Hello again, this is Harry Gobbo for OSPN, and here with another installment of “This Week with Wrecking Kru”. Fans here at the Assembly Line, home of the undead side Mummy Factory, are in a more-than-usual sombre mood, as their team has just fallen to the Wrecking Kru by a score of 2-1. The Kru managed to take a 2-0 halftime lead, and almost had a third touchdown in the closing minutes, but were denied by some good undead defense. The win moves the Kru to 2-0 on the season, and heading in the right direction for a playoff spot. Here with us now is Coach Caven on his team’s performance tonight.
Coach, congratulations on the victory. How do you assess the team after this, their second game?
“Harry, we were very pleased with the result, very pleased with the brutal nature of our hits, and impressed with our resiliency when taking hits. Again, we thank the great Orc god Grumpsh, and Nuffle, for being with us in this game. From the very beginning, things went our way. Their fans decided to throw a rock at our players, but our Shaman, Morclin, redirected the throw, hitting their already injured Wight and putting him out of the game. From that point on, we were not to be denied. After the first two turns of the game, we had stunned three of their players and killed the ghoul Flippy, and added to the Wight injury, put them in the unenviable position of playing with fewer men. Or skeletons. Whatever they are. All-in-all, a good win for us.”
Coach, you mentioned Morclin, the team Shaman. He seems to do good work, indicating that he is not one of the League’s assigned Apothecaries?
“Oh, definitely not! We won’t take anything from the League! As you know, the League doesn’t like the Kru, or me, so to bring on one of their apothecaries would be disaster for us. No, Morclin comes from the Orcland village of Orcalot, where he trained from a small lad to become a great Shaman. You can see from his work tonight, he is good. You see, we knew going in that undead meant they had already died once. How do you kill something that is already dead? Well, Morclin knows! He blessed all of our armor and gauntlets before the match, and Grumpsh was willing to answer Morclin’s prayers. In fact, their ghoul, Flippy, was the first hit for blitzer Morguth, and the result was instant death for Flippy. The incantation protected us, but as the game wore on, the protection became less, and Varag suffered a horrible injury at the hands of one of their mummies. When I went on to the pitch, I noticed Varag’s hip had been shattered. Bone sticking out, blood everywhere. A potential career ending injury. Morclin calmly came out, informed me he could cure it completely, but would be unavailable for the rest of the match in order to do so. Well, I want all the lads to know that they matter, so I took the chance, and had Varag healed. Thankfully, the blessed armor held for the rest of the game, and we go into next week’s grudge match completely healthy.”
Coach, some of the players indicated that the Mummy Factory was talking a lot of trash before the game. Can you elaborate?
“Certainly, Harry. During warm-ups, it seemed that their intent was to get the lads, in particular the “Four Horsemen”, as we call our blitzers, out of their game by talking them up. Many threats of death, plague, removal of genitals…the normal stuff. However, it was Flippy that made the fatal error with his mouth. He threatened Gutrad, telling our star that “we are going to kill you, claim your broken body, turn you into a zombie and dress you in the uniform of Dignity and use you as a tackling dummy!” As you can imagine, Gutrad wanted to kill him right then and there, but Morguth maintained his composure, and said to Gutrad, “don’t worry, brother. I will take care of him during the match. He will not touch you.” Then, Morguth went and had a special blessing by Morclin. After that first few minutes, the Factory decided to be quiet and focus on staying “alive”. We killed Edmund Mortis, the skeleton, later in the game, but their regeneration properties are amazing. He will see the pitch again, sadly.”
There have been many attempts to injure or kill Gutrad. Can you tell the fans why this is?
“Well, Harry, it is not secret that Gutrad has a huge target on his back. He is one of the premier players in the MML. He has superior strength, agility, and knows how to hit…hard! He is the team leader in star player points, and shows no signs of slowing in his third year. In fact, many Orc Shamans believe he is only coming into his prime! Gutrad is a special player. He understands his role on the team, is a great leader, and is always willing to go the extra mile to help his brothers. He has been taken down many times already this season, and has not suffered a major injury, which is a testament to his toughness. He has requested to be treated like all the other Kru players, and not be protected. We honor his wishes, and in return, we get to see brilliant blood bowl!”
We see that next week, the Kru faces New Orcland Grunts, the Orc side headed up by League Commissioner Preach. Any thoughts?
“Harry, we will keep our game plan to ourselves this week. This promises to be an epic, hard-hitting affair. The Grunts have a troll, and some good players, and they are well coached. However, they do not follow Grumpsh, which makes them heretics in the Orc community. There could be religious implications during this one, so everyone should tune to observe. As one Orc Shaman said, “There will be blood.” We can only hope it belongs to the Grunts. You see, not only are we going for the win, but we also want the #killboxwin that the Grunts are so fond of claiming.”
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! A great recap of tonight’s game, and a tantalizing morsel for next week’s game! Tune in again to OSPN for another edition of “This Week with Wrecking Kru” hosted by me, Harry Gobbo! Until next time, have a good day and remember to praise Grumpsh!