This post is part of the series The Big Bad Wight
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ONCE UPON A TIME, there was a Big, Bad Wight, who made it his business to toughen up a bunch of sappy, pillow-fighting necromantics named after rom coms.
The orcs had just enough time for a goblin throw to tie the match up before the half. As Sleepless in Seattle kicked the ball into the air, he was distracted by the stampede of angry orc fans running onto the field. They knocked over Wyre the Lethal, who was standing right next to him, then barreled over toward the left side of his end zone and floored Jealous Again, Velcro Candy, and Groundhog Day, the Romantics’ lesser-known ghoul. Sleepless’s kick sailed into and out of the back of the orc’s end zone.
A follow-on mob ran straight down the line of scrimmage, knocking down both flesh golums. The zombie Prime Time narrowly avoided getting trampled by ducking between the troll Rusty Iron Jaw’s legs (good thing his nose had rotted off, so he couldn’t smell the fromunda). The retaliatory necro fan mob was small by comparison, managing to grab only the Orc Named “Sue” by the sidelines and pummel him into senselessness.
The refs, trying to hurry the match to halftime to avoid this pitch invasion from turning into a full-scale riot, did not stop play. They quickly stuffed the ball into the surprised arms of the black orc Grunk Rubekowski, who, wanting no part of anything to do with anything that didn’t involve hitting something, immediately trotted it to the goblin Fred “Fingers” Goblowski. Fingers was eager to do the one thing he was hired to do: fly! He tugged on Rusty’s soiled loin cloth, yelling at him to throw him for the TD. A wide path to the end zone had been cleared by the mob; the left side of the end zone was open pastures!
Rusty reached down, picked up the excited goblin, reared back for a game-tying touchdown pass, and… then he noticed Atlach the Cadaverous lying on the ground at his feet…Atlach, who had been pushing him and his fellow orcs around all match, making them look stupid…matching their strength, even Rusty’s…standing firm whenever they tried to push him. Rusty dropped the incredulous Fingers, who was screaming all kinds of obscenities at him, and began stomping on Atlach. 4 of his fellow orcs joined in, until Benny ‘Da Shank ran across the field and delivered the final flurry of blows to his spine, pinching one of his nerves and eliminating him from the rest of the match, probably along with the next. The refs, still looking for any excuse to end the half quicker, threw Da Shank out of the match, drawing spirited boos from the orc crowd!
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