Blitz to the future: Blitzkriegers vs Hisssstory of Violence

AS the Blitzkriegers vs Hissstory of violence game should stand next week, coach Stunty went to a clairvoyant wizard to know how it’s gonna be. Here is the detail of predictions, turn by turn. Everybody hopes this is gonna be helpfull when the game really stands…


Stadium arrival: the trip went on well for the team, and everybody takes place: players go on the field, staff and subs got to the pit and sit down in the safe zone ; except Gaesmal who sits in the wounded zone. “Sorry coach, my habits” explains the player to Stunty as he finally sits down in the proper area. The game can begin, Blitzkriegers win the toss. As everybody sets up, Coach Stunty ask the referee for the 457th times why couldn’t we just stop the game and consider the toss winning team as the final winner. The referee sighed.

Turn 1: As Blitzkriegers won the toss, hissstory players set to make sure they’ll take back the ball in no time. Blitzkriegers arrives a bit after, very self-confidents. Except Gaesmal, who grumbles about his feet being squeezed in his shoes. As the ball is kicked, it’s a bit long and it arrives in the stands. Gaesmal’s brother, who came to support him (and mostly because it was free), is hited by the ball. He dies straight, as the nail goes deep in his head. On the pitch, wingers start to run throught the defense, while coach is wondering why nothing happens in the center zone, where his players are supposed to smash opponents. Looking closely, he sees the three dark elves tossing to know who will have to look after the Kroxigor. Stunty takes his head in his hands as Hissstory reacts, breaking two of his hesitating linemen. Turning back to ask Gaesmal to go warm up, he stops as he sees many scares on his player’s arms and hands: “who the hell leted him cut the oranges with a real knife??”

Turn 2: As a skink come close, Lidhil decides to pass the ball. Unfortunatly he sneezes just when passing, but the ball takes a perfect run and arrives to Banlaen. This one dodges 4 opponents plus 3 a bit further, runs to the touchdown but trips on his feet and fall before scoring. A skink grabs the ball and takes place in the center of a cage made of Saurus. Seeing the cage, coach Stunty runs in the pit corner, curls up and cries, repeating words without sense.

Turn 3: The cage is going well, as nobody moves because the game to decide who will go in between dark elves players ends on its 12th draw in a raw. Banlaen decides that something must be done: he starts running, dodges all Saurus cageing players, says hello to the ball carrier, keeps on running, jumps above the Kroxigor, and arrives to the side of the field to sign autographs. Meanwhile, as  cage still goes on, coach Stuntie starts peeling oranges with his teeth.

Turn 4: The linemen game finally ends, as there’s only one of them still standing up. He runs to the ball carrier, prepares his hit, and faints. he just didn’t see a Saurus in time. Hissstory of Violence scores, 1-0.

Turn 5: This time, Dark elves decides to cage themselves. But it doesn’t work: every players agree to be in the center of it but none of them accepts to be on the side. Saurus ans Skinks starts a strip poker to spend time, and it’s Mikasa who finishes naked. Thanksfully, that doesn’t disconcentrate Blitzkriegers, mainly because they were concentrated on arguing.

Turn 6: this is now Bane who is naked.

Turn 7: Bane considers Komodo cheated to poker, and a brawl starts. Seeing a cage is maybe not usefull anymore, Lidhil starts running.

Turn 8: Lidhil scores, the closest opponent being at 15 yards and hands full of cards and/or clothes. half time, 1-1, 3 dark elves out, 1 Dead naked and bad loser Saurus. Gaesmal grimaces: he has no choice but to enter the pitch. as he trips on stairs leading there, he still hears her mother’s words: “You know you’re different sweetie, that’s why I love you so much; now don’t forget you’re first aid kit when leaving home anymore”.

Turn 9: A riot prevents the game to restart, making teams losing one turn. During the riot, no serious wounds were to deplore, except the death of a Blitzkriegers fan. The autopsy will determintate that it was Gaesmal’s cousin, who got burned to death by a very hot sausage.

Turn 10: The game restarts. Skinks grab the ball, and set up a cage with Saurus; coach Stunty faints, after hitting 23 times the wall with his head. His players set their defense at a respective distance from Saurus, but in a discplined way. First proper team move of the game for Blitzkriegers, Stuntman is getting more and more confident, well as much as he can at least. A bit further from main action, a Saurus salutes the crowd with his hand. Not on purpose his move hits Gaesmal who was dodging the Krokigore’s attack. “This guy is a real smash magnet, there might be something to do with it in futures games” thinks the coach.

Turn 11: Drama for dark elves, as Hissstory decides to push: 3 other dark elves out. Gaesmal wakes up at that moment, cheering as he considers the worst is gone.

Turn 12:  The few remaining dark elves are defending with fury, and the cage has to make a circular move. The move goes well, nothing to notice except something glued under Kroxigor’s shoe. Looking at it closely, it’s no big deal, just Gaesmal who were stumped during the move.

Turn 13: Heroics is not enough in Blood Bowl and it’s a 2-1 for Hissstory.

Turn 14: “When you can’t win a game, don’t lose it”, thinks Stuntman. He asks his team to push to tie, and every elf runs in opponent’s side to be in position to recieve the pass next turn. Saurus tries to prevent any pass way, but Banlaen knows what to do.

Turn 15: Business as usual: Lidhil pass, Banlaen dodges, recieves, dodges, dodges, dodges, scores. 2-2.

Turn 15 – 16: Stunty tries his secret weapon: Xiaoyan starts to dance. He expects opponents to be kind of hypnotised by so much sensuality so they’ll forget to attack. It works, but not the way he thought: thinking it’s a game, skinks don’t look after the ball and just imitate the witch. Just as they get bored and ready to go back to game, the referee whistles the end. “This is gonna be a looong season”, concludes Stunty as he slips slowly but surely into despair…