The Georgia Goons: Start of the season

This post is part of the series Georgia Goons

Other posts in this series:

  1. The Georgia Goons: Start of the season (Current)
  2. Peering over the Edge…Cliff Notes Version
  3. Georgia Goons: End of First Season – Playoff Bound

The Goons finished their month of practice by crushing as many opponents as they could in a farm league. Several stars started to emerge over that time under the strict training of Coach Celt. Celt did his best with the large black orcs but found he was getting faster progression out his blitzers and throwers. The dark skinned orcs were the last ones to buy into Celts role as a coach and had a general distrust of any human running things. Celt was fine with that and hoped with time to win these big brutes over.  After the month ended they submitted to join the Mead and Mayhem League and snagged a spot in the West Division of their Challenge League. After their short time in the farm league they were certain they would dominate, but would soon find out that was easier said than done.

Celt walked in front of his team before their first opening match. He saw 12 tough brutes before him ready to make names for themselves. MosGhost stood at the front of the line and had developed into more of a defensive presence over their time spent in the farm. He found his love to smashing gits first and scoring second fit his style so he left the majority of the ball handling to the other thrower Ozorc. Near the front of the line standing slightly taller and brawnier was Subdoo the goons current star blitzer. He was surprisingly quiet for an Orc but hit the pitch each time with a fury that would surely make his name known to the masses. Celt stood back again and stared at his crew before they went over the game plan for their first opponent.

The first opponent the Goons would face was a High Elf team that had a storied history in the Pro circuit but was now back in the Challenge League. The Princes of Arioch did not carry a full roster but the members they had were talented and capable. Granted Celt was not going to tell this to his team unless he wanted to be savagely beaten and stripped of his title so he began “Goon’s our first match is going to be an easy first test! We have several elves for you to punch and a few have already been tenderized by other teams. So just go out there and punch, kick and headbutt your way to victory! A bonus salary and a keg of mead will go to any orc that can ‘permanently’ injure the teams star catcher Rackhir. Now get out there and show em what you got!”

The Goons lined up and decided to defend. They were comfortable letting their heavy armor do the talking and wanted to goad the elves into an early scoring drive. The entire team wanted to get that bonus and took every chance they could hitting and blocking the Princes star catcher but to no avail. The line orcs even got into the action stomping the long eared git when we laid on the ground for too long but his flimsy armor just would not break. At the half the team was behind and things were looking good but a victory would be hard for the slow moving Goons to achieve. They started the half trying to injure as many elves as they could to get an easy score but their armor continued to mostly hold. MosGhost reluctantly picked up the ball and drove down a sideline to try for a late half score. He decided to stall a bit and taunt the depleted elves and in the end the Goons settled for tying up the score. The elves had one last effort to go for the win, but the Goons managed to keep the game tied and finished their first official league match. They walked towards the sidelines hurling taunts and curses to the elves but were mostly ignored. A dark and angry mood hung over the locker room, equipment was thrown and growls permeated the air. Celt walked in and addressed his team “So did you think it was going to be easy? Did you think you all would go strolling into the Hall of Fame without a fight? This is blood bowl guys and if we want to win we are going to have to bring more than just blocking and bashing to the table.” The Orcs all looked at Celt with little enthusiasm until finally MosGhost spoke up. “You can grumble and pout like a bunched up group of women and children or we can git to work and get betta. We came frum a place where our clan was stabbed in corners and their throats were cut in their sleep and you are upset about a tie! Get some sleep and smell the freedom you now have… and then be ready for da training tomorrow, we meet at dawn.” The Orcs started to file out of the locker room and Celt ask MosGhost the hang back. They went into the late hours planning on how to turn this into a real team.

The next days training was brutal. They worked long and hard into the day under the grueling Georgia sun. Celt had them running routes, blocking, smashing through walls, lifting weights and even trying to do agility drills (it was comical and soon soured the orcs mood). The team gathered near the bleachers and Celt addressed the crew. “We are starting to show some progress and if we want to see more we will need to continue to work on and off the field. Today one of you went above and beyond and even showed up his larger teammates in the process! Tacklore would you step forward please”. The blitzer walked forward and gave a sly grin to his fellow Goons. He was a full head taller and carried at least another four stone extra weight over his fellow blitzers. Celt clapped him and the back and said “Great work Tacklore you don’t have to do any wind sprints or cleanup duty today!” the rest of the group grumbled but headed back out to the fields while Tacklore just flexed his muscles and kept on grinning.   

The next few training days flew by and before they knew it they were back in the locker rooms preparing to face their next opponents The Amazonian team Run It. Celt gathered before the team “The plan today is simple fellas. We are going to let them come to us today. We are going to play deep and invite these lovely ladies into our waiting arms and then we are going to kill them! I want you lot to trip them, cage them up and force them towards the sidelines. If they want to dodge….make them do it into the crowd! Now get out there and show no mercy.” Celt watched his guys charged the field and was excited to see the mayhem to come.

The Orcs continued their tradition of wanting to be on defense first. They covered both sidelines and tried to force the Zons into the middle of the field. Their opponents moved the ball well and even got a few players deep to set up for an early touchdown attempt. That is when the Goons went into action, marking their enemies best players and tackling as many ladies as they could. At the beginning of the match Celt was concerned his team might hold back on the brutality since they were playing an all female team. But his boys did not seem to hold any reservations to injuring, fouling and even killing the enemy team. Celt had to remind himself that even though he came from the frozen north and was at least aware of things like manners and diplomacy (he had at least heard the term chivalry mind you) his team had probably not. Celt was roused from his daydreaming and saw the stout black orc Bad Break grab an amazon by the ankle. He then proceed to start using the woman as a human pinata and smash her repeatedly against the ground to find whatever treasures she might be hiding from him. By the time Bad Break was done there was little left other than bones, blood and armor laying on the pitch. Celt gave the opposing coach a shrug in apology and he was returned a kindly one finger salute. The rest of the match proceeded in a bloody fashion and ended with the Goons winning two to nil.  

The Goons roared and cheered their victory as MosGhost and Celt just stared at the destroyed and bloody field. “Gud match” was all MosGhost would say and Celt had to admit he agreed. It was a victory and he was happy to celebrate it, but he knew they could be on the other side of this coin someday. He needed to do as much as he could to keep that day from coming anytime soon.

Celt had the team prepare for their next match in an unusual manner. He knew the coach of The Wet Bandits was a skilled skaven technician and it would take a lot to slow down the scoring of his speedy team. In preparation Celt hired a few full sized skaven lab rats for some “training”. The Goons lined up the next day and saw the three feeble skaven sitting in their cages. Celt announced there would be three tests the Orcs would have to complete and if they wanted to end practice early. The team started cracking knuckles and grinning with excitement of an early trip to the local pub. Celt announced “The first drill is a simple one…catch the rat! Everyone on the team must lay hands on him before this drill is over.” Celt unlocked the cage and the skaven looked around nervously refusing to exit the limited safety he was currently in. Celt then promptly booted the cage and the ratman came tumbling out. The tiny skaven dodged and weaved trying to get clear until Subdoo tripped him and clunked him on the skull. The ratman spun around in a slow circle and tumbled to the grass. A giant black orc came over and punched him once in the body and the tiny ratman was smeared all over the green grass. The rest of the team casually walked up and stepped or slapped the exploded corpse and looked at their coach. “Fine! Leave it to you lot to find a way to cheat my game for an early first victory. The next challenge will be just that…more of a challenge.”

With that Celt lifted the second cage and walked twenty yards away from the group. Celt whispered into the cage and walked to get a nearby bucket. He then dumped a clear oil all over the shivering rat. He then instructed MosGhost to tie each team members hands behind their backs. Celt knew there was no way on Nuffles green earth that the black orcs would let Celt do this to them, so he just sat back and waited patiently. When everyone was secure he announced “This time you will have ten minutes to trip or stomp this rat or he will earn his freedom.” With that Celt unlocked the cage and watched the skaven skurry as fast as he could towards a exit. MosGhost cut him off and pointed back towards the rest of the team “Time starts ven you go through dem”. The ratman turned around and started weaving and dodging through the team. They kicked and stomped but the ratman was just too quick and slippery. Several of the team tripped over each other with their eagerness to pummel the tiny rat and ended up in a pile trying to slowly stand backup without the use of their hands. Celt yelled “Five minutes left guys, try working as a team for once!” With this the blitzers Subdoo and Tacklore started picking up their larger teammates and formed a quick plan. Slowly the black orcs started to swarm in on each side of the rat, then they all in unison started jumping and making the pitch tremble and shake with their large stomps and leaps. Just when the ratman started to lose his balance Tacklore leaped over his teammates and belly flopped onto the rats body. MosGhost removed their restraints and they all looked again at their coach again. “Well at this pace this will be the the shortest practice ever” Celt remarked.


For the final test Celt walked towards the locker rooms and started the pull on a long thick metal chain. A chittering roar came from inside the locker room and MosGhost came over to lend a hand. After a few minutes Celt and MosGhost had dragged a large grey furred Rat Ogre onto the pitch. “For this last challenge you will need to go through this beast to get to the final rat. You will have one chance each and you will be in teams of three.” Celt watched his guys form up and start to approach the hulking beast before them. Celt released the final cage and the ratman dashed quickly behind his hulking teammate. Celt watched as two black orcs and lineman approached the beast. At the last second the larger orcs pushed the lineman into the beast as they tried to skirt around him to get to the tiny rat. The Rat Ogre grabbed and clawed the line orc in a fury and threw his broken body to the ground. Then he raged and leaped on the black orcs backs and pummeled them to the pitch. Celt and MosGhost pulled on the chain and backed the beast away to recover their teammates. The next few matchups went in a similar fashion until Subdoo, Tacklore and the giant Bad Break approached the line. Bad Break charged head on and threw his shoulder into the beast midsection while Tacklore used his great strength to force the beast to its knees. Seeing that his team was winning against the brute by guarding each other Subdoo quietly slipped by and tackled the ratman. This brought an end to the practice and Celt was even pleased enough to release the final ratman and watch him slink out into the tall dark grasses on sidelines of the field. The Rat Ogre was of course another matter and was turned back over to the research facility he had borrowed him from for more experimentation.

On a calm and sunny Georgia morning the Goons finally met the up with their skaven opponents. The Goons did their usual defenses and tried to drive the rats into an early score before the first half. Stopping the skaven proved to be an almost impossible task so they continued to smash and pummel their way to a player advantage and tied the game at the half. The second half went entirely the Goons way as they continued to slowly plod down the field inflicting injuries and removing skaven from the pitch with each turn. They finished the match winning in a two to one grind and felt they were finally hitting their stride in this division. Little did they know that the skaven were not the only slippery opponent they would face this season.



Continue reading this series:

Start a Conversation