Hello again, sports fans, and welcome to another edition of Orc Sports Programming Network! I’m Harry Gobbo, here at ‘Ome Turf, home stadium of the defending MML Champions, the Wrecking Kru! The Kru opened their title defense against an upstart Lizardman team, the Dragonborn Tidefighters. The Tidefighters were granted a huge sum of inducements to come play the Season 4 opening game, and they made the most of it! They brought along a halfling master chef, who managed to inspire the Tidefighters into several extra rolls, while taking away the Orc resolve to redo an action. The Kru won the toss and decided to kick to the Tidefighters, who quickly drove down and scored halfway through the first half. Unfortunately for them, they committed the same mistake that many of the Kru’s opponents have; they left too much time on the clock. The Kru expertly drove down the field, and blitzer Graoth managed to escape a double team and dodged to the equalizer with a little time to spare. The reset resulted in nothing for the Tidefighters, so the half ended 1-1, with the Kru set to receive the second half kick. Usually the recipe for victory for the home team, today yielded a different result. The Tidefighters managed to knock out five Kru players, including star blitzer Gutrad, leaving the Orcs in a desperate fight to maintain possession of the ball. The Kru masterfully managed to get clear of the Tidefighters line, if only for a moment, when thrower Rotnail managed to cross midfield, but then slipped on the icy field and lost possession. The remaining time in the second half was spent trying to gain control of the ball, which the opposing skinks found hard to do. The second half whistle blew, finalizing a draw between the two sides. Now, to Coach Caven for an exclusive first interview!
Coach, what are your thoughts about the game and the results?
“Well, Harry, it was our third match in four games against Lizardman teams. We are getting really tired of the scaly freaks! We don’t perform well against them, and their normally fragile skink runners seem to gain armor class against us. We get some good, open hits on them, and they manage to avoid injury. The Tidefighters put up a great battle, and us losing our rerolls to the master chef didn’t help matters. We had to play more cautiously than we normally would, and the sudden blizzard in the second half compounded matters. Even though we feel we should have won the match, we feel fortunate to leave with the draw, considering the circumstances of this one.”
Coach, your next game is a pivotal match against Bill Cowher Power Hour. How do you approach this one?
“Well, it is definitely an important game. We already trail our division by 2 points, so we can’t afford a loss here. Add to that, the Power Hour is probably our biggest rival, and greatest threat, on paper, to our title defense from our division and conference. We are fortunate that they will be missing two beastmen, but they are still a very formidable force, and we will not be playing for a draw this time. The Wrecking Kru will be playing for three points and an advantage down the road against the Power Hour.”
You mentioned injuries to Power Hour. How are the Kru holding up after the physical match against the Tidefighters?
“Well, it certainly was physical, which usually benefits us. But today, our guys seemed to be still hungover from the celebration. We’ve been informed by our physician that Morkzog will miss the next match, as he took a crushing hit from a Saurus early in the game. The rest of the boys will be available, despite suffering some dings and bruises in this one. Having only five available players on the pitch midway through the second half made for a very difficult game. I was proud of the way the boys handled the adversity, and indeed, weathered the storm. I hope we show a little more toughness next week.”
Speaking of toughness, what about Stonepuke?
“That Troll is going to be the death of me! He is soft, can’t remember a darn thing, and is as slow as molasses in January! If I could trade him to another team for a mop and bucket, I’d jump at the chance, and I’d feel that we got the better end of the deal! He has really been underachieving in his career, and we don’t ask him to do much. Not that he would remember it, anyway. We use him as a marker and space taker, and he still fails! I’d take a handful of castrated goblins over Stonepuke. I have notified his agent that if we don’t see marked improvement in our next match, he will be looking for another team. And I feel sorry for anyone that signs him!”
Strong words, Coach. Any last thoughts on this one?
“We are going to pray to Nuffle everyday leading up to the Power Hour match, and probably sacrifice a few skinks to please the dice god. He didn’t help us out at all today, and admittedly, he has been good to us the previous three matches. We need to stay in his good graces. We might even have that reporter, April O’Neil, perform some acts with our blitzers in Nuffle’s temple, just to make sure we cover all the bases. She is quite capable, as long as she doesn’t speak!”
Well, there you have it, ladies and germs! You heard it first here on OSPN, live from ‘Ome Turf and the Wrecking Kru, following a 1-1 draw with upstart Dragonborn Tidefighters! We invite you to stay tuned for next week’s issue, following an important match between the Kru and the Power Hour! That’s all for now, and remember, if it’s fit to print, it’s not in here!