This post is part of the series The Big Bad Wight
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ONCE UPON A TIME, there was a Big, Bad Wight, who made it his business to toughen up a bunch of sappy, pillow-fighting necromantics named after rom coms.
With Atlach the Cadaverous, Garden State, and Hack Enslash gone, and 6 orc turns left, Hopeless Necromantics fans were starting to worry about whether they could hold on for the victory. Jealous Again kicked it deep into the enemy end zone, and the defense braced for the aerial orc assault. After all, the Mike “Dog Fighter” Vicce was still on the pitch, and he had a cannon for an arm.
And then things got…interesting. The Orc Boyz had lined up all of their players on the line of scrimmage, save for the Dog Fighter, who was only 4 meters off himself. When the ball was kicked off, he didn’t run back to get it, either. Instead, he cheered as Rusty Iron Jaw yelled “Not Rocky!” and knocked Rocky “Da Brik” Danger, who had returned to the match as a Romantic zombie, unconscious. Then the Dog Fighter ran over and delivered the final punch to the balls that left the zombie Prime Time with a groin strain, which kept him out for the rest of the match and probably the next. The refs were beside themselves. Did these players not learn? The whistle blew, and the Dog Fighter was ejected from the pitch, along with any realistic chance of Iron City scoring a touchdown that match.
Jelly smiled his scary smile and declared, “Welp, looks like the Orc Boyz don’t want to play anymore. They just wanna fight. Let’s embarrass them.”
With the exception of the 3 zombies on the line, the rest of the Romantics had lined up at least 12 meters off of the line of scrimmage, playing a prevent defense. Now they all surged forward, with most engaging the orc mob, and a small fire team breaking downfield toward the unguarded ball. The orcs, suddenly worried about that ball, split their forces, as well, sending a fire team back to defend it. Meanwhile, the midfield melee continued.
In short, the rest of the match was ugly. Mordar the zombie was sent off for fouling. The Romantics got to the ball first for an easy third touchdown. On the ensuing kickoff, the Orc Named “Sue” knocked Wyre the Lethal out, but then piled onto him, waking him back up on the field. Grubnash Bruis’Zeye kicked Roxanne the zombie so hard in her pelvic bone that she would probably miss the next game. Wyre was fouled unconscious. And both sides threw T16 fouls, with Iron City’s going against Da Brick, knocking him out, as well.
The press was abuzz with questions at the post-match conference. An excerpt follows:
Drumph Magazine reporter: Jealous Again, it was just announced that Ice Pick passed away on the way to the Iron City goblin medic tent. How do you feel about that?
Jelly: Isn’t “goblin medic tent” code for that local slaughterhouse where they put injured orcs out of their misery? Wait, I get credit for that kill, then, right?
Drumph reporter: Yes, erm, uh…I believe the “directly and proximately” causation clause should apply…
Jelly: My first Pro kill…excellent.
Just Score Magazine reporter: Coach Jest, it felt like the game got pretty dirty towards the end, including T16 fouls; some might say “not very MML-like.” Is there bad blood between you and Coach Jiggs?
Coach Serious Jest: Absolutely not. Jiggs is a standup coach, and I respect him. Our team respects the Orc Boyz. And, yeah, we all got some dirt under our fingernails, but that’s Blood Bowl. Sometimes you’re getting beat so badly, all you got left to do is whoop ass to try to save face. Fortunately, today we did all of the winning and most of the ass whooping…not that we didn’t take our lumps, too. We’ll be feeling those next week.
Just Score reporter: So, next time you play, it’s back to “gentlemanly tactics”?
Coach Jest: Ha! No. I respect and like Jiggs, but he started something here. They abandoned the ball with 6 turns left to gang foul my players. They fouled in the bottom of T16…against a player who was just their teammate earlier that half…he’s not happy about that, by the way. From here on out, absolutely no quarter. If there’s a neck left to step on next time, we will. And, frankly, these types of matches can be great for the MML. There’s another coach I have this type of relationship with. You’ll see next week…