Hello again, everyone! This is Harry Gobbo, reporting to you from the studios of OSPN, where we have been reviewing the Cabalvision game between Wrecking Kru and New Orcland Grunts. It had promised to be a Battle of Behemoths, the Thrilla in Orcnilla! Well, it had plenty of raw power and hard hits, several injuries, and more controversy! We interviewed Coach Caven after the game, but saved it for now so that we could do our investigations and review game footage before bringing you this report. The match, as you probably know, ended in a 1-1 draw, which was probably a fair result considering how the cards were stacked against the Kru! The result allows the Kru to remain atop the Iron League/Dungeon West play pool, despite the wishes of the Coaches Board and their nefarious leader, Commissioner Preach. Without further delay, here is Coach Caven.
Coach, much was thought about this game going in. Can you tell us what the Kru expected?
“Thanks, Harry. We knew it was going to be a battle, particularly since it was against the Commish of the MML. As you know, the Commish and the Coaches Board don’t like the Kru, or me, very much, if at all. So, we were prepared for an all out war. We knew they had a couple of players that could bring the pain, and everyone and their dog knows about Leroy Jenkins and his loud mouth. But, we also know that we have some heavy hitters, as well, and our goal was to win the #killbox that Preach loves to brag about. Being one of our five road games, we knew it would be a tough place to play. Convenient that we only get two home games, and neither of them belongs to the Commish, isn’t it?! Anyway, we were prepared to pay a heavy price to win or draw this match.”
You managed to get an important point on the road with the draw. How was the locker room after the match?
“We were thrilled. Pumped. Not overly excited with the draw, because we feel like we could have done a few things differently. Particularly in using the wizard we brought along with us. However, that didn’t work out according to plan. Knowing it was a league appointed wizard, we didn’t really count on much from him. Which was a good thing. We wanted to use him near the halftime on Leroy, but the wizard conveniently had to answer a crystal ball call that was “urgent”. Come to find out, it was from the Coaches Board, threatening to fire him if he acted on our behalf. However, the boys were thrilled because we had caused more injuries than we had sustained, and Whaling Jennings took a heavy blow to the knee which will be with him the rest of his career. We were able to leave the stadium team intact, with a point and the play pool lead. Acceptable.”
Coach, you say there is more to the feud with the Board. Can you elaborate?
“Certainly, Harry. I will start with the Commish. He had contacted me to agree to a playing time and date. That is customary, typical, nothing out of the normal. However, in our conversation, he conveyed a wish “not to kill each other…it may be up to both of us to knock out these dodgy teams in our play pool.” I agreed with him. Even though the Grunts don’t follow the great Orc god Grumpsh, they are still Orcs, and we still have to stick together. We hope to sway them around to Grumpsh one day. However, during our match, three different times, Grunts players piled on a downed Kru team member after a successful block! We had three players injured by the 7th turn of the match. They had reneged on our deal. I should have expected that. As for the “dodgy teams” he was complaining about, I wonder if anyone noticed that the entire Coaches Board was in attendance of the Dignity/Nuffle’s Holy Rollers abomination? That match was a farce and an affront to Blood Bowl! Neither team even tried to play defense! We found out through a friend that the Board approved the plan of both teams to score as often as possible to get as much experience for Holy Roller players before their match with us. They want the High Elves to beat us and knock us from the top of the standings. Moreover, we have attempted twice to establish contact to schedule our game with the Rollers, and have not heard a thing back in five days. We would approach the board with this breach of league etiquette, but we all know how the Board would rule on that one. We have recently gotten information that the Board is in bed with Goblin Gambling, which should come as no surprise. Remember who botched the Dignity playoff game? Remember who refused to do the right thing after that stolen match? Remember who our wizard for the Grunts match was appointed by? We also fully realize that we are being blackballed at every opportunity. Our farm team tries to get in a few matches, but is very rarely granted one. We offer a match, and there are rarely replies. We know the Board has instructed other farm coaches to refuse or ignore our requests. After all, if we can’t develop replacement players on the farm, the Kru goes away in a few short seasons. We would like to proudly state that to date, the Kru have not ever added a player from any farm club, ours included. Every single Kru player is home-grown, with all matches played in the Pros for the Kru.”
Coach Caven, what is the Kru doing to prepare for yet another High Elf team? A match played on the road.
“Harry, we won’t do anything different from before. We will go in trying to injure and kill as many of the High Elves as we can, while maintaining our goal of winning the match. We want to leave that stadium with the full three points, and keep our lead in the play pool. We have added a few skills to our players that might just help us out in that regard, too. Plus, we promise we will play defense, and it won’t be a walk in the park like you saw the other night between the two High Elf squads.”
Well, there you have it! Yet more corruption uncovered from the secretive and manipulative Coaches Board and Commish Preach! Just another instance of the “good ol’ boys” network working against the Kru! Be sure to tune in for our next installment, which will be after the Wrecking Kru travel to play Nuffle’s Holy Rollers, whenever that might be! For now, this is Harry Gobbo saying so long and remember, we support the underdogs against the Evil Empire that is the Coaches Board!