Hello everyone! Welcome to another edition of Wrecking Kru Weekly, brought to you by OSPN. I’m Harry Gobbo, your host, and this week we had a thrilling match against Just Norsin’ Around, a dangerous Norse side that has, or had, some very talented players. Coming off of a mediocre 2-0 win over Nuffle’s Holy Rollers, the Kru were looking to put themselves in perfect position to claim one of the two available playoff spots. The Norsemen, coming off of a thrilling 1-0 upset over the New Orcland Grunts, looked to move into a better position, and continue their winning ways against Orc teams. It was not to be, however, as the Kru totally demolished the Norsemen, winning 2-0, but killing three Bikini-clad young men, and basically having their way with the bearded clams!! Here to answer our questions is Coach Caven of the Wrecking Kru!
Hello, Coach, thanks for joining us! Can you tell us the mental state of the team after such a thrilling victory?
“Thanks, Harry. Uhm, bearded clams?! You know you can’t say that, right? First, it is highly inappropriate, and second, it isn’t true. The Norsemen were fine competitors, and didn’t back down from the fight. They just couldn’t take the pounding the lads were dishing out. As for the team, they were really fired up all week, and after the game, they were ready to take on Mousillon right away. I am hoping we can store up some of that positive energy for our next match. We are riding a good winning streak right now, and with only two games left, a win against Mousillon would put us in the post season. We are very focused and excited for our next match.”
Coach, if the Kru “pounded” them, wouldn’t that make them bearded clams?! In any case, how did the Kru manage to inflict so many injuries and deaths?
“Harry, just stop it with the bearded clam bit. It isn’t funny at all. I swear, you goblins often take things too far. Especially your Goblin Gambling scam of a company. Your hands are in everything! As for the injuries, our esteemed Shaman, or Apothecary, Morclin, was able to magically infuse the team patches given to us by Preach in honor of Leeroy Jenkins. These patches added extra power to each of our players when they were hitting the Norsemen. We injured a few, and killed three. Our hit list was headed by Krystallnacht, who turned out to be just so much broken glass. Jerkin James Whitcroft was number three on our list, and he went out quicker than a halfling in a whorehouse! Van Hammersly was number four on our list, and his death was self inflicted, although the official scorers gave our lineman credit for the kill. Injuring Captain Tragedy and Mr. Fasthorse were also on our radar, but they were just collateral damage. Morclin was also able to imbue our armor with added protection. If you remember, the Norsemen used a Wizard to send a fireball down on our players. Only one, Gutrad, was affected, and he was only knocked out for a bit. He returned to the match after the score. I do feel for Coach Commie, however. It seems that someone, I’m looking at YOU, Goblin Gambling, told my lads that the Norsemen were responsible for Leeroy Jenkins death. We recently found out the truth. Coach Preach killed him! His own coach and team Apothecary murdered Leeroy! I am convinced that Goblin Gambling is behind it, and that Preach is a part of that group. How else could he afford to buy the Grunts after he was fired from the head coach position? The Wrecking Kru officially apologize to Just Norsin’ Around for the deaths and accusations. If we could, we would take back the death of Van Hammersly. But not the other two. They needed to die.”
Coach, it seems that you are walking a dangerous line, going head-to-head with Goblin Gambling. Aren’t you worried that bad things could happen to you?
“Harry, nothing could be worse than having a goblin referee steal a playoff match from you! Death would be preferable! We are looking to once again capture the MML Championship, and I want to make sure that everyone knows about the Goblin Gambling and their schemes. That might prevent it from happening during a live cabalvision match!”
Coach, on a side note, we heard that Stonepuke was making a comeback with the Kru. Is this true?
“NO! He will not ever be a part of this team again. However, we have signed Stonepuke to a contract with our Age of Sigmar team, the Fist of Chaos. He has been out so long, he is once again classified as a rookie. He once again has no skills. Not that he ever did. We found our team in a position with a lot of team value, and instead of ditching gold, we purchased players. It will give us some different looks and allow us to do different things. But, I repeat, he is NOT going to be a part of the Wrecking Kru!”
Ok…well, Coach, you mentioned playoffs. Can you give us a clinching scenario against Mousillon?
“Certainly, Harry. Although, you are the reporter, and should be giving this information out on your program instead of leaving it to me. You see, it is quite simple. We have a three point lead on the new Skaven side, Snitchburgh PieRats, and a five point lead on Dignity. There are only 6 possible points remaining in the season. With a win, we will clinch a playoff berth. Dignity and Snitchburgh play each other this week, which puts us in really great shape. With a Skaven win, we clinch a playoff spot regardless of the outcome of our match with Mousillon. If they draw, we can clinch with a draw. So, you see, we are right on the doorstep to punching our ticket. We are not taking Mousillon lightly, however. They are loaded with talent, and are coached by a really good Coach, Sturmjarl. We will go out and play for the win, take care of business, then celebrate our return to the playoffs!”
Coach, one last question. Rumor has it that you will be leaving Wrecking Kru to coach the High Elf side, Highspire Rangers next season in the Pros. Any truth to that?
“None whatsoever, Harry. The Rangers found themselves needing a coach, and they paid handsomely for me to take the reins on an interim basis. Let’s face it, they are a decent team, but they haven’t faced any hard hitters, and they are elves! They never hit as hard as I would like, no matter how many times we go over it in practice. They like to dance around before hitting the hole when they have the ball. I am an old school coach. If you get the ball, and your line creates an opening, you hit that hole full speed and don’t stop until you reach paydirt! No, I am staying with the Kru until we both retire.”
Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen! A fiery Coach Caven gives it to us straight! Thanks for tuning in to this week’s edition of Wrecking Kru Weekly, brought to you by OSPN! I am Harry Gobbo, signing off! And remember, go to Goblin Gambling for all of your monetary needs!!