Hades’ Angels: The Devastator

The Devastator perused the spreadsheet with casual interest. As it went over the statistics it wore a slightly demonic frown: “Kills”, “Wildfires”, “Sacked dwellings”, “Poisoned springs” and so on read the columns in the sheet. Reviewing the WarMachine™ reports was one of its favourite activities during a regular workday. Similar as for many other managers spreadsheets gave it a sense of satisfaction, and the statistics on the countless beastman warbands that were currently rampaging through The Badlands were once again a very pleasing read.

“It’s a coach Robowhale (?) on your third crystal ball” interrupted assistant #18 nervously. “He claims you had scheduled a remote meeting with him supposed to begin 20 minutes ago?”. “Let him wait the puny mortal!” almost whispered The Devastator. “He’ll know when he is ready to face me”.

Funnily, until a couple days ago, The Devastator had planned to kill Robowhale. Of course, it wouldn’t waste time on doing this itself, but simply have a pair of bloodletters pay him a surprise morning visit. Then it had forgotten about him again as running the new blood bowl programme was a long way down on its list of priorities.

As it recalled, it had picked Robowhale to coach the Hades’ Angels from a little-known bush league team called Khorne’s Kruxaders. There he had served as the Assistant Chaos Warrior Coach, and before that he had apparently functioned as an Assistant Tackling Coach on the Magrita Misfits, where he had first worked with the famous Beer 13 defence. It had amused The Devastator greatly that Robowhale claimed he had subbed as a chaos warrior with The Mordheim Black Knights for 8 games over three seasons before he had had his skull smashed on a Saurus block ending his career and ruining the sight on his left eye. At 6’4 and approx. 120 kilos ‘Robo’ would have made for a diminutive Chaos Warrior. The absurdity of the thought bettered its mood again. Perhaps that’s why that Saurus almost tore his head off if that is even true it thought.

The Devastator could of course easily have secured the services of one of many experienced chaos coaches, but in the end it had chosen this sorry Robowhale character because it wanted someone simple-minded and unassuming. Someone who would be grateful just to hold a head coaching job and wouldn’t interfere with its grand plans.

To begin with Robowhale had fit the bill perfectly. For instance, when he learned that the Angels would face a Nurgle team in an upcoming training match, he had attempted to explain to the team that they could fight and die in the match like usual with the bonus knowledge that they might be blessed by Nurgle’s rot should they be slain. Apparently, such abstract concepts had made most of the beastmen uneasy which had caused them to turn on Robowhale and run amok. Farly Muzzle nearly killed him when it rammed him against a doorway before Michael the chaos warrior and team captain intervened and saved his life.

Unfortunately, once back from the infirmary the coach had carried on to displaying what The Devastator perceived as occasional signs of competence, e.g. by teaching the players blocking techniques and even leading them to a couple of W’s in the team’s maiden season. That kind of disciplined and rational approach was in direct conflict with The Devastator’s chaotic intentions, and thus now that it came to reflect on it again, it decided to get rid of him immediately! By daring to disturb The Devastator Robowhale had apparently made his last mistake…

The Devastator had sired numerous demonic spirits throughout his existence. Louise, one of the up and coming ones, was ready for a new challenge: By taking the form of a human it could pose as the coach of Hades’ Angels replacing Robowhale. Thus, The Devastator proceeded to instruct the nearest assistant to have Robowhale killed and summoned Louise.

In that instant, The Devastator felt a giant jolt of energy and it experienced itself in ten thousand futures being terrifyingly more powerful than it was today. Living a future memory, it gazed back through time seeing how it had attained ever more power, and it was strikingly clear, that the life arc of Robowhale was somehow connected to The Devastator and its standing with The Ancients. At that moment, it new, that the blood bowl programme was not a silly distraction like it had been convinced of until now, not an absurd and spiteful test, but in fact a sacred path to win favour with its masters.

Intrigued and determined, The Devastator instantaneously instructed Louise: “You will take the form of the human Bannon Thruthbane and serve as Personal Assistant to the Head Coach of the Hades’ Angels. You will be first among my spies and report back to me on any move which Robowhale implements or even contemplates. You will see to it that he does not, however unlikely, corrupt the players’ undiluted chaotic disposition and that the team does not gather unwanted attention or success. But first you must terminate the bloodletters that was sent to kill him. Do it!”

One comment

Join the Conversation