JUST SCORE – A shocking investigation published in this week’s Just Score shed light on Pork Attack’s alleged practice of plying its blood bowl team with drugs, academic assistance and cash payments in violation of MML rules, revealing that the team is an absolutely awesome place to play blood bowl. “We found by enabling recreational drug use, and encouraging recruits to sign by offering players over $10,000 annually that Pork Attack is a totally kickass team to play for,” said Just Score, adding that the “amazing” First 4 program routinely provided “lucky-as-hell” players with “incredibly cool” illegal perks. “After discovering the typical Pork player gets access to an unending supply of drugs, and free money, and while the team provides a tutor to do your homework for you, only one thought cam to my mind: ‘Pork. Attack!'” At press time, every single one of the nation’s top 300 blood bowl recruits had committed to Pork Attack.