More_Shots Week 7 Post-Game Press Conference
(More_Shots walks out to the podium)
More_Shots: Let’s make this quick. I’m exhausted from that game.
Reporter #3: You don’t seem like your normal blackout drunk. Is everything alright?
More_Shots: I’m far from sober. I am honoring my owners wishes to be under the influence during the game. But, sadly this week I was not able to get to my normal level of drunk. There are two reasons for that. First of which is that we played a very good Lizard team tonight and I knew that my players would need more of my guidance then normal. Second is that our new sideline beer stands came in this week and I was required to be available for photos after the game.
Reporter #5: Many fans are upset that your team installed sideline beer stands instead of astrogranite. Do you feel this may effect your fan rating?
More_Shots: Yes, I know our fan rating has taken a drop with the announcement of the Beer Stands. I’m sure the fans will find that the team made a wise choice. Starting next home game we will be selecting 12 season ticket holders to enjoy all you can drink beer and a sideline pass. These lucky fans will get to patrol the sidelines and attack any player that happened to either be pushed of the field or that attempts to run away.
Reporter #7: How do you think your team played tonight?
More_Shots: They played a solid game. But, we didn’t do enough to get the win. I’m proud of the effort this year. But, I fear that we may have let too many games end in ties this year. We Lizards stalled at the end of the game to get a tie. This is the same move that the Celebrity Lizards did to us in week 2. I as a coach need to find a way to direct my players better in the final turns of these games to get ball back and turn these ties into a win.
Reporter #11: Can you respond to rumors of you being linked to an underground skink hunting group?
More_Shots: No, I don’t know what you are talking about and even if I did I wouldn’t be able to comment. Hey, Thunden…9.6 to 8. Nice work chap!
Reporter #13: Coach Shots, what do you think about your chances to make playoffs?
More_Shots: What’s that? Ah — Playoffs? Don’t talk about — playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game! (More_Shots walks off muttering playoffs under his breath)