Hi Dear Diary,
Today was a sad day : it was Tamlaen’s funerals, following to the Granite City Grimbeards (disaster) game. Nuffle, we lost three players for next game, including a dead so. That game… Things weren’t supposed to but went the same way than in first game, even worth though. Never the less we were one easy reception away to get a good chance to come back with a draw… Anyway, I don’t feel like talking of this again. But further than the result, that game scarried the team. Survivors just SAW what could happen to themelves during this tough season, which is just starting yet. So Stunty asked me to deal with the funerals, ordering me to use it to give back hope to team. He’s nice, but how the hell was I supposed to make funerals being a team spirit party ??? I tried my best, as you’ll see in the lines bellow (yes, don’t stop there, scroll your screen please!)
I first asked how many weeks do I have to organize all that, Stunty replied me a few hours. I asked how late I was allowed to be, I replied the body is already smelling. I asked… He replied shut up before I could even end my sentence. That guy !!! First, I had to find a good MC. And with so few time available, I took what I could find : a Khaine’s defrocked priest who became a real estate agent/wealth manager. The only order I gave him was to pretend to still be a priest, I thought that it might not please the team otherwise.
The rest of funerals was easy to organize, as we start to have habits in this business. Even for the coffin : don’t know why, but Stunty already had one expecting me, and as I’m about the same size than Tamalaen we used it. Well, one thing was hard though : I had to change the name written on it. I think I did pretty well, of course it required a little effort to be read, but that was ok to me. I’m sure the other teammates read « TAMLgAEsmalN » just to annoy me.
Then the priest preached ; I found it great ! He insisted on « what disaster it is when you lose a teammate, especially when nothing has been fiancially forseened so don’t do the same mistake and hire a wealth manager fast. Lucky you, there’s actually a very efficent one in the room, for those who are interested jsut come to me -errr him- at the end of meeti… errrr funerals. » He also underlined « the importance of buying something cool in a decent graveyard », and reminded them that « he has very nice places to sell for a very honorable price. » At that moment the whole team turned to me and looked straight at me, I think that was their own way to thank me for organization and so advices. I’m sure it’ll give them the faith they need ; knowing your death is well prepared is very encouraging I guess. It allows you to think of nothing but the game.
But the better was yet to come, Dear Diary ! Now that I managed to give them hopes, it was time to give them smile back ! So I prepared a little joke to them, but before that masterpiece I did a collection for his widow. The team has been quite generous I must say ! Coming to Witch Better Have My $, I couldn’t prevent me from telling her « witch, you better have some » but she only replied « you’d better find a widow quick, I know he was single ». Damn ! I thought I was the only one to know that little detail. Anyway after that the whole team followed respectfully the coffin, without a single noise. When it was putted in the whole and before it started to get burried, I jumped out of it shouting « SURPRIIIISE !!! » ; what a joke ! But this team has no sense of humor at all. After they all calmed down (apparently it didn’t make them laugh but scared them to death first), Xiaoyan grabbed me, threw me on the ground and then they all kicked me. After 15 mn, they finally stopped ; even if it wasn’t the way I planned, I fullfilled my objective : they were all together again, gathered in their assistant coach’s hate. I’m terribly good at my job !!!