Titans coach breaks silence… and hospital fee records!

 

A beleaguered Thunden von Strutten today faced the media for the first time this season after the Titans had only racked up 1 point in 2 games. Usually no stranger to the published word the Titans coach has been noticeably reticent since the play off defeat at the hands of the Frozen Thrones. He had this to say…

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“I’m quite aware that the Titans receive a lot of praise from my dear colleagues in the league. However I’m starting to think this is a conspiracy. This all began with that bloody training camp invite from those stunty swine in Merthyr. Come over they say. We’ll give you dorf smashing practice they say. Come the play off and the Thrones play completely off script. I call Dorf shenanigans!!!!

It’s no surprise to me or the board that since that training camp da boys have been feeling unwell. This is the most blatant doping of a team I can recall in MML history. Merthyr Shock n Ore symptomatically poisoned the grog they so generously provided. Next time we’ll know better than to partake in any dwarven pale ale generosity!

I’ll tell you right now, I’m not taking anything away from Crow or Doneagle but by Mork and Ork we are going to visit terrible vengeance on those dwarf scum from Merthyr!!!!

Not only that, but it turns out a nefarious bunch of dwarven interlopers stole the big lads armour before the game with the Leaping Lizards. The sheer amount of gold we’re having to pay in hospital bills now… well the fans are going to have to wait for the Orc2 upgrade is all I can say. Poor old Snapper has snapped… we’re not sure if he’s going to make it back. Big Mo is in for running repairs. Thank Bahgtru that Gorbag made it through!!!! Although we keep on seeing some dodgy geezer almost stalking him… every time he takes a rest or sits to eat there’s a shout of “Now!!! Now!!! Foul Gorbag now!!!!!”. We’ll be putting a reward up for info on this maggot in the near future.”

When asked about the games and what the Titan horde should expect from this season after reaching the play offs last season, the coach responded by saying that he’d been taken by surprise with Hissstory of Violence and pointed to the much improved tactical performance against Leaping Lizards. When challenged about the number of injuries sustained Thunden pointed out that with 4 players on the pitch they managed to salvage a draw from the situation against a very strong Lizardman team.

As for the season ahead, “This season will be a building block for the Titans, we’re going to have to make some hard choices on personnel and we’re looking to actively recruit from Orc teams in the farm at the end of the season. The goal of this season is to develop in the right direction and make sure we’re agile enough to cope with these ambitious coaches coming into the league.  That being said, I’m gonna have a cup of PG Tips, draft up the plan for smashing the crud out of some dark elves and then return to pondering the demise of Shakytumbleweed and his accomplice, Joker… and yes dammit I know Shots was involved in this somewhere too… he’ll get his!!!!”

Conspiracy, accusations, rumours of euthanasia on injured players… is the Titans ship foundering under the paranoia of its coach?

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