The Spatanz! home opener came and went without a single injury or death on the field, much to the dismay of thousands of fans who came to Sparta stadium to see the orc lineup face the Rookie Mistakes Sunday night despite the sweltering heat. The game opened with the Spatanz! receiving the kickoff and retaining control of the ball throughout the first half of the game. The Rookie Mistakes left their defenses spread thin, which allowed for fowling opportunities against their star blitzer, IRS Audit. The Spatanz’ own blitzer, Gromar, closed out the first half with a delayed touchdown and the hometown crowd roared as their team edged ahead on the scoreboard.
The pressure was on as the Rookie Mistakes started the second half in a one-point deficit. Things were looking grim for the away team as their second-line blitzer, Missed Flight, failed to get his hands on the ball three times in a row. After several moments of brawling, the Rookie Mistakes were unable to press forward through the Spatanz’ tough lineup. However, Missed Flight managed to land a successful, if very risky, pass across to IRS Audit late in the second half. Spatanz! blitzer Gromar pried the ball loose from IRS Audit’s hands, but there was enough Rookie Mistakes traffic in the area for veteran blocker, Bad Tattoo, to recover the ball and score a touchdown with mere seconds remaining on the clock.
After the game, a Bloodweiser trailer near the parking deck was overturned by angry Spatanz fans who wanted to see more violence on the field during the game. The Rookie Mistakes fled their locker room in a hail of empty chalices and blood puffs from the crowd. Said one hometown fan, “I brought my boy to see some broken limbs! I don’t care if its a lineman or an assistant coach, somebody’s going to get hurt before we go home!” Players and staff for the Rookie Mistakes could not be reached for comment.