This post is part of the series Lift'n with Leeroy
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We’re back with another glimpse inside the Grunts workout facility deep in the bowels of the New Orcland Grunt clubhouse. Leeroy leads his teammates through yet another grueling and motivational workout.
I am, the F’orc’n one.
I AM THE ONE! That you where told about.
I AM THE ONE! Who commands his muscles to grow.
I’d rather be ANYTHING but average.
On the pitch, we rule!
Pain, you can’t deal with me…
I’m Leeroy F’orc’n Jenkins!
You F’orc’n troglodytes out there, sitting on the porch, F’orc’n fanning fires talking shit about the Grunts. F’orc. At least we’re doing something. If we’re doing it wrong, F’orc it, we’re doing something.
[Leeroy grabs a 250 dumbbell and jumps in after Testorclese gets done curling]
I’m bound by the muscle, tied to the muscle, drawn to the muscle, bleed muscle. muscle, muscle, muscle! When I wake up in the morning, muscle; lunch time, F’orc’n muscle. At dinner time, still F’orc’n muscle, and when I lay down to go to sleep at night. Still F’orc’n muscle!
I’m from muscleville! Where you from you Snap F’orcness reject looking troglodyte? Muscleville the New Orc F’orc’n Land! Where you from? Punk sissy, put your elf-skirt on, go out there and swat a couple balls with your tennis racket.
But if you want to be a Grunt, you gotta put that shit down, stop talking shit and get your ass in the game.
Anybody can do what the F’orc’n you do.
[Leeroy drops the dumbbell, gets up and walks over to Whaling Jennings who is curling]
Come on Whaling!
I was working out with Orcbert Einstein, I’m sure you’ve heard of him…bushy haired, psycho-analyst F’orc’n troglodyte, and he would scratch his F’orc’n head and say, “Leeroy, how many reps we suppose to do?”
I said, “DON’T EVER ASK ME NO SHIT LIKE THAT ORCBERT!!!”
You do em till you can’t do no F’orc’n more. F’orc being so strict. F’orc going by the book. F’orc the book.
Orcbert was a genius, but Orcbert didn’t know…you go till you can’t do no F’orc’n more….ORCBERT!
Get it Whaling!
[Leeroy waits, then swaps out with Whaling on the curl bar, barking ‘yup’ with each curl]
Shit. Grrrrrr. Yup. Yup. Yup.
[Leeroy stops and looks around]
“Damn, you only did…how come you only did three?”
CAUSE F’ORC’N TROGLODYTE, THAT’S ALL I WANTED TO F’ORC’N DO!!!!
[Leeroy goes back to curling the bar]
Do something! You ain’t doing shit, but talking shit. Any F’orc’n knock kneed, pigeon-toed F’orc’n troglodyte could do that. Obviously…cause you doing it.
Bring your punk troglodyte ass over here and talk shit. You be spitting out teeth! You pork rind eating, couch sitting troglodytes, sitting on the couch talking shit. That’s all you know how to do!
Which one of you F’orc’n troglodytes is coming in second?
Yup. Yup.. Yup…
Continue reading this series:
Lift’n with Leeroy – What is Getting Nuffled. #HeadFirst