It’s Time to Share the Dignity
by Alan Mittag
Three years since the last time anyone in Dignity Tower had heard from Coach Sestonn, and still Dignity waited. They were surprised when they weren’t signed to Season 17. …and 18. and 19. and 20.
“I think it’s time we go home,” Royalty said to the assembled members of Dignity. “Coach Sestonn isn’t coming back.”
“You all can go back,” Physique said. He walked with a limp now, but there was still no quit in the blitzer. “Blood Bowl is my life, I ain’t going back. Besides,” he added. “There are no human women in Ulthuan. It’s so… boring.”
“I won’t be going either,” Count Ridiculous said. “I may not be as quick as I used to be, but there’s still more winning to do.”
Every other elf in the room mimicked his next line in unison, having heard it hundreds of times since meeting the Count. “And you can’t spell win without an I.” They even matched his dramatic pause. “And I have two of them.”
Royalty rolled his eyes. “Fine, stay here. But don’t spend your lives waiting on Coach Sestonn. That loser isn’t coming back.”
The ceiling caved in and Eccentric tumbled out of if right onto me. “Aaaaaahhhhhhhhooouuuwwwch!”
Royalty whipped around. “What!? How? When?” He gathered himself with a deep breath. “Why are YOU still here? Coach let you go midway through Season 16.”
Eccentric jumped back to his feet, dusted himself off, and said, “Duh, I LIVE here.”
Royalty’s palm struck flat on his forehead. “It’s been THREE YEARS!”
Eccentric started jumping up and down, excited about something all of the sudden. It was hard, but I climbed out from under him without being stomped to death.
“I have letters…” Eccentric said, pulling four envelopes out of his pocket and waving them in the air. A little flash of red and blue.
Physique’s eyebrows drew together. “Where did you get that?”
Eccentric handed him a letter. “I didn’t get one,” he said. “Coach fired me too early.” He gave one to Royalty. One to Count Ridiculous, and then held onto the last one as he looked around. “Where’s Funny?”
Royalty snatched the envelope from Eccentric. “The last I saw him he was participating in a halfling interpretive dance routine.”
Fortress, the lone Dignity lineman, hobbled over to Eccentric. “Is there one of those letters for me?”
Eccentric looked at him, blinked, cocked his head to the side and said, “Who are you?”
Fortress sunk a little deeper inside himself.
“Eccentric!!” Physique roared?
“Yes?” The catcher answered with his sweetest, most innocent look.
“These letters are dated three F’orc’n years ago!!”
Eccentric shrugged his shoulders, giggled, and ran for it up the stairs, Physique following behind, yelling obscenities.
*************** (Added in messy blue handwriting)
One hour later.
Eccentric hands Funny his letter from the MML Blitz League.
He was wearing a red polka dot dress with white lion dots under a bedazzled black leather jacket, with hair of gold highlighted purple, and rested in the arms of a thick dwarf with pink hair, pink beard and an unbuttoned shirt to show off a thick tuft of pink body hair. Funny knew who he was. I alwa… Eccentric always liked that about him.
Funny accepted the envelope, looked it over, and said, “Ooohhhh my.” He looked up at me and winked. “I’m going to catch my own kick.”
But what was I going to do? I mean Eccentric. What was Eccentric going to do?