GRUNT NATION – After the Grunts home opening win against the Season 2 Goblin Gambling Bowl Champions the Nevermoor Ravens, the Grunt coaching staff and a few key players sat down to answer some questions from the press.
“Before we open it up for questions, let me just say. The coaches coached, the players played, and there are a lot of repressed emotions at the table right now,” started Preach, head coach of the Grunts.
Random Reporter #1: “Leeroy, where there any moments in the game?”
Leeroy Jenkins: “There were a lot of moments. Some good, some bad. I’m just so proud of these orcs…I mean each and everyone of them put in a mathematically impossible amount of effort tonight. I mean, like hey..this guy. He really stepped it up tonight. Now we finally understand that inside joke about how short he is.” [Indicating Slim Pickens]
Random Reported #2: “How did injuries and referees affect the outcome?”
Preach: “Those game changing incidents in no way changed the game.”
Sad Reporter: “Lot of ups, lot of downs in this game and in my stomach because I live for this team. can you walk me through how I’m suppose to be feeling right now?”
Leeroy Jenkins: “This season is a lot like a metaphor that I like to use: You know, it only makes sense, sometimes, you know because metaphors can change, like similes.”
Attractive Female Sideline Reporter: “Coach we saw some very unusual defensive stats, and a very specific record set that only somebody with a very deep understanding of the game and its history can appreciate. So my question is, will you show me the same respect that you give my male colleagues?”
Preach: “As you can see. I’m definitely looking you directly in the eyes right now, even as I prepare to make a reputation solidifying quip. Because listen, your question implies that I have respect for anyone in this room, and we all know that just isn’t true.”
Young Male Blogger: “Great game, you guys fought hard. Can I get a quote to take out of context?”
Leeroy Jenkins: “You know I can’t do that man. My number one priority is to stay out of the news.”
Young Male Blogger: “So you’re confirming your number one priority isn’t the team. Thanks, I owe you one.”
Obnoxious Reporter: “Coach! When the game was on the line there in the first half, you made a decision that didn’t pan out, obviously. Why didn’t you decide to do the other thing that would have panned out 100%? I mean, that’s what I would have done, the thing that would have worked, the thing that you didn’t do.”
Preach: “I’m sorry. Who are you? Look, I’ve been at this a long time. You can’t always make the perfect decision. Sometimes you do things you regret. Like loose your temper at a press conference, after a DuMB QUEstion, and HAVE An ouTBURST THAT GETS PLAYED OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR YEARS. And THAT’S HOW YOU’RE REMEMBERED! THAT’S HOW YOU’RE REMEMBERED!?? THAT ONE ANGRY OUTBURST! AT A PRESS CONFERENCE AFTER A DUMB QUESTION! THAT’S HOW YOU’RE REMEMBERED!???”
——Breaking News Reaction to Grunts Coach Reaction———
White Commentator: “This is my reaction to his reaction, what’s your reaction?”
Black Commentator: “I disagree with a passion.”
White Commentator: “That’s the wrong reaction!”
Coach Preach wound the Grunt Nation into a frenzy that looks like it won’t stop until next week when the Grunts snap the Treehuggers in half.