Week 7 is complete, and some of our League Leaders categories have been rocked drastically by unforeseen events. Unfortunately, with the creation of new competitions for Week 8, tracking League Leaders becomes even more tedious than it is now. Thus, runner-ups will not be provided in the final tallies of each category next week. However, I still plan to present the conference winners for each category, if reasonably possible.
BEST SCORER
The MML community was shocked to learn that its runaway leading scorer, Varil, who had 12 touchdowns last week and scored another one in Week 7, is no longer with The Frozen Thrones! The Thrones have yet to issue a statement as to what happened, but here is what I have deduced so far: At the conclusion of the top of Turn 16 of the Thrones’ Week 8 game, with the game out of reach, blitzer Alglin decided to foul The Bell Keepers’ blocker The Pusuer. This may have incensed the Keepers’ Most Violent player, Velstadt, Royal Aegis, who responded in the bottom of T16 with a legal Mighty Blow against Varil. For an unexplained reason, CabalVision crystal balls cut from the field before the results of that blow were shown, but we suspect that a resulting injury may have something to do with the disappearance of the League’s most exciting offensive player. We await a statement from The Frozen Thrones. In the meantime, the race for the League scoring title is all of a sudden close again, with the two leaders, Side Winder, of the Skuttle Butts, and Billy, of Leaping Lizard, holding 7 touchdowns each.
Conference Leaders
Wasteland Athletic Conference: Billy (7), of Leaping Lizard; In His Rearview: Gorbag Marlarr (6), of The Green Tide Titans
First 4: Side Winder (7), of Skuttle Butts; In His Rearview: Juken’ (6), of Skuttle Butts
Death Valley Conference: Lildhil (6), of The Blitzkriegers; In His Rearview: Banlaen (3) & Rienis (3), of The Blitzkriegers, and Zarniss (3) & Telithra (3), of Loren Rockets
Noble South Conference: Tehechitlaqs (4), of Reptile Dysfunction, and Rhasscaeon Aldaloth (5), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators
Sword Coast Conference: Alaric Frej (4), of Los Pumas; In His Rearview: Velstadt, Royal Aegis (2) & Sir Alonne (2), of The Bell Keepers, and Royce Gracie (2), of Los Pumas
Dungeon West: Lazit-qa (4), of The Cold Hard Truth; In His Rearview: Garconquatsa (3), of The Cold Hard Truth
Wicked Forest Conference: Spermadactyl (3) & Ornithop0wna (3), of TMNL, and Martin, of Praag no5 team
Iron League: Jack Daniel’s (3), of Bill COWher Power Hour, Brutus (3), of Da Orcs of Rome, and Graost (3), of Wrecking kru
BEST RUSHER
With Varil gone, his 430 yards give way to only 4 rushers who have broken the 300-yard mark. Juken’, of Skuttle Butts, was busy in week 8, scurrying past conference-mate Chuck Bacon (316), of Pork Attack, to lead the pack at 344 running yards. Also passing Bacon and moving into 2nd place is Spermadactyl, of TMNL, with 320 yards.
Conference Leaders
F4: Juken’ (344), of Skuttle Butts; In His Rearview: Chuck Bacon (316), of Pork Attack
WFC: Spermadactyl (320), of TMNL; In His Rearview: Ornithop0wna (138), of TMNL
WAC: Gorbag Marlarr (300), of The Green Tide Titans; In His Rearview: Billy (268), of Leaping Lizard
SCC: Alaric Frej (290), of Los Pumas; In His Rearview: Sir Alonne (256), of The Bell Keepers
DVC: Zarniss (280), of Loren Rockets; In His Rearview: Gabaf (158), of Cans wes eats it
NSC: Tehechitlaqs (270), of Reptile Dysfunction; In His Rearview: Skinks MacKenzie (238), of Celebrity Reptiles
DW: Leeroy Jenkins (256), of New Orcland Grunts; In His Rearview: Garconquatsa (172), of The Cold Hard Truth
IL: Srirad (218), of Red Fang Fury; In His Rearview: Marsheep Faulk (200), of Bill COWher Power Hour
BEST THROWER
He’s fast. He’s strong. But what you most need to worry about when facing Nimphenien Aladanae of Thee Grandiose Gladiators is his golden arm. He has thrown for 108 yards this season. However, Darvi Bloodwings’ Lilriorn has amassed 90 throwing yards in only 3 games, so this category may come down to a close Week 8 finish!
Conference Leaders
NSC: Nimphenien Aladanae (108), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators; In His Rearview: Lhiutch (74) of Mauz
SCC: Lilriorn (90), of Darvi Bloodwings; In His Rearview: Alaric Frej (38), of Los Pumas
WFC: Eomund Doolist (56), of Gottleib Gladiators; In His Rearview: Spermadactyl (24) of TMNL
DVC: Zarniss (56), of Loren Rockets; In His Rearview: Gaesmal (20) & Bantain (20), of The Blitzkriegers
DW: Althhor (44), of The Bloodshot Warriors; In His Rearview: Leeroy Jenkins (26), of New Orcland Grunts
F4: Juken’ (40), of Skuttle Butts; In His Rearview: Telulan (28) of Seathiel Treehawks
IL: Grimzig (26), of Red Fang Fury; In His Rearview: MarSHEEP Faulk (18), of Bill COWher Power Hour
WAC: Sloukly Mantle (12), of Thugz of Weldrake; In His Rearview: Ripper Wahrd (6), of The Green Tide Titans
BEST RECEIVER
Zarniss, of the Loren Rockets, has jumped over the pileup of top receivers with 6 catches on the season! Ready to catch him, however, with 5 receptions each, are: Althhor, of Bloodshot Warriors; Zeshuir, of Seathiel Treehawks; Srirad, of Red Fang Fury; and Rhasscaeon Aldaloth, of Thee Grandiose Gladiators. Below, you may also notice that the WFC has a new receiving leader, as Mikael Vogin Jr., of the Gottleib Gladiators, was killed in Week 7.
Conference Leaders
DVC: Zarniss (6), of Loren Rockets; In His Rearview: Zebey’huir (3) & Hëala (3), of Loren Rockets, and Lildhil (3) & Banlaen (3), of The Blitzkriegers
DW: Althhor (5), of Bloodshot Warriors; In His Rearview: Eldilelle (3), of Bloodshot Warriors
F4: Zeshuir (5), of Seathiel Treehawks; In His Rearview: Side Winder (3) of Skuttle Butts
IL: Srirad (5), of Red Fang Fury; In His Rearview: Grimzig (1), Morgnee (1), and Grohuk (1), of Red Fang Fury, Graost (1) & Morkzog (1), of Wrecking kru, and Jack Daniel’s (1) & Horny Siragusa (1) of Bill COWher Power Hour
NSC: Rhasscaeon Aldaloth (5), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators; In His Rearview: Lashamute Squeek (4), of Mauz
SCC: Maxmillian Fleisch (4), of Los Pumas; In His Rearview: Hans Lamprecht (3), of Los Pumas
WFC: Sornyrd (3), of White Owlz; In His Rearview: Mylm’nor (2), Amalost (2), and That’sila (2), of White Owlz
WAC: Ripper Wahrd (1) & Gornast (1), of The Green Tide Titans
BIGGEST BRUTE
Knob Creek, of Bill COWher Power Hour, has now broken the 10-knockout mark. Rumor has it that Mintendo is requesting licensing rights for a “Knob Creek’s Punch-Out!!” video game. Not too far behind Creek is the Skuttle Butts’ Decapitator, who has knocked out 8 competitors this season.
Conference Leaders
IL: Knob Creek (10), of Bill COWher Power Hour; In His Rearview: Gutrad (4) & Braduk Break’Throat (4), of Wrecking kru, Grohuk (4) & Fist Rockbone (4), of Red Fang Fury, and Bill RAManowski (4), of Bill COWher Power Hour
F4: Decapitator (8), of Skuttle Butts; In His Rearview: Eviscerator (7), of Skuttle Butts
DW: Slim Pickens (7) of New Orcland Grunts; In His Rearview: Xli of the River (5) & Gortlaqs (5), of The Cold Hard Truth
SCC: Hisil Thagi-Troll (6) & Dulain Thagi-Troll (6), of The Frozen Thrones
WFC: Killmono Dragon (5), of TMNL; In His Rearview: Hannibal Lickter (4), of TMNL
DVC: Yn-hyn Nag’aur (4), of Merthyr Shock’n’Ore, and Azhag Bruis’Throat (4), of Cans wes eats it
WAC: Wade (4), of Leaping Lizard; In His Rearview: Munch (3), of The Green Tide Titans, Feraligator (3) & Steve Irwin (3), of Hissstory of Violence; and Blake (3), of Leaping Lizard
NSC: Arnold Kroxigator (4), of Celebrity Reptiles; In His Rearview: Wyei (3), of Mauz, and Eitimonion Werelenial (3), of Thee Grandiose Gladiators
MOST VIOLENT
Last week, I declared that there were 4 Horsemen of the Apothecary. As the saying goes, though, you live by the sword, you die by the sword. Goqtoc of Despair, of Reptile Dysfunction, is dead. And Wade, of Leaping Lizard, has decided to pull ahead in the race for carnage. With 9 casualties inflicted, he is currently the most violent player in the MML. Hot on his heels, however, is Robshank, of The Green Tide Titans, with 8.
Conference Leaders
WAC: Wade (9), of Leaping Lizard, and Robshank (8), of The Green Tide Titans
SCC: Dulain Thagi-Troll (7), of The Frozen Thrones; In His Rearview: Velstadt, Royal Aegis (6), of The Bell Keepers
IL: Knob Creek (7), of Bill COWher Power Hour; In His Rearview: Takru (4) & Gutrad (4), of Wrecking kru
WFC: Bernie (5), of Praag no5 team; In His Rearview: Jekil Fentleberry (4), of Gottleib Gladiators, and Smashceratops (4), of TMNL
NSC: Newt Gingrich (4), of Celebrity Reptiles; In His Rearview: Slamandó Assante (2), of Celebrity Reptiles
DW: Taklor (4), of New Orcland Grunts, Raymona Rice (3), of Nevermoor Ravens, and Kro’lotha (3), of The Cold Hard Truth
F4: Decapitator (3), Eviscerator (3), and Cheese Grater (3), of Skuttle Butts, and Höl Hog (3), of Pork Attack
DVC: Cenydd Slowbeard (3) & Migwell Vellanvil (3), of Merthyr Shock’n’Ore
SERIAL KILLER
The League’s only serial killer, Robshank, of The Green Tide Titans,remains at large with 2 kills this season.
One-Time Killers Lurking About: Gesdar, of Nevermoor Ravens; Grazog, of New Orcland Grunts; Decapitator, of Skuttle Butts; Hamhock, of Pork Attack; Zdenda & Bernie, of Praag no5 team; Maimonychus, of TMNL; Snake, of Leaping Lizard; Velstadt, Royal Aegis, of The Bell Keepers; Marnast, of Cans wes eats it; Caelis, of The Blitzkriegers; Dulain Thagi-Troll, of The Frozen Thrones; Grant Hoffenmiester, of Los Pumas; Jim Beam, Bill RAManowski, and Jameson, of Bill COWher Power Hour; Gorfang Ironhide, of Red Fang Fury; and Jupiter, of Da Orcs of Rome
BEST INTERCEPTOR
Still just 1 interception through 7 weeks of the regular season. Will orc blitzer, Marnast, of Cans wes eats it, finish the season as the League ball hawk?
BEST PUNCHING BAGS
As one might expect, you don’t last long at the top of this category. Lothanfel, of the Loren Rockets, who was tied for first place in this category last week, is dead. The 2 current leaders are Hyper Fang, of Skuttle Butts, and Throne Watcher, of The Bell Keepers, both having been knocked out 6 times this season.
Conference Leaders Practice Dummies
F4: Hyper Fang (6), of Skuttle Butts; A Little Less Punchable: Tra’tigor (4), of The Bastard Executioners, Höl Hog (4), of Pork Attack, Cirost (4), of Seathiel Treehawks, and Buck Toofs (4), of Skuttle Butts
WAC: Jimmy (5), of Leaping Lizard; A Little Less Punchable: Colours Jr (3), of Hissstory of Violence
DW: Hoahex (5), of The Cold Hard Truth, and Raymona Rice (5), of Nevermoor Ravens
NSC: Art Skinkletter (5), of Celebrity Reptiles, and Likite Wring (5), of Mauz
WFC: Dilgaliel (5), of White Owlz; A Little Less Punchable: Truman Gates (4), of Gottleib Gladiators
DVC: Zarniss (3), of Loren Rockets, Gaesmal (3), Lildhil (3), Banthil (3), and Umbean (3), of The Blitzkriegers, and Gabaf (3), of Cans wes eats it
IL: Stephen Goatkowski (3), of Bill COWher Power Hour, and Morglum Goug’Throat (3) & Gorfang Eat’Zeye (3), of Wrecking kru
SCC: Throne Watcher (6), of The Bell Keepers; A Little Less Punchable: Smelter Demon (4), of The Bell Keepers
