The Death of Dot Cotton

  1. The story of the Walford Timetravellers

Following their unfortunate trip through a wormhole to the blood bowl universe, the BBC staff writers are still puzzling over how to explain why the cast of the 1994 Eastenders soap opera are currently playing in the MML challenge league.

One senior writer suggests, ‘what if Dougie Briggs ate some wild mushrooms and got it into his head that one of the other teams is really the cast of coronation street?’. The team decided that sounded plausible, and agreed to weave into a future episode through a series of gritty flashbacks.

Somewhat surprisingly, the Walford team pulled of an upset in their debut match. Largely due to recruiting an actual blood bowl star, Ripper. Alongside Sharon, who wielded her chainsaw through opposing players both standing and prone, enough damage was inflicted to sneak Peggy Mitchell through to the end zone for the winning touchdown.

Following the game, Dougie Briggs, who had been injured, was missing. The team were fairly convinced one of the Mitchell Brothers has eaten him, but on asking them about it, they replied, “Pat Cash Badger Pony”.

Dot Cotton, had seemingly had the last of her strength sapped from her during the game, as might be expecting for a pensioner best known for chain smoking. The team found her the next morning, her rotting corpse somewhat resembling an impressionist’s painting of Michael Barrymore’s career.

Afterwards the cast were discussing the previous game. Ian Beale was furious he had not been awarded MVP as he was the star. The team were trying to work out why Barry Evans had been given the MVP for doing literally nothing, even Doreen had at least been removed from the pitch. Beale decided the only sensible explanation is that the MVP is awarded arbitrarily, otherwise he surely would have got it.

Maxine tries to interrupt proceedings to talk about how to get back home, but everyone is more interested in the next game, against Da Yate Yobs

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