Blitz To The Future: Blitzkriegers vs Leaf Dancers

– Our witch saw the Blitzkriegers vs Leaf Dancers game. For real Blood Bowl fans, just know that the real game will be played tonight. For nice announcers, just know that we need YOU on this game ! But never mind ; as Stunty likes to do it, he went one more time to see what this witch forseened. Least we can say is that this game is the One to watch this season.

As both teams arrive on the pitch, Gaesmal asks the coach why do woodies use witches. Stunty starts explaining him that « they’re no witches but wardancers, no girls but real (!) men, and therefore do not pass them the ball. » Noticeing the misunderstood air in his player’s eyes, Stunty decides he’ll be sub. No risk taken there, and for once he doesn’t think of Gaesmal’s health when saying it.

Meanwhile, Wardancers stop and stare at dark elf pom pom girls : yes gentlemen, THIS is dance. So you can’t dance, and you can’t make war with those strings armors, but you keep calling yourself Wardancer ? « Those woodies must have a bigger sens of humour thant I thought » concludes Didi.

The two teams are up now, and kick off will be given in a few seconds. The Flip Bouncers will start the game. On the pitch side, Gaesmal is disappointed : he can’t try his new vicious tricks.

As the ball is kicked, Half of Teeth Dealers team leaves the pitch. As Referee asks Coach Ponghines what’s going on, he answers that apparently, his president forgot to pay journeymen. Before the ref says more, Ponghines already answers the not-asked-yet question : « yes, half of the team is composed with journeymen ».

After president finally pays his due, the game can start, but one turn was lost for each team. «  First time players do fans’ job » concludes the referee, not being sure of what should be done.

Turn 2  Woodies: A woodie (don’t ask me which one, we all know nobody cares about them « nice » elves) picks the ball, makes 4 yards in Moonwalk and gives it to a Wardancer. Seeing his look, the woodie understands that he still must train on dance. Wardancer runs with the ball, pass it perfectly 48 yards further, waits for the fan to send it back, throw it again, manages another perfect pass from 78 yards, get the ball back, dodges four dark elves, jump above coach Didi, and finally scores, cheering at fans. The ref takes back the ball and spend 140 minutes explaining that « yes Mister Wood Elf that was wonderfull, yes it was perfect, yes it was amazing, yes you’re so beautifull, but no, you can’t pass ball to fans and keep on playing then, at least without a consequent bribe ».

Turn 2 Dark elves : Coach Stuntie is getting extremely nervous as his team doesn’t seem to care about the ball. Gaesmal finally explains him that they are working on woodies’ strategy.

« How that ? Which Strategy ?

– The one where you go rear pretending to go front, excellent idea !

– You’re not talking about Moonwalk, please don’t tell me that ??

– See Coach ? Even the name of it is great. We’ll win MML with such a fantastic strategy ! »

Stuntman cries.

Turn 3 Woodies : A fan jumps on Coach Ponghines, trying to scalp him with the game program. It’s actually not a fan, but Gaesmall using his new vicious tactics.

Turn 3 Dark elves : Looks like the Moonwalk will soon have no secret for the team anymore.

Turn 4 Woodies : As the team is going well among those dancer apprentices that are dark elves at that moment, Coach Ponghines feels distressed and ask a peanut seller to come. At the moment when the seller gives him his change, he tries to murder the coach with a particulary resilient fry. It was Gaesmal, trying his new vicious tricks.

Turn 4 Dark Elves : That’s three turns Woodies have the ball and no one does anything. That’s too much for Talmael, who smashes ball carrier’s head with a finger. Dark elves have the ball, woodies complain to referee that he should do something : what is he doing, allowing punches during a dance lesson ?

Turn 5 WE : As woodies runs after the ball, Ponghines remember stories seen in tabloids about Lidhil. He asks his wardancer to dance again ; Lidhil, with a love air in the eye, gives him the ball and ask him for his phone number, saying it would be really nice we see each other much more.

Turn 5 DE : Stunty asks his witch why on hell isn’t she as sexy as usual today.

Turn 6  WE : The Wardancer scores, and huggs his teamates to celebrate. He struggles to get rid of Lidhil, who came as well to celebrate such a beautyful scorer.

Turn 7 WE : as teams set up, ponghines is advised that a very urgent messenger awaits him. Arriving to him, the messenger tries to cut his throat with the paper. It was Gaesmal, trying his new vicious tricks.

Turn 7 Dark Elves : « When you don’t know what to do, ask your best player to run and score » remembers Didi. His orders are well followed : after Kick Off, Lidhil is being given the ball.

Turn 8 Woodies : No one manage to stop Lidhil

Turn 8 DE : Just before the line, Lidhil blitzes to open a way to the Wardancer. « This is for you Sweetie », says him while giving him the ball, with his phone number written on it. ” I hope it will remain readable during the whole game”, thinks the dark Elf with a slice of fear.

As the Ref wistles half, the Beef Takers are leading 1-0.

Turn 9 DE : Now that coach Stunty finally managed to convince Lidhil that « of course, you have the right to think about sex while being a Blood Bowl player, but still, do it one after the other, both together doesn’t work », kick off is given. Lidhil recieves the ball ; as Ponghines understands his plan won’t work anymore, he uses plan B.

Turn 9 WE : a lightning strikes Lidhil, leaving him unconscious. Before anybody reacts, a WE journeyman picks up the ball and runs to the TD zone, alone.

Turn 10 DE:as the whole team runs after the woody, as he mysteriously stops right on the line.

Turn 11 WE : Ponghines negociates with his journeyman who refuses to score without an « extra » reward

Turn 12 DE : as no one understands if the negociation is going well or not, dark elves start training Moonwalk again. Stunty decides at that very moment to rejoin More_Shots on the holy way of Alcohol.

Turn 13 WE : The TD will finally be paid 150 extra gold. 2-0 for Leap Dozens. Ponghines asks money to his assistant, but only gets an explosive coin in the hand, that slightly explodes in a pathetic silence. That wasn’t his assistant but Gaesmal, trying his new vicious tricks.

Turn 14 DE : As everything goes wrong and without any proper solution, Stunty tries everything : Gaesmal will enter the pitch.

Turn 14 Wood Elves : the game is coming to its end, woodies start taking distance with opponents, because « Of course I can play with 4 journeymen, but I ensure you it’s better when regular players survives » as Ponghines often tells his president.

Turn 15 Dark Elves : Gaesmal, feeling his hour has come, takes the ball and go straight to the TD, protected by his teammates.

Turn 15 Woodies : There’s no way they can take the ball back ; but moreover there’s no way they would even take the smaller risk for that, being sure to win anyway.

Turn 16 DE : Gaesmal is almost there, he knows he’ll impress the whole stadium. « Time for people to fully see every little thing I can do », thinks he while agressing a woodie down on his way. Unfortunatly, before he can even score, the ref wistle a fault. His fault.

Tunr 16 WE : A wardancer comes, and doing his best to keep the tradition, he terribly wounds Gaesmal, almost sending him to the coroner. Some things will never change.


  1. Very entertaining, Didi! “Please do one after the other; NOT same time”, lol

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