and the game is on, a couple of hits on the line push the Norse back and the knights brimming with confidence decide to throw the ball…. bad idea, it’s on the floor loose! Fluffy charges forward and push a knight back, hitting him a second time but still only pushing, no way through the Norse mark the opposition Eilivaror making sure he’s marking someone with backup…. just in case. The knights react with a punch that floors Fluffy however as all eyes are turned that way one of the howlers downs a blocker and the Norse are at it again, and by at it we mean “accidentally” stepping on a Knight and injuring him, the Norse player after a word from the Ref accompanies the knight from the pitch. the knights reposition and enter the Norse half, Fluffy take offence and charges down a knight only to be knocked down again and the knights who then move further down pitch, a Berserker runs back hitting the knight onto push him…. twice, he’s against the side, one false move and he’s off, he gets assistance and pushes the berserker away and runs only to stop short, ” C’Mon guys, we need to get this sorted or there will be no Elves….” Eilivaror’s cries seem to spur the team on as Fluffy drops a knight then herself onto him, he seems dazed but unhurt, another peasant is stunned and the Squirrels ( that’s what they call themselves) decide that scoring is better than what’s about to happen 1-0 to the Knights.
The ball goes up and a blocker goes down knocked out, Fluffy charges forward onto to end up prone again, however she injures another “squirrel” in the process, the Norse “accidentally” step on another player but nothing happens and the half ends.
” So far so good guys, but remember whilst you’re hurting them we need directions and also a score might be in order, just saying’ ” Eilivaror’s hopes are high at this point as none of the KOed squirrels wants to come back on and the opposition are down to 7 players….
The kick is shallow and once again Fluffy roars into action injuring another knight, whilst he is carried off the Norse trample a prone player, protesting his innocence the Norse player leaves the pitch, oh well
Most squirrels are prone now and the norse push forward, one howler stunning another player, however their arrogance is repaid as the ball carrier is hit by a knight, luckily only a push, but he’s mobbed by 2 of the remaining squirrels,a couple of linemen help out and a howler rushes in, slips but regains his feet to injure a knight pushing him into the ball carrier and freeing him up in the process, the ball carrier sprints for the line, nothing can stop him…… Except a very slippy pile of squirrel dung, sure that wasn’t there a moment ago?? he slips and he down, the ball bobbled into the end zone. A Knight recovers the ball, but whilst he stops to consider his options is bundled into the crowd by a howler where he is viciously attacked by several real squirrels who just want to feast on his nuts…..that’s going to hurt in the morning!! the ball goes off and is thrown back on, the norse thrower recovers the ball and throws a perfect pass to the waiting runner who walks in unopposed for 1-1 Game on!!
Again the teams set up, well one does, the norse look across the line to see 3 players standing, a quick glance confirms 5 injuries and 3 KOs have severely reduced the opposition, however these are religious zealots and will fight to the end, the ball is kicked deep and Bert is KOed (what a shock he lasted this long!!) a knight runs back to the ball whilst the last player, a peasant tries to escape, he’s tripped and the norse surge forward, a howler KOs the knight who hit Bert as other players swarm toward the one remaining squirrel standing, someone decides that the peasant is an easy target and a swift elbow drop removes him…… one left. \The lone knight tries to pick up the ball but its covered in….. well,lets just say it doesn’t stick to his hands like it does to a blanket, Howler ploughs forward and hits him, and again and hes down stunned!! “Stop, stop” cries Eilivaror as the ball is scooped up, but no one is listening as they walk it in for 2-1.
“we got his boss” they’ve got no players grins Sturla, and even though 2 players return from the knock out box there are only 3 of them against a full norse team….. “team talk” cries Eilivaror and a hasty discussion occurs with lots of gestures shouting and shaking of heads, however they must obey the captain so they set up, no more squirrels die today!!
The ball lands mid half and a block frees a knight who runs down the pitch scoops up the ball and passes it to the other knight despite Fluffys presence he pushing a Norseman away as he runs off and its going to be close…. a Norseman marks him and the normally reliable Howler, or maybe the other not so reliable one thunders in….push, push, he tries again, push, the knight dodges away and with only 3 players on the pitch the squirrels equalise in the dying moments!! 2-2
The high priest (biggest nut) walks with Eilivaror to the edge of the clearing and his waiting crew, “so Captain if you talk the left fork you’ll find your reward” ” well thanks for that, thought we had you there but im guessing your good with a draw? thanks for the directions”
The captain cannot see the evil smile on the priests face as he turns and walks away, the right fork would have taken them straight to the Elves, but we needed a win for those directions…. a draw gets you the left fork, more slavers, more pain, and once your crew is captured we shall claim Fluffy as our payment and worship her as a GOD!!
…to be continued…