An Interview with The Cold Hard Truth

An Interview with The Cold Hard Truth

by Alan Mittag

Following the epic final to season 2, I was able to catch an interview with Coach Sestonn and a few players from The Cold Hard Truth, season 2 Champions.

It was a very humid, but clear and sunny day at the Truth’s Stadium, The Terrorium.  It is a simple stadium nestled in the swampy marshlands, in deep need of repair.  No doubt funding for the stadium was redirected to team replacements after such a violent season.

As I waited on the driest patch of land I could find, I finally see Coach Sestonn emerge from the tall grass.  He carries himself with an aura of pride, despite having to struggle every step just to pull his feet free of the mud.  The three players from the Cold Hard Truth who follow behind have no such trouble with the terrain; the monstrous Kroxigor , one of the team’s powerful saurus, and a tiny skink hiding behind them.

It was here that I asked the series of questions I had been working on all day.

“Coach Sestonn, congratulations on your victory over The Frozen Thrones last Friday.”

He answered, “Thank you.  It was a tough battle, but I’m proud of my guys and the job they did out there.”

“Is there anything in particular that you attribute this victory too?”

“A lot of things went right for us, but if I had to pick one thing it would be our level of teamwork*.  Even before the season started, when we only had five saurus and six skinks, I was proud of our level of teamwork.  It gave us an edge over our opponents.”

Then I asked what everyone wanted to know.  “Many of the Truth’s fans have wondered how you can do so well coaching a team with so many low level saurus.  What’s your secret?”

Coach Sestonn laughed.  “Well, I didn’t keep such untrained saurus on purpose, but this was a rough season and we had three die, one just after learning how to make a good proper block.  But my secret?  That has got to be the level of teamwork.  That’s what The Cold Hard Truth is about.  Every player knows his job and trusts his teammates to do theirs.  Although an individual’s effort is appreciated, they act like a team.  They think as a team.”

“What was your strategy for dealing with The Frozen Thrones?”

“To tell the truth, I didn’t think we would walk out with a victory.  Dwarf Longbeards are legendary tacklers, and that can be very dangerous to a lizardman team that depends on its skinks.  But I was determined to give it our all.  First, I tried to keep the skinks as far away from those tacklers as I could.  Second, I knew that if this became an all-out brawl, the dwarves would bash their way to victory against my untrained saurus.  So I tried to use the saurus as a defensive wall rather than the forceful power line that was probably expected.  Our Kroxigor just learned Break Tackle after our semi-final with the Innsmouth Deep Ones, and although I was hesitant to depend on him, he really did great.  He even showed a sign that he has started to accept the others and become part of the team.”

“Is it alright if I ask him some questions?”

“You can try.”

The coach pulled a device from his pocket, gave it three quick squeezes and released three sharp clicks.  The Kroxigor’s attention immediately turned to him and he rose to his full height, casting a shadow over this reporter.

“This is Kro’lotha,” Sestonn said.

“Kro’lotha, do you have anything you want to say to your fans after that fantastic game?”

I waited a long moment for an answer and didn’t give up until his shoulders relaxed and his eyes disconnected from us.

“He doesn’t talk much.”

“How about the saurus,” I asked.

“You can try.  This is Gortlaqs, our most trained saurus.  He showed his stuff against The Frozen Throne dwarves, meeting block with block on several occasions.”

“Gortlaqs, is there anything you want to say to your fans?”

I held my notebook ready, but after another long moment I got the feeling that the mighty saurus was closer to an animal than a man.  He was a creature of instinct and training, not raw intellect.  The skink behind him looked up at me and started to chuckle, “He doesn’t talk.  You’re dummy.”  The skink’s excited voice was in complete monotone.

“This is Hoahex,” Sestonn said.

Finally, glad to meet a lizardman that could speak I knelt down and peered around the saurus’s leg.  “It’s good to meet you, Hoahex.”

His head and eyes darted back and forth as if he was expecting a black orc to leap from the shadows and eat him.

“Is there anything you want to say to your fans, Hoahex?”

The little skink stepped between the saurus legs, looked me dead in the eyes, and said in the same monotone voice, “I like when I get the ball.”

I started to laugh, but the motion must have been too sudden.  The skink jumped back and the Saurus roared at me, crumbling me down into the mud with the force of his breath alone.  His powerful foot kicked me over and held me down.   He leaned forward, I can only assume to grip my head in his mouth and rip it from my shoulders.  I cringed away from the rows of razor sharp teeth.  What must have been only a second went on in slow motion.  I thought I was going to die.  A series of clicks from Sestonn’s device snapped the Saurus back to his attention.  The creature let me up and I scurried away as quick as I could.  The interview was over.  I needed to change my pants.


*teamwork = Team Rerolls