Giving his first official press conference after clinching a playoff berth Saturday, Coach Gooner was interrupted by a series of unforeseeable events that sent the assembled press corps fleeing hastily from the scene.
Sources say Coach Gooner began fielding questions around 9 p.m. before the incursion began.
Gareth Blackeld with The Daily Grail asked, “What do you think has been the catalyst for your undefeated season when coming off of a five loss record?”
Coach Gooner sank down in his chair, then dutifully replied, “In all honesty, and really this was my fault, for our first season, well, the players all refused to drink anything but fungus beer during the games. Obviously a hydration issue, intoxication factor aside. Also they’d lick these droppers filled with something called “Liquid Squig Drops” before every drive. Being new around orcs, I just thought that was their culture, ya know? So I let it go on for awhile. But I convinced the team that maybe water was alright every now and then, and that whatever was in those droppers did nothing for our ball control. The results speak for themselves. Next question.”
Udo’el-Qa with Krox News asked quite loudly to a puzzled room, “RO OO ASAVARERK DRLUAXXSA XZVESF AXZDS ACH RAC?”
“Uhm, we’re working hard on that every day. Next-”
It was at this point during the press conference that the disturbances began. Without warning, a decapitated head, reportedly belonging to Sad Split (former lineman for the Disco Divas), flew across the front of the stage. The thud against the floor near the reporters’ feet caused shrieks and gasps to ring out.
Bonecrusher, self-styled “Enforcer” of Stormreavers BC, then ran past Coach Gooner’s podium from behind stage.
“Oi! I need dat ‘ead!,” Bonecrusher shouted as he lunged towards the frightened reporters.
Rakmar, a massive Black Orc Blocker from the Stormreavers, then also emerged from behind stage and confronted Bonecrusher.
Rakmar pointed furiously at the desecrated trophy on the floor of the press room “That’s not your head to take, pup! Hand it over!”
Bonecrusher, picking up the elven head, “You thick squig sucker! We hafta get these to Count Ty-”
Coach Gooner then quickly interrupted the orc scuffle. “Eh, Let’s not discuss that right now, Bone. Get back to the locker room, both of you. Leave the former elf.”
“Right, boss,” the orcs replied before exiting.
At this point, what remained of the press corps retreated through the fire escape when a shadowy figure burst through the conference room doorway. Reports from here on differ, but most agree that a figure, levitating near the floor, made its way to the stage as a thick, noxious fog filled the room.
Nancy Pugh, of The Imperial Tribune, reported to have overheard the figure telling Coach Gooner, “…your benefactor is pleased with your progress,” before it left carrying away the High Elf player’s remains.
Strange times at Bloodwieser Arena. More from the Stormreavers camp to surely come.