This post is part of the series Lift'n with Leeroy
Other posts in this series:
[BFG sits in on the Grunt workout, after the Nation’s win against the Snitchburgh PieRats. Leeroy takes some time between sets to talk into our cameras…]
You know every thing. Every F’orc’n thing about being a Grunt, except how to do it.
You know all the F’orc’n details. You know every F’orc’n part of the car, but you can’t put that F’orc’n thing together. You don’t know how to put the shit together!
Your F’orc’n car in pieces!
You know every F’orc’n part. every F’orc’n muscle, every capillary, ever F’orc’n thing about every thing…except how to be a Grunt.
You’ve figured out every thing about F’orc’n macros, F’orc’n every scientific angle…you know…these F’orc’n troglodytes know it all. They’ve examined the F’orc’n thing in microscopic terms. breaking it down to microscopic terms for your F’orc’n ass…
BUT…they still as big as a F’orc’n scarecrow!!!
Explain that to me, I don’t understand.
You know everything F’orc’n thing…but you ass still looks F’orc’d up.
How did that happen?!
[Leeroy turns back to the bench where Testorclese is pumping out some reps]
Get it Testy. Show me that chesticular fortitude.
Got a bad case of bad F’orc’n syndrome.
Just a Bad F’orc’n orc.
Everybody knows how to wiggle their toes. Everybody knows how to wiggle their fingers. Before you can wiggle your fingers and toes your mind must tell them to wiggle. Your mind is in control of your F’orc’n physical actions.
Orcbert Einstein didn’t tell me that shit, I figured it out on my F’orc’n own.
[Testorclese racks the bar and sits up. Leeroy looks pitifully at the black orc]
“How many do I do?”
Are you the swolest F’orc’n orc on the planet yet? NOOO!
Well, if you not the swolest F’orc’n orc on the planet yet, you got some more reps to do son. Keep going!
[Testorclese lays back down, grabs the bar and starts lifting]
Don’t stop till you the biggest Grunt there is! Never be satisfied! It’s never enough!
“When am I done lifting?”
You’re never done F’orc’n lifting.
Rain down pain!! Rain down pain on these F’orc’n orcs.
Merciless, relentless, attack, assault…ABUSE those F’orc’n arms.
This ain’t for no weak heart, wet noodle, McMurty eating F’orc’n troglodyte, like you!!
“You insane Leeroy!”
“500 reps on the bench. That’s F’orc’n crazy!”
You F’orc’n right it’s crazy!
I don’t want to be like you F’orc’n troglodytes.
[Leeroy points to his biceps.]
Your mind tells them what to do. Now, if you can control your F’orc’n mind, you can control your F’orc’n muscles.
I’m in charge!
I’m going to wiggle my F’orc’n biceps, wiggle my F’orc’n triceps cause I TOLD them F’orc’n muscles to wiggle!
You set a limitation up here [Leeroy points to his head].
You have already set the limitation right here [Leeroy points to his bicep].
If up here told you that this right here can’t get no F’orc’n bigger, guess what troglodyte; it ain’t going to get no F’orc’n bigger.
But if your mind tells you that you can do any F’orc’n thing…then you can F’orc’n do it!
[Leeroy turns to the shoulder press, where Whaling is hard at work.]
Get these F’orc’n weights under F’orc’n control!
They think I have mental problems Jennings, cause I’m talking my shit! They think I’M crazy!
They the ones sitting on the F’orc’n couch…F’orc’n arms ain’t getting no bigger…and they F’orc’n…only thing working is their F’orc’n thumb on the F’orc’n remote.
But I’m a F’orc’n fool for talking to my biceps?!?
YOU the F’orc’n fool for NOT talking to yours!
I want to be ME! I don’t want to be YOU!
I don’t even want to be a copy of you. I don’t want to look nothing like your F’orc’n ass. I want to be ME! A unique Grunt! One of a F’orc’n kind!
[Leeroy steps back and looks in the mirror.]
I need a little more, right HERE, and some right HERE! I will cause that little more through hard F’orc’n work!
Explain that to me! If you the F’orc’n expert, you know everything about being a orc, how is it that your ass look F’orc’d up?
Explain that to me! You figured everything out, but you can’t figure out how to make yourself look better.
All you figured out how to do is talk shit.
[Leeroy points over at a black orc doing tricep extensions.]
Uncle Jesse came in here, worked out for F’orc’n three hours straight. Didn’t take a F’orc’n break, didn’t ask for no mercy, didn’t cry, didn’t shed no F’orc’n tears. Hardest orc in here, putting in the work, shutting the F’orc up and flexing his Grunt muscles!
I can’t say…hey, look…if YOU could do that, you can shut me the F’orc up.
But until you do that, how about you shut the F’orc up for a change.
[Leeroy heads back to the bench.]
Get it Testeeee!!!
Continue reading this series:
Lift’n with Leeroy – Again