It has been brought to our attention that an upstart Lizard team is trying to besmirch the reputation of the Wrecking Kru and our coach, Caven. We are here today to disprove the ludicrous claims that Caven sent a “Green Letter” to the Lizard team. The following are points of fact that show Caven and the Kru sent no such letter.
First, everyone knows that Lizards can’t read. Sending a letter to them would be like giving a toothbrush to a dwarf. It would be useless. Even if we sent only pictures, we don’t own crayons, so the Lizards still wouldn’t get the point.
Second, we care nothing about the East, nor why the Lizards supposedly betrayed the East. Orcs never get involved in directional politics. We only care about our team.
Third, we would never keep a skink prisoner. He would be eaten on the spot by our Black Orcs. They love the tender, yellow underbelly of the little slimy creatures. Quite the delicacy in our town.
Fourth, the female reporter is already ours. She services our blitzers once a week. She would like to do it more, but honestly, once a week is almost more than our blitzers can stand of her. She never shuts up.
Fifth, everyone knows that Orcs don’t use spoons. That is a human device. We would gouge his eyes out with our fingers, then feed them to him. Much more messy that way. Spoons are simply too clean.
As for the claim of hiding behind a tie against More_Shots, if you watch the replay, we waited for him to come to us, but he never did. Perhaps it was him hiding.
Which leads us into the Lizards threatening to concede a game. We would expect nothing less from a Lizard, so we don’t see a problem with it! The yellow skinks run away all the time, it is to be expected of them.
We sincerely hope that the League and fans of the Wrecking Kru see this effort put on by the TMNT for what it is; a charade and a ploy to discredit the Wrecking Kru. The all-mighty Orc God Grumpsh, may he live eternally, will punish the Lizards for their effrontery! We are ready to take this to the field!