Hello dear new diary, nice to meet you. Why do I say new, will you ask me ? Because I sold the last one pretending it was the original Nuffle Bible. It worked well, at least untill it lead me to jail ( If you wanna know how it was, simply search « Gaesmal » in the MML website archives, must be a few that remain there). But still ! Now you know the glory that awaits you dear diary. And IT IS a question of glory in fact as I decided to spend the money earnt with the ancient diary to go back in the MML with a brand new team. And this time I won’t have to obey that serial-loser-that-neither-understood-my-talent-nor-anything-to-my-natural-charm-guy, my ex-boss Stuntmandidi ; this time I’ll be the head coach !
So first of all, I had to find players. I started to search among boys band, as someone told me « they’re all nothing else but players », but it appeared to be a bad idea for a dark elf team – might be something to do with them as wardancers though. So then I decided to go in a « special training area for blood bowl players » – also knowm as a « tavern », but it sounds not enough technical to me. I wanted guys that run fast, as in case of danger it might be usefu… Hem as it’s handy.
First ? Two runners. Here’s a strict transcription of how it went.
« Hello both of you, first question : what’s your name ?
- I’m Britanicus Velonius Celarius Cassius.
- – Wooooooow ! How do you manage to get a nose bigger than your name ???! Okay we’ll just call you « the guy with a big nose » so, I think it’ll sounds a bit more proper than your kind-of-a-forgotten-plant name. And you ?
- My name is…
- Oh shut up, you remind me of an ex-colleague but you clothes aren’t as fancy, so we’ll call you Cheap Banlaen. Well, I think we’ve sorted all that was important, sign here and you’re hired. »
Efficient heh ? That’s my style. Now I had to look for two blitzers and thanksfully, the tavern was overcrowded.
« What’s your name ?
– John Random.
– What have you done, professionnally talking ?
– I’m just back from Cathay war.
– Eeeeerrr listen John, that’s a serious thing here, so I’m not fully convinced by an expert of catfight you know.
– Cathay war I said.
– Yes, and there’s cat in it, isn’t it ? Look, if you join the team, you gonna have to listen closely to what I say, you know. Well, I would have prefer someone that’s used to proper war like a moot invasion or something, but that’ll do, welcome aboard !
– Thanks. »
Then a guy who lost an eye came, and as I loved the music beeing played while I was talking to him – and also because of it, I couldn’t hear a single word he said – I decided to name him Eye waste to hell. Then came a guy who was looking for his girlfriend named Sarah Co… something, I told him she was working with us to make sure he’ll join us and I don’t know why, I decided to name him Terminato… Terminated.
Then came Hey Yah (I think it’s important to remain simple, even when you’re an extremely famous coach as I am), then The Optimstic One who was expecting wages, and finally Dodge sniper, who reminded of a car that I owne… Borrowed once.
Great work ! But as I’ve been told by the past ( See Gaesmal’s Diaries : first training !!) I needed one more player at least and the tavern was getting empty. It was about to close, and there were no more appliants anymore ; so I hired the mute guy behind the piano (he agreed to join after that piano got « accidentally » destroyed) that I clerverly named The Artist, and the janitor, probably the more enthusiastic guy to join the team because he « expects better work conditions than cleaning after a hord of savage heavy drunkers had a good time ». I hesitated to call him the innocent one so, but The Janitor was better no to get confused between him and the Optimistic One.
Eleven players ? Job’s done ! Time for training !
It started well, but at a moment a horrible thing happened ; there was a SPIDER ON THE PITCH ! At least 2 inches wide !! So I acted responsibly and took everyone, players and staff, away from danger.
Team, staff and fans, reacting to the spider intrusion down on the pitch
Just before panic came to its climax, a guy came on the pitch, went straight to the spider and… Smash it !! Incredible !! Luckily he was available, so I hired him right away and generously named him… Ballzy Boy.
And this, gentlemen, is how we all came to the MML, with hopes, dreams and coffins. This is just my way of life actually.