Just 2 weeks to go in the MML’s 3rd regular season, and some players have really distinguished themselves from what clearly are not their peers.
BEST SCORER
Varil, of The Frozen Thrones, may not always be the fastest player on the field, but if you can catch him, you probably can’t take him down by yourself. He is the fastest dwarf you’ll ever meet, and his 12 TDs are double that of his nearest competitors, Billy, of Leaping Lizard, and Juken’ & Side Winder, both of the Skuttle Butts.
Conference Leaders
Sword Coast Conference: Varil (12), of The Frozen Thrones; In His Rearview: Alaric Frej (2), of Los Pumas, Velstadt, Royal Aegis (2) of The Bell Keepers, and Royce Gracie (2), of Los Pumas
Wasteland Athletic Conference: Billy (6), of Leaping Lizard; In His Rearview: Gorbag Marlarr (5), of The Green Tide Titans
First 4: Juken’ (6) and Side Winder (6), of Skuttle Butts
Noble South Conference: Rhasscaeon Aldaloth (5), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators; In His Rearview: Lashamute Squeek (4), of Mauz, and Tehechitlaqs (4), of Reptile Dysfunction
Death Valley Conference: Lildhil (5), of The Blitzkriegers; In His Rearview: Banlaen (3) and Rienis (3), of The Blitzkriegers
Dungeon West: Lazit-qa (4), of The Cold Hard Truth; In His Rearview: Coalt of Zlatlan (2) & Garconquatsa (2), of The Cold Hard Truth, Leeroy Jenkins (2), of New Orcland Grunts, and Taldrir (2), of Nevermoor Ravens
Wicked Forest Conference: Spermadactyl (3) & Ornithop0wna (3), of TMNL
Iron League: Jack Daniel’s (3), of Bill COWher Power Hour; In His Rearview: Ceazer (2) & Brutus (2), of Da Orcs of Rome, Srirad (2), of Red Fang Fury, Stephen Goatkowski (2) & Horny Siragusa (2), of Bill COWher Power Hour, and Graost (2) & Rotnail (2), of Wrecking kru
BEST RUSHER
With 430 running yards, Varil, of The Frozen Thrones, is as untouchable in this stat category as he is on the field. His closest competitor is Pork Attack’s Chuck Bacon, who has 298 running yards.
Conference Leaders
SCC: Varil (430), of The Frozen Thrones; In His Rearview: Sir Alonne (232), of The Bell Keepers
F4: Chuck Bacon (298), of Pork Attack; In His Rearview: Juken’ (276), of Skuttle Butts
WFC: Spermadactyl (272), of TMNL; In His Rearview: Ornithop0wna (138), of TMNL
WAC: Gorbag Marlarr (266), of The Green Tide Titans; In His Rearview: Billy (246), of Leaping Lizard
NSC: Skinks MacKenzie (238), of Celebrity Reptiles; In His Rearview: Tehechitlaqs (214), of Reptile Dysfunction
DVC: Zarniss (232), of Loren Rockets; In His Rearview: Gabaf (108), of Cans wes eats it
DW: Leeroy Jenkins (212), of New Orcland Grunts; In His Rearview: Althhor (142), of Bloodshot Warriors
IL: Srirad (186), of Red Fang Fury; In His Rearview: Marsheep Faulk (156), of Bill COWher Power Hour
BEST THROWER
Nimphenien Aladanae, of Thee Grandiose Gladiators, has thrown for 108 yards this season. If you look beyond that trail of dust behind him, you can make out Mauz’s Lhiutch, with 74 throwing yards.
Conference Leaders
NSC: Nimphenien Aladanae (108), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators; In His Rearview: Lhiutch (74) of Mauz
WFC: Eomund Doolist (56), of Gottleib Gladiators; In His Rearview: Spermadactyl (24) of TMNL
SCC: Lilriorn (54), of Darvi Bloodwings; In His Rearview: Alaric Frej (34), of Los Pumas
DW: Althhor (44), of The Bloodshot Warriors; In His Rearview: Leeroy Jenkins (26), of New Orcland Grunts
F4: Juken’ (40), of Skuttle Butts; In His Rearview: Zarlara (26) of Seathiel Treehawks
DVC: Zarniss (34), of Loren Rockets; In His Rearview: Gaesmal (20) & Bantain (20), of The Blitzkriegers
IL: Grimzig (18), of Red Fang Fury, and MarSHEEP Faulk (18), of Bill COWher Power Hour
WAC: Sloukly Mantle (12), of Thugz of Weldrake; In His Rearview: Gorbag Marlarr (4), of The Green Tide Titans
BEST RECEIVER
At 5 catches each, it doesn’t get more reliable than this trio of receivers: Althhor, of Bloodshot Warriors, Zeshuir, of Seathiel Treehawks, and Rhasscaeon Aldaloth, of Thee Grandiose Gladiators. With the game on the line, throw it deep to these guys and let them work their magic!
Conference Leaders
DW: Althhor (5), of Bloodshot Warriors; In His Rearview: Eldilelle (3), of Bloodshot Warriors
F4: Zeshuir (5), of Seathiel Treehawks; In His Rearview: Side Winder (3) of Skuttle Butts
NSC: Rhasscaeon Aldaloth (5), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators; In His Rearview: Lashamute Squeek (3) & Derrat Henry (3), of Mauz, and Butterhands Fumblecatch (3), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators
WFC: Mikael Vogin, Jr. (4), of Gottleib Gladiators; In His Rearview: Sornyrd (3), of White Owlz
IL: Srirad (4), of Red Fang Fury; In His Rearview: Jack Daniel’s (1) & Horny Siragusa (1) of Bill COWher Power Hour, Morgnee (1), of Red Fang Fury, and Morkzog (1), of Wrecking kru
DVC: Zarniss (4), of Loren Rockets; In His Rearview: Zebey’huir (3), of Loren Rockets, and Banlaen (3), of The Blitzkriegers
SCC: Maxmillian Fleisch (4), of Los Pumas; In His Rearview: Hans Lamprecht (3), of Los Pumas
WAC: Ripper Wahrd (1), of The Green Tide Titans; In His Rearview: the rest of the conference
BIGGEST BRUTE
Knob Creek, of Bill COWher Power Hour, now leads the League in knockouts, with 9 to his credit. What’s even more impressive is that he accumulated them in only 5 games, since his opponents were too scared to show up last week. Skuttle Butts’ Eviscerator & Decapitator are both behind him at 7 apiece.
Conference Leaders
IL: Knob Creek (9), of Bill COWher Power Hour; In His Rearview: Gutrad (3) & Braduk Break’Throat (3), of Wrecking kru, Grohuk (3) & Fist Rockbone (3), of Red Fang Fury, and Bill RAManowski (3), of Bill COWher Power Hour
F4: Eviscerator (7) & Decapitator (7), of Skuttle Butts
SCC: Dulain Thagi-Troll (6), of The Frozen Thrones; In His Rearview: Hisil Thagi-Troll (5), of The Frozen Thrones
DW: Xli of the River (5), of The Cold Hard Truth; In His Rearview: Raymona Rice (4), of Nevermoor Ravens, and Uta of Pahualaxa (4), of The Cold Hard Truth
WFC: Hannibal Lickter (4) & Killmono Dragon (4), of TMNL
DVC: Yn-hyn Nag’aur (4), of Merthyr Shock’n’Ore, and Azhag Bruis’Throat (4), of Cans wes eats it
WAC: Munch (3), of The Green Tide Titans, and Feraligator (3) & Steve Irwin (3), of Hissstory of Violence
NSC: Wyei (3), of Mauz, Eitimonion Werelenial (3), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators, Arnold Kroxigator (3), of Celebrity Reptiles, and Goqtoc of Despair (3), of Reptile Dysfunction
MOST VIOLENT
The 4 Horsemen of the Apothecary have inflicted 7 casualties each this season: Wade, of Leaping Lizard; Robshank, of The Green Tide Titans; Goqtoc of Despair, of Reptile Dysfunction; andDulain Thagi-Troll, of The Frozen Thrones.
Conference Leaders
WAC: Wade (7), of Leaping Lizard, and Robshank (7), of The Green Tide Titans
NSC: Goqtoc of Despair (7), of Reptile Dysfunction; In His Rearview: Newt Gingrich (4), of Celebrity Reptiles
SCC: Dulain Thagi-Troll (7), of The Frozen Thrones; In His Rearview: Velstadt, Royal Aegis (5), of The Bell Keepers
IL: Knob Creek (6), of Bill COWher Power Hour; In His Rearview: Takru (3), of Wrecking kru
WFC: Jekil Fentleberry (4), of Gottleib Gladiators, and Smashceratops (4), of TMNL
DW: Taklor (3), of New Orcland Grunts, Raymona Rice (3), of Nevermoor Ravens, and Kro’lotha (3), of The Cold Hard Truth
F4: Eviscerator (3) & Decapitator (3), of Skuttle Butts, and Höl Hog (3), of Pork Attack
DVC: Mitiaedyn (2) & Zebey’huir (2), of Loren Rockets, and Haseoth (2), of The Blitzkriegers
SERIAL KILLER
While 15 currently active players have killed someone in a pro match this season, only 1 of them managed to do so twice. Introducing a new League Leaders category to which only one player can currently claim the title. Your League boogey man is now Robshank, from The Green Tide Titans. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Other Killers Lurking About: Maimonychus, of TMNL; Bernie, of Praag no5 team; Gesdar, of Nevermoor Ravens; Grazog, of New Orcland Grunts; Decapitator, of Skuttle Butts; Hamhock, of Pork Attack; Jim Beam & Jameson, of Bill COWher Power Hour; Jupiter, of Da Orcs of Rome; Velstadt, Royal Aegis, of The Bell Keepers; Marnast, of Cans wes eats it; Caelis, of The Blitzkriegers; Dulain Thagi-Troll, of The Frozen Thrones; and Grant Hoffenmiester, of Los Pumas
BEST INTERCEPTOR
You’ve gotta be kidding me. Just 1 interception through 6 weeks, and it belongs to an orc blitzer, Marnast, of Cans wes eats it.
BEST PUNCHING BAGS
Just look at their faces. Don’t you just wanna punch ’em? Well, it seems the League overwhelmingly agrees with you, because, at 5 times apiece this season, these players get knocked out more than Bill Cosby’s dinner dates (C’mon, too soon?! It’s the 26th Century, for cryin’ out loud!): Jimmy, of Leaping Lizard; Raymona Rice, of Nevermoor Ravens; Hyper Fang, of Skuttle Butts; Likite Wring, of Mauz; andLothanfel, of Loren Rockets.
Conference Losers
WAC: Jimmy (5), of Leaping Lizard; One Step Above Him: Colours Jr, of Hissstory of Violence
DW: Raymona Rice (5), of Nevermoor Ravens; One Step Above Her: Lanhor (4), of Nevermoor Ravens
F4: Hyper Fang (5), of Skuttle Butts; One Step Above Him: Tra’tigor (4), of The Bastard Executioners, and Cirost (4), of Seathiel Treehawks
NSC: Likite Wring (5), of Mauz; One Step Above Him: Art Skinkletter (4), of Celebrity Reptiles, Tehechitlaqs (4), of Reptile Dysfunction, and Likamute of Hell (4), of Mauz
DVC: Lothanfel (5), of Loren Rockets; One Step Above Him: Zarniss (3), of Loren Rockets, Gaesmal (3), Lildhil (3), Banthil (3), and Umbean (3), of The Blitzkriegers, and Gabaf (3), of Cans wes eats it
WFC: Dilgaliel (4), of White Owlz; One Step Above Him: Truman Gates (3), of Gottleib Gladiators
IL: Stephen Goatkowski (3), of Bill COWher Power Hour, and Gorfang Eat’Zeye (3), of Wrecking kru
SCC: Velstadt, Royal Aegis (3) & Throne Watcher (3), of The Bell Keepers, and Meinholf Voltz (3), of Los Pumas