Jorg Fentleberry’s Scryphone

Candi from the club: Hey, sexy

Me: Oh hell no. Steering clear of you

Candi from the club: Don’t blame me. I didn’t force u to take those pills.

Me: You told me they were anti-hangover medicine! I went ballistic afterwards! I ended up fighting bouncers!

Candi from the club: Oh poor baby. But I nursed u back 2 health, didn’t I? I even checked u for colon cancer. 😉

Me: Shut up! That never happened. You’re talking reckless. I was late to the team meeting that morning! Almost missed the bus to the Rat’s Nest. Coach Jest benched me for the whole match! My teammates could’ve use my guard skill! If it wasn’t for you, we may have won that match!

Candi from the club: I can’t believe he benched you. You’re the best player on that team. My father would have never let that happen.

Me: What does your father know? He’s not even a coach! And what do you even know about your father? He was absent your whole life! Doesn’t even publicly acknowledge you! You’re out of control. I need to stay away from you. I’ve had to fight for every opportunity on this team. Got hired as a journeyman walk-on. Do you know how hard that is? I’m constantly struggling to fit in here. Ham Shank coming to this team may have been the best thing that ever happened to me. Took the heat off me. And then you pull this shit, and I let my whole team down. Freddie’s already starting up with his slick comments. You’re a ticking time bomb. I need to stay away from you.

Candi from the club: but u can’t, can u

Me: You’re crazy.

Candi from the club: Don’t call me that. Nobody else understands u like I do. Ur wants. Ur needs. Nobody else excites u. Nobody else can do what I do.

Me: Lose my number.

Candi from the club: If ur sore, after the game, baby, I’ll be right here waiting for u. And if u want to switch teams, I can talk to my father

Me: F’orc off

 

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