This post is part of the series Slaan Seers Stories
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“I want astrogranite on this pitch, please,” said the Frost-voice emanating from the Crystal clear Cabalvision crystal ball in the centre of the Slaan Seers ground; the All Seeing Eye. The Slaan Seers team had congregated once more to hear their coach speak, following on from their failure to beat the USA Ballstars in the Challenge League playoffs. Frost always spoke to them in this unusual fashion, taking the form of an eye in the ball, and it was traditional to put the crystal ball in the coaching box, during matches.
Eye of Thundera Ho, shuddered at the very prospect. “I can see you quake with fear little Eye of Thundera Ho,” said Frost’s voice from the ball, again, “But don’t worry it will be alright, and ‘yes’ the ‘Ho’ remains a vitally important part of your name, in accordance with the plan.” Frost always, always spoke about the plan, and the Seers continued to agree with it. It had generally worked so far, although a number were distinctly crestfallen by the most recent loss. Not least of these was the recumbent form of Uldaxl, the nippy skink who had taken a severe beatdown at the hands of the USA ballstars. He was laid on his front as his back would not bear it, from a previous injury. His knee was now also now smashed to pieces. Eye of Thundera Ho began to chirrup and chirp in protest, pointing to Uldaxl’s plight, complaining that with astrogranite that there would be even more smashed knees and other injuries amongst the Seers.
“Oh do cheer up and be more positive,” said the voice from the crystal ball. “Astrogranite will help with the plan immeasurably. Maybe we shouldn’t instal it immediately as there are a few more things we need to do first!” The voice sounded quite happy and upbeat, which was actually a little disconcerting for the Seers who were used to Frost berating them and generally being abusive.
Eye of Thundera Ho, (remembering the ho remained a singularly important part of his name,) somewhat bouyed by this more cheerful Frost actually had the temerity to chitter a question, enquiring further about what the plan actually entailed.
“Of course Thundera Ho,” replied Frost, (the fact he had become even more informal was not lost on the Seers,) “The next stage of the plan involves getting more differently named Lizardmen in the team. That should be quite glaringly obvious, right? In fact I have a list here…. Let me see, ah yes… Eye of Harmony, Eye of the Storm, Eye of Horus and, erm, More than Meets the Eye!”
Eye of Thundera Ho, flicked his tongue out nervously a couple of times, only tasting the air, before chittering out a further question equating to, “Is the plan then just to name all the players with names involving the word ‘eye’?”
The Frost-Voice chuckled, a deep belly laugh. “Oh no my Seers! Not at all! I mean, that is part of the plan, but only a very, very small part of the plan. The plan has much more to it than that. Have you already forgotten my request for astrogranite?”
Eye of Thundera Ho, kind of wished he had forgotten, but shook his head, in acquiesence to Frost, before the voice questioned, “So Seers, what is the team motto?”
“We see all…,” was the garbled reply from the assembled players, trying to utter it as best they could.
“Exactly,” said Frost before continuing further, “Specifically, I see all. Well, maybe not all, but certainly more than you. We won’t tell anyone else, by the way, that we don’t quite see all, it won’t help with our reputation, not that we really have one, but I digress….. I do, however, have a far reaching vision beyond your rather, forgive me for saying, simple minds. It is a vision that transcends relative dimensions in space and even time itself. Do you know, for instance, that in the early 1980’s you wouldn’t even exist?”
The Seers looked stunned and a little confused by this. In honesty not one of them really understood at all what Frost was going on about, especially not the concept of a ‘1980’s’ whatever that was.
Eye of Thundera, continuing to be emboldened by Frost not speaking to them in a derogatory manner, did however manage to question if Frost was speaking about the cabalvision show, ‘Dr Flu’ which Jim continues to talk about during blood bowl coverage.
“Something like that,” chuckled Frost. “Something like that. But that is, again, far from the full story. Just trust me my friends. Trust me.”
Another skink voice chittered from the sidelines before the originator of the voice rushed forward with a parchment. The Overseer MK II placed himself squarely in front of the crystal ball and held the parchment for the eye to see, chittering about the words being from KonamiCode, head coach of the USA BallStars. The words were seemingly celebrating his victory over the Seers.
Frost read the words, “The USA ballstars? More likethe Tuddy Town All Stars! We will impose our will and take that pig skin by FORCE and once we have that thing, we’re goon freight train it STRIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE, like a non-stop midnight express STRAIGHT to Tuddy Town! And there ain’t a DAMN THING anyone can do about it. You see, the USA Ballstars are a force of nature, much like gravity. They are undeniable and they will bring fools down HAAAaard. And once they go down, THEY STAY DOWN, THEY STAY DOWN.”
Frost chuckled, “Very nice. Quite entertaining really.” The eye looked over at the injured Uldaxl, “They certainly did for him and he isn’t getting up, at least for another match.”
Frost read on, “THEY STAY DOWN. So you better say your prayers and take your vitamins. Cross your fingers, and I’m looking at your pencil neck reznor when I say this, HOPE you don’t have to go up against the most PROLIFIC BLOODBOWL TEAM IN MML HISTORY.” Frost laughed again. “Lovely trash talking Konami has going on there, hasn’t he!?”
The Seers looked shocked. Eye of Thundera Ho, chittered more, questioning why Frost didn’t seem concerned. “Oh, don’t get me wrong Thundera Ho, I am very sad for you.” The Seers were shocked at this. Never once had Frost expressed concern for their welfare. Many was the time he had even done the unthinkable and ordered the skinks to almost certain death. “Konami was a great opponent. Truly marvellous. I would have loved for you to have made it further in the playoffs, perhaps even win the Challenge Championship. It is a prize I deeply covet. Next season I hope you will do better. But remember Seers…. We must never lose sight of the plan. The plan is the most important task for this team.” He paused, “But, yes, I would like some gold. Who wouldn’t? In any event, next season Seers you are going into the pro leagues. Remember. Just remember, you must be made of astrogranite!”
The Seers looked at each other, confused. A few even considered if Frost was being literal. Being encased in astrogranite didn’t sound at all appealing. Even less appealing that falling on it in fact…..
Continue reading this series:
The Lustrian Chronicle Interview: Josiah Frost