Order of the Holy Squirrel – For the Love of the Game

Order of the Holy Squirrel

For the Love of the Game

Season 15 had come and gone in the MML , a great many matches had been fought, hero’s had risen from amongst the ranks of the sixty four teams to carve their own bloody destiny in the annals of the MML’s grand history .

All striving for the goal of becoming a legendary star player like many who call the MML home , Han Tavirus , Greased Up Deaf Guy , Lazy Smurf.

Then there had been a great many losses , players who gave their lives on the great alter of Nuffle to the celebration of the crowds . Loses like Sir Leopold Longstrider , captain of the Order of the Holy Squirrel.

The Squirrel’s opening match verses the Needham Hill Not Highs had started promising, until the Hireling Wizard coach Just Stevie had secured cast a Fireball from hell itself at the Bretonnians and blasted Sir Leopold to dust .

” Whoa !!! Break out the marshmallows Jim, we got ourselves a barbecue  ”

” Yes indeed we do Bob, but…….I prefer my humans more medium rare as to char grilled .”


” APOTHECARY !! MAN DOWN …..MAN DOWN !!!! ” cried Sir Andy Von Cook .

” rite away me lord ” came the call of the team apo , trotting across the pitch medical bag under arm .

” errrmmmmm……… he’s just is dust me lord ! ”  the apo staring down at the pile of ash which sat on the ground where Sir Leopold had stood but a moment before .

” WELL SORT HIM OUT THEN YOU STUPID CRETIN !!! ” Sir Andy screamed back .

Scratching his head with one hand the team apothecary idly rummaged the other through the blackened ash causing it to begin dancing in the air and getting caught in the back of his throat.

 Cough ….Cough ………….” He’s stone dead me lord ! ”

Not quite wanting to take his Apo’s word for it.  ” No he’s not , surly a knight of such strength and courage could not be laid low by a mere ball of fire !? Get him back on his feet or you’ll be cleaning to stadium toilets with your tongue for a whole season !  ”     


” Nah he’s passed………he’s no more…….. he has ceased to be………….he’s expired and gone to meet his maker………..this…. is… a late… player…….he’s all powdery……bereft of life…..he rests in pieces ……if bits of him weren’t  floating in the air he’d be pushing up the daisies……he’s run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible …..THIS…IS..A..EX…PLAYER..!!! ”


Thus another great hero of the Holy Squirrels remains were interned in a statue of their likeness along the Wall of Heroes outside the Andydome and the team apo was promoted to toilet licker.

Sir Leopold’s loss hit the team hard and they never fully recovered for the rest of the season , but through this tragedy Sir Andy rediscovered the simple joy of coaching the great game of Blood Bowl , not just in winning and crushing your opponents to a bloody paste but in common solidarity with his fellow coaches eating up every last bit of shenanigans that was to befall him all season .

Now sat in his office behind his great oaken desk in the Andydome, surrounded by the many objects in glass cases he’d collected over the many seasons from various teams, a Jersey from the Squirrel’s famed rivals All Wight on the Night, exceedingly violent beer gifted by the Bill COWher Power Hour,  suspiciously glowing cheese from Rodentia Ad Nauseam, Iron shod boots from the Needham Hill Not Highs , an apology letter from Olympus Risen after the Squirrels some what hilariously crushing defeat plus dozens more .

Sir Andy sat looking at the latest post piled on his desk. With it was the registration form for Season 16.

Written on the top was a note from the MML Commissioner Preach.


” Tenth times the charm ” Sir Andy smiled to himself.  A quick tapping at the door drew away his attention, in walked Pinky Sir Andy’s living breathing mishap of a servant .

” I’s broat yoo tee and srumpets me lord …narf ….” cackled Pinky in his usually over enthusiastic tone .

“Very good Pinky just set it down on the table my lad”

” Ivv ‘ad a plan for dis next season me lord ” Pinky remark whilst dumping the food tray like a comet on Sir Andy’s desk, spilling tea from the pot and scattering ” scrumpets” everywhere.

” Oh Really Pinky ? A cunning and subtle one? ” inquired the Squirrels coach raising an eyebrow .

” Yees me Lord …….narf….”

” As cunning as a gutter runner who’s just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Altdorf University ? ”  Sir Andy quizzed .

” Indeediedo me Lord ” Pinky winked leaning in close, his voice a giggled whisper .

” Win oll next seasons games me Lord ”   Pinky said, his face beaming with stupid pride .

” Well……” Sir Andy began , reclining back into his chair ” Well it’s a very cunning plan indeed Pinky. I’m SO glad you were here to shine your words of wisdom from up high, down upon a lowly worm such as myself  ”

” Oooooooo I does me best me Lord ” guarffing like an moron.

” But I, like many coaches of the MML don’t simply do this just to win Pinky………” Sir Andy pausing to gaze over his collection , thinking back to the great times he had shared with his fellow MML coaches.

” We do it for the love of the game “……..

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