Hi Dear Diary,
Today I’m about to meet the richest man I’ll probably ever meet: Mr Drumph himself! But before I do, dear diary, I can’t resist to tell you how I got there, cause it’s been a crazy trip. I travelled the world and the seven seas, everybody’s looking for something, you know.
First I had to find a boat: Stunty told me he couldn’t even afford to invest one Gold Crown in my travel. Stingy guy! I know his pretext was totally invented: because of what I did in that school and the cost in finally had, I have to get by this alone?? So I went in the town where I was born, where lived a man who sailed the sea; he told me of his life… But I stopped him, didn’t wanted to waste time listening crazy old man’s story. He finally took me to the captain of a ship called named Submarine something. I asked who was that sub and what position was he playing, but I couldn’t get a decent answer. A shame! He probably could have been useful to the team! Thanksfully, the captain – his full name was Captain Homer Ica, or something like that- accepted to take me aboard, but I had to accept to do the washing up during the trip in exchange.
Oh that was a damn good deal! After I broke almost everything glasses on board during my three first days, the captain ordered me to do nothing anymore. Maybe the fact that seasick and washing up don’t go well together also played in his decision. Of course, I got my fingers cutted a lot with all those broken glasses, but it worthed it for sure. I used my off time to listen to music, mostly country (my best way to please Drumph, remember?) but also a bit of everything. Music makes the people come together, it also makes the bourgeoisie and the rebel I think. But still, Country is now my favorite one. After a few days, a funny thing happened: we met mermaids! Apparently their music pleased a lot to seamen, who looked quite hypnotized. Me, I was sicka than this average poppa, twist cabbage off instinct. So I asked them if they could sing country music instead ; they looked surprised, but didn’t even reply and insisted on their own song. Hey! When Gaesmal orders, you obey! So I took a broom and knocked them until they stopped. Apparently the other ones didn’t like that music as much as I first believed, because after they retrieved their normal state they all cheered at me like I did something heroic. I guess spending most time sailing cuts you a bit of reality, I don’t think I deserved such congratulations but frankly, for once, it was so good that I decided to simply enjoy.
After that, close from the Old World coasts, we’ve been attacked by pirates. We prepared to fight, I was a bit stressed because guys were counting on me to be as heroic as against the mermaids. Frankly I don’t see what skipping a bad song has to do with fighting with heroism! Anyway, I was unfortunately wounded at the very beginning of the battle: I walked on a rake (what the hell was doing a rake on a boat?? Oh yeah that was me that took it in my luggage, I thought it could be useful) and got stunned.
When I awoke, we were all taken as slaves and supposed to be sold soon. They had taken all my belongings, and my first thought went to you, dear diary. I can even say that at first I was afraid, I was petrified; I kept thinking I couldn’t leave without you by my side. How clever I’ve been to hide you in my pants! And I was happy to find what incommoded me all this time, by the way. But once more a funny thing happened: probably impressed by me, the slaver chief released me after a few days because “you don’t even worth the food you eat”. Probably a local expression or proverb to express a high value, I’ll dig that when I have a chance. But no matter how, half of my way was done: I boarded Bretonnia’s west coast. I think I felt lost dear diary? Miller what? every hood I go through, all the gangsters around know my whole crew. Well at least that’s how I felt.
I boarded in the evening, and there was nothing around to pass the night in. So I walked, searching something; and I finally found something that I thought was a local house: a cave, with cute little lace curtains that must be used as a door. I entered, it looked empty; I noticed bretonnians must really love those curtains as there were some a bit everywhere. It took me a few hours to outwit the giant spider that was living in there; how the hell was I supposed to know that it wasn’t curtains but spider webs?? Still, It’s been a bit scary; since then, I sometimes do that nightmare: I feel like I’m being eaten by a thousand million shivering furry holes, and I know that in the morning I will wake up in the shivering cold.
Finally, even getting back to civilization, all hasn’t been easy either. I was supposed to reach Drumph mansion, but do you know how many Drumph’s mansions there are in Bretonnia, Dear Diary??? Each time I reached one, it wasn’t the one where he was standing. After 14 attempts, I finally reached the good one, but the butler told me he was out. I asked where I could find him, he replied “as Mr Drumph himself sometimes answers: you can find me in the club, bottle full of bub”. Wow! I already love that guy!!
Special game for you who’s getting bored: will you find out the seven songs hidden in there? The first to answer well in comment wins an extremely alcoholized dinner if he ever comes to France soon!