Gaesmal’s Diary: Promo Duty

Dear Diary,

I have to tell you about my last achievement for the team, I’ve been great as always. The other day I arrived to the training center but coach Stunty told me I couldn’t work properly with my broken arm. I answered that I’ve played with much worse wounds, but he said he never found what I was doing on a pitch deserving to be named « playing ». He probably meant that was more « Genius » than playing, I guess ; so I agreed with him. « But Coach, what am I going to do then ? – You’ll help the team in an other way, but very important as well : I need you to do the team promo around, as we need funds. You’re awaited at Naggaroth’s Primary School, the teachers want you to explain the dangers of Blood Bowl to children. I trust you to turn that into a promotion stuff, okay ? – You can count on me coach !» I’ve always loved children, and they give it back well to me.

That’s how I found myself in front of about 40 children, all excited by Blood Bowl (me, not the chidren ; well at least not yet).

« Hello to all of you, kids (except you over there, I can’t stand your face) ! So tell me what you know about that greeeeeaaat game that’s Blood Bowl ? » The teacher looked at me straight as I was pronouncing « great ». Oh yeah ! I have to be subtle, I remember now, thought I. « Hum… So tell me what you know about that (Iwhispered the word « great ») sport ?

– My mother says it is dangerous !

– Oh did she ever play it ?

– No

– So she doesn’t know about it, you shouldn’t listen to her. Any other ideas ?

– My father says it’s fantastic, but it makes players totally dumb on the long term

– You father must be a great guy, he probably just saw dwarves game. »

At that moment, the teacher was called by someone, and told me she has to leave an hour. She asked me if you could make it alone, I answered that I wouldn’t only make it, I would give those children a moment they would never forget. She agreed, saying it was important that they remember about Blood Bowl dangers. As I thought about it, I had the idea : what better way to make them understand than having them playing it ? Am I not a coach now ? Yeah, I know, there’s assistant in front of coach, but still !

« So now that we are alone kids, who wants to play on the pitch rather than staying the whole day sitting in a classroom ?? » As I had forseened it, they all cheared and follow me in the courtyard. After I gave them a few basics, such as fouling, using knives and stomping, the game began. The least I can say is that those kids leanrt very fast ! But it was a bit messy, so I decided the game needed a referee and of course I was the only one who could do it. The first action was a dark elf masterpiece : Ball picking, opponent first line crushing, pass and touchdown. But as I was about to validate it, I noticed the scorer was the child I didn’t like. « Offside ! We go back to 0-0, ball for the opponent » Pupils disagreed, saying they never heard about an offside rule. I asked who was the professionnal here, and reminded them that their teacher allowed me to punish them if they wasn’t nice. It wasn’t true, but hey ! That’s Blood Bowl. The game started again, a very gifted child just smashed his opponent in a fantastic way. Of course, it took them a few minutes to recover from seeing their first dead body, but I guess the sooner is the better. The other team scored, then the game tied, then we had two more death, and finally the game was 2-2 after about 50 minutes of playing. The last action showed the one-I-don’t-like-so-I-don’t-even-wanna-know-his-name about to score again, as a few parents was arriving and started to watch. He dodged, pushed an opponent off the pitch (Unfortunately parents don’t behave as Blood Bowl fans and nothing happened to him, a shame as it would have perfectly achieved their training I guess) and scored at the very last minute. « Offside ! And as it’s the second time, the victory goes to the other team ! » The children started to argue, but finally stopped as their parents were taking them home as fast as possible. The teacher came back at that moment, asked what happened to the three dead pupils as their parents was getting nervous not finding them. I just answered I didn’t know, to save time to find a better explanation to their… Hmm game accidents later. As I was trying to sneak out the school to avoid all those annoying stupid questions, a man came to me with a smile.

« Did you ever think of becoming a real official MML referee ?

– No, why ?

– Cause you did a great job with that last touchdown !

– Oh thanks (at last someone recognize my genius) ! But who are you yourself ?

– Me ? I’m actually an MML ref. You might have saw me recently, I was in charge of toss during the Wrecking Kru vs Dignity semi-final »

13 comments

  1. Oh damn re reading it I would like to apologize for ll those grammar/orthograph/other stuff/ mistakes I did, wrote it a bit to fast apparently! I hope Shakespeare don’t mind!

  2. Also don’t sweat the grammar, I can barely write in my own language let alone a second one 🙂

  3. Nicely done, Didi! I would probably prefer “injured” children to dead ones in the story, but I’ve gone soft as I’ve gotten older, lol

  4. Absolutely fantastic stuff, as always. It has me chcukling my head off. I do have a rather dark gallows sense of humour sometimes. As Rez says, absolutely don’t sweat the grammar. Rez is absolutely right about the fact that it is amazing in your second language. At the risk of potentially offending, (and I really don’t intend to at all,) and if I dare say it I think it actually adds to the prose style. It kinda adds to the general feeling for Gaesmal’s character and makes it unique as a result. In effect bringing him to life with his own prose style. 😉

  5. lol Josiah; I actually try to make him write in a childish way, and didn’t think about it but you’re write, it works even better with mistakes lol

  6. this was really, really good. I have enjoyed reading this. However, do not let Gaesmal be caught with this referee around any of the Wrecking Kru, particularly Gutrad.

  7. Gutrad you said? Hmmm we might meet him around in the future, if you allow me of course!! Thanks a lot Caven 🙂

  8. Like I said stunty, sir, I would like to count myself amongst Gaesmal’s biggest fans! – I know there are a few folks in contention. His antics are hilarious!

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