Hello again, everyone! This is Harry Gobbo reporting to you live from the Wrecking Kru’s locker room at the home of the Leaf Dancers. The Kru have won their quarterfinal matchup with the Wood Elves, 1-0, and advance to the semifinals to face the High Elf side, Dignity! This one was a very tight, close game, and could very easily have gone either way. Here with us now is head coach, Caven.
Coach, how did the Kru pull this one out?
“Well, Harry, I will tell you, it was a tough match. The Dancers, as expected, tried to open the field by dodging away from our marks, getting multiple players out into our backfield when they had the ball. They proved to be pretty resilient, when they weren’t able to get away. They withstood most of our hits, with the exception of two linemen, who went to the medical tent. We were fortunate to get a few knock outs, too, which helped when we were on offense. However, the thing that won us the match was something we never really counted on. Stonepuke…”
-Wait, Stonepuke? How is that so, Coach? He is no longer on the team? How could he win the match for you?
“Well, Harry, before you interrupted me, I was going to tell you. You see, unbeknownst to us, Stonepuke made the journey to watch the match. He was outside the field, and I guess since he is a troll, security assumed he was part of the team. They allowed him onto the pitch. We all know Stonepuke has some rather, unique, abdominal issues. Well, the old fathead took a massive dump on the field! The grounds keepers tried to clean it up as best they could, but that is some toxic stuff, and there were remnants left behind. Pardon the pun. Well, the Dancers were doing a great job of staying away from us, keeping us off balance, and had several players in our backfield that were in scoring range. Late in the first half, they had set up their play to go for the go-ahead score. Their thrower was marked along the sideline, and we had good position, but all it would take was a normal dodge for him to be across midfield and within throwing range of several receivers. Well, one of their linemen, who was marked by Gutrad, tried to jump away from him to go and assist their thrower, and lo and behold, Stonepuke. His poo caused the elf to slip onto the turf, and gave us the opportunity to knock the ball carrier down and prevent the first half score. We ran the clock out, with the knowledge that we would get the ball in the second half!”
Simple amazing, Coach! Saved by the poo of Stonepuke! How do you feel about the outcome?
“Well, it is only fitting that Stonepuke’s poo saved us, since he played like poo when he was on our roster! As for the match, we saw several good things. Our guys have a great knowledge of team defense, and how to work together on defense. At one point, the Elves thought they had a good cage and position in the center of the field, but one quick successful blitz by Gutrad, and the rest of the lads closing the noose, caused the Elves to retreat on their next turn and basically reset. We kept their catchers marked pretty well all game, too. When their Wardancer managed a successful leap-blitz on Rotnail, and dislodged the ball, Gutrad was there to pick it up and take it in for the score with only seconds left on the clock. The only real drawback to this match is that Braduk was injured, again, and will miss the Dignity match. That could help us, through inducements, or hurt us, through loss of his block-mighty blow-guard skills. Time will tell.”
Coach, the West has won both of the playoff games that have been played so far. Do you feel that they West is just that much better? This goes back to last season, when the West went 4-0 in the first round. What gives?
“Well, the only thing I can say is style of play, really. I think you saw that last season with our matchup with the Lizardman team, and again today with the Wood Elves. The West plays more traditional Blood Bowl. Reduce your opponents numbers through physical play, control the clock, and protect the ball. Our opponents, so far through last season and this game, have chosen to score quickly, stay away from our markers, and try to play defense. Unfortunately for them, there is usually too much time on the clock for us, and we are able to take advantage of it.”
Coach, what do you expect next week from Dignity? Have you followed their exploits through team reporter Alan Mittag?
“Harry, I’m going to tell you what many people don’t know. Alan is a close friend of mine! You see, we went to different schools together. My sister’s boyfriends’ counsins’ next-door-neghbor dated Alan’s cousin’s sister! We are practically family! So, yes, I have followed Dignity, as has everyone else in the MML. I don’t approve of how they have treated my friend Alan. Those arrogant High Elves will be in store for a very physical game, if I have my way. Of course, being elves, we expect them to use their superior agility and leap away from our hits, so we will have to make the ones we do get on them count! It will be a very good test for both teams, in my opinion! Hopefully, we get to play the game at home.”
Well, sports fans, there you have it! An amazing tale of accidental victory! Coming up next week, Dignity! Stay tuned to OSPN and be prepared for one great semifinal matchup! This is Harry Gobbo, saying so long! And remember, if it’s fit to print, it’s not in here!