The Lustrian Chronicle Interview: Josiah Frost, Head coach of the Slaan Seers
Principle Sports Correspondent: Emilio Ciano
“You think you’re wow! You think you’re whizz! Well, just remember who’s planet this is!” Unusual words spoken by Frost, part way through my interview, but clearly words that mean something to him. I was reassured that the words did not refer to Frost believing he was an actual pre-owner of the known world, but more these words were relevant to the origins of the Slaan Seers. Back in earlier MML seasons no one would have heard of Josiah Frost, or indeed the Slaan Seers. Recent successes in the MML pro leagues and coverage in other news outlets is what led me to his office. The Lustrian Chronicle had also recently been able to obtain reliable information given to them by a reputable Necromantic source that had been experimenting on the lifeless corpse of a skink which Frost had renamed as ‘The Overseer.’ Whilst they had considered this specimen unworthy, (and probably incapable,) of being a zombie, they had uncovered some interesting insights into Josiah Frost and something referred to, by him, as his plan. In light of this I had a number of questions I wanted to put to Frost and can only say I was a little surprised at some of the responses.
The ‘office’ was a dark and dingy place, smelling of what I believe to be cigar smoke. Frost, (as he continually bid me to call him, insisting that he was only ‘JoFro’ to his friends,) would only speak to me through the medium of a cabalvision crystal ball video link and wanted to keep his actual image obscured by the image of a large eye.
“It has been a good season so far, better than we could have expected,” was how he began. It seemed as if he had rehearsed this comment and that he had maybe not considered any signnificant follow up. “Can we get this over with soon? I noticed that Necromantic teams might be on their way pretty soon and I want to look over potential starting rosters, so I know what we could be facing next season, should we make it there in one piece. I am also contemplating coaching one in the Farm. But, yes, please forgive me. I am not used to giving interviews as you can maybe tell?” I offered reassurances that I would be as swift as I could.
Places unknown is where Frost hails from. Some say the Lustrian jungle, and that he is really one of the ancient Slann, other reports indicate he might hail from somewhere known as ‘Deepest Darkest Yorkshire,’ or a ‘North East Fife.’ In any event he would not tell me and when pressed on the matter simply answered, “I don’t think that is relevant to discussing the Seers, is it?” I had to agree and so moved on. I wanted to cover season expectations and thoughts on future opponents.
“Well we have Coach Stunty this week and his Blitzkreigers. I like Coach Stunty and absolutely love Gaesmal.” Frost actually chuckled out loud as he said the name. “But we will try not to let personal feelings get in the way. I actually think that will be the ‘make or break’ match for us this season and will decide whether or not the Seers are fit to reach the play offs. I certainly won’t be underestimating the very agile opponents that we face and realise that we could easily find ourselves in trouble. Whilst I was once asked to be the president of Gaesmal’s fan club I certainly don’t like the look of his gyspy cousin and have already instructed my skinks to not get near him, unless it is en-masse and to take him down.” Frost wouldn’t be pressed on thoughts about the Green Tide Titans, who they will be facing the week after. His only reasponse being, “Suboptimal. Definately suboptimal; especially following on from Dwarves and chaos everywhere!” I did note he chuckled a little, however, as he spoke the word, ‘suboptimal.’ I am unclear why, but the Lustrian Chronicle is aware that this appears to be a favourite phrase of Coach Thunden, of the Green Tide Titans. I pressed him about his recent game against Coach : More_Shots and the last moment foul of that game. I was answered with an emphatic, “No comment!”
I moved on but outrage was all I got from Frost, when I noted that we had recently been able to get some information from a dead skink that had been part of the Seers team and believed itself to be an integral part of Frost’s plan. To say the little fellow was salty that he had been replaced was an understatement. Coughing and sputtering followed by cursing was what emanated from the Cabalvision crytal ball followed by some further shouting and cursing before Frost finally stated, “Ok. I’ll play ball. I guess that is what the MML is all about, right? Well, I know some teams do occasionally forget about the ball and want to go skink hunting, but yes, fair enough; go on.”
Our sources revealed that they had become interested in the skink because it had indicated some use of magic in luring the members of the Seers team from the Lustrian jungle and into the MML. The skink had also revealed that Frost, or his agents, had systematically used some form of magical control and cohersion over the lizardmen and that this had clearly broken, on the skink, in it’s death. It had however retained some information relating to something Frost continually referred to as ‘The Plan.’ This plan involved something about Frost being able to ‘Relive his youth’….. And of all things, Astrogranite!
And there it was, “You think you’re wow! You think you’re wizz! Well just remember whose planet this is!” I was unsure what to say as he spoke these words. “That is my answer to your questions.” I asked Frost if these words referred to himself, as they seemed quite arrogant if so, and his reply was, “Of course not. But it is an answer, right?” Not a clear one, quite obviously. “No. Not clear at all. How about I help a little? Slaan Seers, right? Our motto is, ‘We see all.’ I wished it could be, the words I just spoke to you. Have you ever spoken to a Slann?” I had to admit that I had not. “No, me neither. I wished I had. I wished that the Seers, were indeed, Slann. But they are not! They are Lizardmen! I like Lizardmen, don’t get me wrong, but I wanted them to be Slann! I am not saying, ‘The Plan’ is to turn them into Slann, as much as I would like to, but that is a big part of it nontheless. If you find the origins of those words, you would be one step closer to understanding ‘The plan.’ Where those words originate from, there were no Lizardmen, as much as they would like you to believe otherwise. At least if there were Lizardmen, the Lizardmen were only Slann.” A deep, almost satisfied sigh, came from the cabalvision crytal ball. “And… there was only atrogranite. I hate playing on grass! I loved astrogranite!”
So is ‘The plan’ Josiah Frost’s own personal vanity project? In his own words, “Most assuredly, yes. Don’t get me wrong though. I have actually started to become very fond of my Seers. I couldn’t bring myself to call them the Slann Seers, which is why they are the ‘Slaan Seers.’ They have actually outstripped all my expectations so far, though. I fully expected to be languishing at the bottom of our playpool. Anything from here on in is a massive bonus. In my mind they have almost deserved to be Slann…. Almost.”
I couldn’t press Frost any further. He refused to answer anything else, saying something about, “Well, the latest update has downloaded now, so you can be on your way. Feel free to schedule another appointment should you wish to talk further.”
At the time of reporting the Slaan Seers currently stand on 3 wins, 1 tie and no losses. They are due to play the Blitzkreigers and then the Green Tide Titans.