Just 2 weeks to go in the MML’s 3rd regular season, and some players have really distinguished themselves from what clearly are not their peers.

BEST SCORER

Varil, of The Frozen Thrones, may not always be the fastest player on the field, but if you can catch him, you probably can’t take him down by yourself.  He is the fastest dwarf you’ll ever meet, and his 12 TDs are double that of his nearest competitors, Billy, of Leaping Lizard, and Juken’ & Side Winder, both of the Skuttle Butts.

Conference Leaders

Sword Coast Conference: Varil (12), of The Frozen Thrones; In His Rearview: Alaric Frej (2), of Los Pumas, Velstadt, Royal Aegis (2) of The Bell Keepers, and Royce Gracie (2), of Los Pumas

Wasteland Athletic Conference: Billy (6), of Leaping Lizard; In His Rearview: Gorbag Marlarr (5), of The Green Tide Titans

First 4: Juken’ (6) and Side Winder (6), of Skuttle Butts

Noble South Conference: Rhasscaeon Aldaloth (5), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators; In His Rearview: Lashamute Squeek (4), of Mauz, and Tehechitlaqs (4), of Reptile Dysfunction

Death Valley Conference: Lildhil (5), of The Blitzkriegers; In His Rearview: Banlaen (3) and Rienis (3), of The Blitzkriegers

Dungeon West: Lazit-qa (4), of The Cold Hard Truth; In His Rearview: Coalt of Zlatlan (2) & Garconquatsa (2), of The Cold Hard Truth, Leeroy Jenkins (2), of New Orcland Grunts, and Taldrir (2), of Nevermoor Ravens

Wicked Forest Conference: Spermadactyl (3) & Ornithop0wna (3), of TMNL

Iron League: Jack Daniel’s (3), of Bill COWher Power Hour; In His Rearview: Ceazer (2) & Brutus (2), of Da Orcs of Rome, Srirad (2), of Red Fang Fury, Stephen Goatkowski (2) & Horny Siragusa (2), of Bill COWher Power Hour, and Graost (2) & Rotnail (2), of Wrecking kru

 

BEST RUSHER

With 430 running yards, Varil, of The Frozen Thrones, is as untouchable in this stat category as he is on the field.  His closest competitor is Pork Attack’s Chuck Bacon, who has 298 running yards.

Conference Leaders

SCC: Varil (430), of The Frozen Thrones; In His Rearview: Sir Alonne (232), of The Bell Keepers

F4: Chuck Bacon (298), of Pork Attack; In His Rearview: Juken’ (276), of Skuttle Butts

WFC: Spermadactyl (272), of TMNL; In His Rearview: Ornithop0wna (138), of TMNL

WAC: Gorbag Marlarr (266), of The Green Tide Titans; In His Rearview: Billy (246), of Leaping Lizard

NSC: Skinks MacKenzie (238), of Celebrity Reptiles; In His Rearview: Tehechitlaqs (214), of Reptile Dysfunction

DVC: Zarniss (232), of Loren Rockets; In His Rearview: Gabaf (108), of Cans wes eats it

DW: Leeroy Jenkins (212), of New Orcland Grunts; In His Rearview: Althhor (142), of Bloodshot Warriors

IL: Srirad (186), of Red Fang Fury; In His Rearview: Marsheep Faulk (156), of Bill COWher Power Hour

 

BEST THROWER

Nimphenien Aladanae, of Thee Grandiose Gladiators, has thrown for 108 yards this season. If you look beyond that trail of dust behind him, you can make out Mauz’s Lhiutch, with 74 throwing yards.

Conference Leaders

NSC: Nimphenien Aladanae (108), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators; In His Rearview: Lhiutch (74) of Mauz

WFC: Eomund Doolist (56), of Gottleib Gladiators; In His Rearview: Spermadactyl (24) of TMNL

SCC: Lilriorn (54), of Darvi Bloodwings; In His Rearview: Alaric Frej (34), of Los Pumas

DW: Althhor (44), of The Bloodshot Warriors; In His Rearview: Leeroy Jenkins (26), of New Orcland Grunts

F4: Juken’ (40), of Skuttle Butts; In His Rearview: Zarlara (26) of Seathiel Treehawks

DVC: Zarniss (34), of Loren Rockets; In His Rearview: Gaesmal (20) & Bantain (20), of The Blitzkriegers

IL: Grimzig (18), of Red Fang Fury, and MarSHEEP Faulk (18), of Bill COWher Power Hour

WAC: Sloukly Mantle (12), of Thugz of Weldrake; In His Rearview: Gorbag Marlarr (4), of The Green Tide Titans

 

BEST RECEIVER

At 5 catches each, it doesn’t get more reliable than this trio of receivers: Althhor, of Bloodshot Warriors, Zeshuir, of Seathiel Treehawks, and Rhasscaeon Aldaloth, of Thee Grandiose Gladiators. With the game on the line, throw it deep to these guys and let them work their magic!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conference Leaders

DW: Althhor (5), of Bloodshot Warriors; In His Rearview: Eldilelle (3), of Bloodshot Warriors

F4: Zeshuir (5), of Seathiel Treehawks; In His Rearview: Side Winder (3) of Skuttle Butts

NSC: Rhasscaeon Aldaloth (5), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators; In His Rearview: Lashamute Squeek (3) & Derrat Henry (3), of Mauz, and Butterhands Fumblecatch (3), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators

WFC: Mikael Vogin, Jr. (4), of Gottleib Gladiators; In His Rearview: Sornyrd (3), of White Owlz

IL: Srirad (4), of Red Fang Fury; In His Rearview: Jack Daniel’s (1) & Horny Siragusa (1) of Bill COWher Power Hour, Morgnee (1), of Red Fang Fury, and Morkzog (1), of Wrecking kru

DVC: Zarniss (4), of Loren Rockets; In His Rearview: Zebey’huir (3), of Loren Rockets, and Banlaen (3), of The Blitzkriegers

SCC: Maxmillian Fleisch (4), of Los Pumas; In His Rearview: Hans Lamprecht (3), of Los Pumas

WAC: Ripper Wahrd (1), of The Green Tide Titans; In His Rearview: the rest of the conference

 

BIGGEST BRUTE

Knob Creek, of Bill COWher Power Hour, now leads the League in knockouts, with 9 to his credit. What’s even more impressive is that he accumulated them in only 5 games, since his opponents were too scared to show up last week. Skuttle Butts’ Eviscerator & Decapitator are both behind him at 7 apiece.

Conference Leaders

IL: Knob Creek (9), of Bill COWher Power Hour; In His Rearview: Gutrad (3) & Braduk Break’Throat (3), of Wrecking kru, Grohuk (3) & Fist Rockbone (3), of Red Fang Fury, and Bill RAManowski (3), of Bill COWher Power Hour

F4: Eviscerator (7) & Decapitator (7), of Skuttle Butts

SCC: Dulain Thagi-Troll (6), of The Frozen Thrones; In His Rearview: Hisil Thagi-Troll (5), of The Frozen Thrones

DW: Xli of the River (5), of The Cold Hard Truth; In His Rearview: Raymona Rice (4), of Nevermoor Ravens, and Uta of Pahualaxa (4), of The Cold Hard Truth

WFC: Hannibal Lickter (4) & Killmono Dragon (4), of TMNL

DVC: Yn-hyn Nag’aur (4), of Merthyr Shock’n’Ore, and Azhag Bruis’Throat (4), of Cans wes eats it

WAC: Munch (3), of The Green Tide Titans, and Feraligator (3) & Steve Irwin (3), of Hissstory of Violence

NSC: Wyei (3), of Mauz, Eitimonion Werelenial (3), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators, Arnold Kroxigator (3), of Celebrity Reptiles, and Goqtoc of Despair (3), of Reptile Dysfunction

 

MOST VIOLENT

The 4 Horsemen of the Apothecary have inflicted 7 casualties each this season: Wade, of Leaping Lizard; Robshank, of The Green Tide Titans; Goqtoc of Despair, of Reptile Dysfunction; andDulain Thagi-Troll, of The Frozen Thrones.

 

Conference Leaders

WAC: Wade (7), of Leaping Lizard, and Robshank (7), of The Green Tide Titans

NSC: Goqtoc of Despair (7), of Reptile Dysfunction; In His Rearview: Newt Gingrich (4), of Celebrity Reptiles

SCC: Dulain Thagi-Troll (7), of The Frozen Thrones; In His Rearview: Velstadt, Royal Aegis (5), of The Bell Keepers

IL: Knob Creek (6), of Bill COWher Power Hour; In His Rearview: Takru (3), of Wrecking kru

WFC: Jekil Fentleberry (4), of Gottleib Gladiators,  and Smashceratops (4), of TMNL

DW: Taklor (3), of New Orcland Grunts, Raymona Rice (3), of Nevermoor Ravens, and Kro’lotha (3), of The Cold Hard Truth

F4: Eviscerator (3) & Decapitator (3), of Skuttle Butts, and Höl Hog (3), of Pork Attack

DVC: Mitiaedyn (2) & Zebey’huir (2), of Loren Rockets, and Haseoth (2), of The Blitzkriegers

 

SERIAL KILLER

While 15 currently active players have killed someone in a pro match this season, only 1 of them managed to do so twice. Introducing a new League Leaders category to which only one player can currently claim the title. Your League boogey man is now Robshank, from The Green Tide Titans. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

 

Other Killers Lurking About: Maimonychus, of TMNL; Bernie, of Praag no5 team; Gesdar, of Nevermoor Ravens; Grazog, of New Orcland Grunts; Decapitator, of Skuttle Butts; Hamhock, of Pork Attack; Jim Beam & Jameson, of Bill COWher Power Hour; Jupiter, of Da Orcs of Rome; Velstadt, Royal Aegis, of The Bell Keepers; Marnast, of Cans wes eats it; Caelis, of The Blitzkriegers; Dulain Thagi-Troll, of The Frozen Thrones; and Grant Hoffenmiester, of Los Pumas

 

BEST INTERCEPTOR

You’ve gotta be kidding me. Just 1 interception through 6 weeks, and it belongs to an orc blitzer, Marnast, of Cans wes eats it.

 

BEST PUNCHING BAGS

Just look at their faces. Don’t you just wanna punch ’em? Well, it seems the League overwhelmingly agrees with you, because, at 5 times apiece this season, these players get knocked out more than Bill Cosby’s dinner dates (C’mon, too soon?! It’s the 26th Century, for cryin’ out loud!): Jimmy, of Leaping Lizard; Raymona Rice, of Nevermoor Ravens; Hyper Fang, of Skuttle Butts; Likite Wring, of Mauz; andLothanfel, of Loren Rockets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conference Losers

WAC: Jimmy (5), of Leaping Lizard; One Step Above Him: Colours Jr, of Hissstory of Violence

DW: Raymona Rice (5), of Nevermoor Ravens; One Step Above Her: Lanhor (4), of Nevermoor Ravens

F4: Hyper Fang (5), of Skuttle Butts; One Step Above Him: Tra’tigor (4), of The Bastard Executioners, and Cirost (4), of Seathiel Treehawks

NSC: Likite Wring (5), of Mauz; One Step Above Him: Art Skinkletter (4), of Celebrity Reptiles, Tehechitlaqs (4), of Reptile Dysfunction, and Likamute of Hell (4), of Mauz

DVC: Lothanfel (5), of Loren Rockets; One Step Above Him: Zarniss (3), of Loren Rockets, Gaesmal (3), Lildhil (3), Banthil (3), and Umbean (3), of The Blitzkriegers, and Gabaf (3), of Cans wes eats it

WFC: Dilgaliel (4), of White Owlz; One Step Above Him: Truman Gates (3), of Gottleib Gladiators

IL: Stephen Goatkowski (3), of Bill COWher Power Hour, and Gorfang Eat’Zeye (3), of Wrecking kru

SCC: Velstadt, Royal Aegis (3) & Throne Watcher (3), of The Bell Keepers, and Meinholf Voltz (3), of Los Pumas