Gutrad tells all

Hello everyone, this is your favorite host, Harry Gobbo, with an Orcs Illustrated exclusive interview with standout blitzer, Gutrad, from the Wrecking Kru! We were able to catch up with Gutrad after team practice where they are preparing for Just Norsin’ Around.

OI: Gutrad, thanks for giving us this time. We know you are busy preparing for your next game. Can you tell us a bit about that?

G: Sure thing, Harry. Coach Caven has asked that I make myself available to the press. He said something about “exposure for league MVP” and “good press for the Kru”. I’m a team player, so I do what is necessary to help the team. As for preparations, we are getting ready for the Norse team that killed Leeroy. That should say enough about that.

OI: Gutrad, much has been said about your playing ability and style. Can you tell us how you have become the player you are today?

G: Certainly, Harry. As most fans know, my father was an Orc, my mother an Elf. Grumpsh blessed me with Orc strength and Elven agility. Many people ask how an Orc and an Elven maiden hooked up. It was actually because of Orcs Illustrated. My mother was asked to appear in the annual Swimsuit edition, as OI is fond of putting females from all the races in that edition. Except Troll females. Even troll males won’t look at that. Well, my father, a professional Blood Bowl player, saw the spread and contacted her. The rest is history.

OI: Gutrad, you have had a very productive season. In four games, you have an MVP, 4 touchdowns, 172 rushing yards, 3 catches, 26 successful blocks, 1 knock out, 3 injuries caused and you are a constant target of other teams. How have you achieved this?

G: Well, Coach Caven decided it was time to put my talents to use. Last season, we relied heavily on Rotnail to carry the ball. This season, Coach wanted to open up the playbook. Actually, this season he gave us a playbook. It seems to have helped out our offense a bit. I certainly feel like I am contributing more.

OI: Gutrad, you certainly well spoken for an Orc, no offense. Can you tell us how that came to be?

G: Certainly, Harry. However, it’s not just me. It’s all of Wrecking Kru. Coach Caven doesn’t want just any Orc. He looks for the most intelligent, who can also play. I am a product of my mother’s Elven lineage, but I also attended Greendale Community College back in the day. It was before the current lot entered the Pros here in the MML. Our Blood Bowl played at the collegiate level, and we were pretty good. I’m glad to see the old school making strides out on the pitch.

OI: About your teammates, Gutrad. Do any stand out? How do they get along?

G: We are a family! Rotnail is our offensive leader, and has free reign to run the offense as he sees fit. Coach Caven gives us a lot of latitude when it comes to adjustments. Takru heads up the defense, and I can always count on Tak to be there. We have a good defensive system, and our closeness as a team allows us for some free movement, knowing that someone will be there if you get knocked down or beaten. As for character, I think old Stonepuke takes the cake. He was a terrible Blood Bowl player, but boy was he a jokester. I remember a friendly once against a dwarf team, where Stonepuke told one of the dwarf runners that his “junk” was bigger than the dwarf. He then proceeded to lift his loincloth and prove it!! Oh, we had a good laugh at that. The dwarf runner ran to the sideline and cried. Unfortunately, his jokes could only carry him so far. Coach Caven ended that after Stonepuke decided to put urine in the other team’s water coolers, only to discover that they were our coolers instead. I think Coach made the right move firing Stonepuke.

OI: Gutrad, one last question. How do the Kru feel about the recent death of star Thrower Leeroy Jenkins?

G: Well, we weren’t close to him, nor anyone on the Grunts, but he was still an Orc, and thus a brother. We were saddened and will wear the patches that the Grunts sent out in his honor, but don’t think for a minute that we will forget that it was the team we face next that killed him. We will make sure the same doesn’t happen to us, and at the same time, we will try to maim and kill as many Norse players as possible. I mean, anyone who wears bikini bottoms to a blood bowl match needs to die, am I right? Unless you are an amazon, of course!

OI: Gutrad, thank you for your time, and we appreciate all you do for Wrecking Kru! Best of luck in your match against Just Norsin’ Around later this week!

4 comments

  1. He graduated with an associates degree in P.E. with a 4.0 average. His favorite class was “History of Bretonnia”.

  2. Great Story Caven, sir. I am still sad about Stonepuke though. I think he had character. I still chuckle about Stonepuke ‘poo.’ ๐Ÿ˜€ But yes, nice to hear from Gutrad. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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