Tactician’s Guide to Picking your Target
by Horthien “Tactician”
Welcome back, kiddies! Today I have a special treat for you. Today we are going to discuss the fine points of choosing the target of your Official Dignity Rock! So let’s get excited!!!
So you are up in the stands, enjoying the greatest match you have ever seen. You have a rock in your hand, but you just don’t know what player to throw it at. Am I right? So what do you do? You throw the rock at the nearest opposing player. Take that! The crowd cheers you on. Your favorite team cheers you on. You become the hero!
But did you know that you can pick a target that means more than just your average dirty wood elf?
So what do you look for when analyzing a team to find your perfect target? You want the meanest, most dangerous, most heavily armored player on their team. Like that piling on, mighty blow, tackle orc from the New Orcland Grunts! (Pic of Grazog) Booo! We want that guy out of there!
You see, your Official Dignity Rock bypasses his high armor value completely, so you can score an important injury on an opponent’s key player. Wow! Now you’re playing with Dignity!
But what happens when you are trying to help your favorite team against the Undead? That’s the real question. Most of their players regenerate damage! That’s insane. There are no bigger cheaters in the league right now than Undead coaches. Sure, some of the undead players are super great at passing the ball, and we all love that. The Foreman’s fantastic arm truly makes a game worth watching. But he also has the ability to regenerate himself if he takes injury, and that shouldn’t be allowed in the MML!
Not even The Board can’t stop them. The evil necromancers are just too powerful, so they push their way out on to the Blood Bowl fields and cheat in every single game they play.
But do you know who is even more powerful than the MML Coach’s Board?
That’s right, kiddies! You are! The fans of the MML. And the best way to let those evil necromancers know you hate them is with an Official Dignity Rock. When they see that rock headed for their star players they’ll know that you stand for Justice, and that the MML is not the place for them!
But aren’t the undead going to instantly recover from the rock’s injury?
Yes, I’m afraid they will. That is, unless you target their ghouls! The ghouls on an undead team are their most prized possessions, and guess what! They’re human! That’s right, human. They may not look like it. They may not act like it. But those disgusting creatures are actually living humans who eat rotting dead people. That’s disgusting! And they deserve an Official Dignity Rock thrown right at their head. POW!
And do you know what their necromancer does when a team’s ghoul is sanctified with your Dignity Rock? Nothing! That’s right. He can’t do anything about it. No doctor would ever work for their team, so there is no way to save a ghoul. He’s dead! Dead! And its all thanks to you, the fans.
Make sure to get your Official Dignity Rocks now, only $4.99, and show Evil that you’re serious!
What’s that? Don’t think you are strong enough or accurate enough to stone a ghoul right in his stupid face? Then come to Grandiose Majesty this week, where Dignity’s star Thrower, Royalty, is giving free lessons on rock throwing!
Together, we can chase those evil necromancer’s right out of the MML! Yay!
Take that, Evil!
Just remember, kids. No matter what you do, when you play with Dignity, you win.