Christmas comes early for Hairy!

In a diseased village on a remote island far from any civilised population, Hairy Warthog sat amongst the diseased followers of Nurgle teaching them a few plays and tactics on the astrogranite. As he was explaining the best way to disembowel a Wardancer with one horn he was alerted by a particularly vile rotter that there had been a delivery of a parcel for him. Knowing that only his caretaker coach of the Thugz was the only person who knew his whereabouts he made his way over too see what had arrived. A large wooden crate with air holes in had been sent to him by Santa Shots and a sealed parchment from the MML coaches board sealed with their official seal.

He opened the parchment and to his surprise he realised he had been nominated coach of the month! He did not expect this honour and would like to thank everyone involved. Hairy has had a very difficult year with his personal life and still suffers with his own thoughts from time to time, but has found a welcome distraction from what is in his head with being in the MML and in announcing other matches. He would like to thank you all from the bottom of his black and twisted heart. Thank you.

Eagerly he began to open the wooden crate from Santa Shots. He thought it was strange how all the airholes on one side had been blocked up yet the other side had plenty of holes. Ripping open the planks holding the left of the crate together the wood clattered to the ground and hundreds of flies flew out to join the millions of flies already in the village. A vile smell wafted out of the box, something he hadn’t smelt in a long time. It brought a smile to his face and a tear to his eye. “How thoughtful”, he said to himself as he looked upon the decomposing corpse of a very dead Wardancer. “That will make a nice centre piece for my dinner table”, he announced, “but first, removed his head, I want a new hat”! Making his way to the other side of the crate, the one with holes in, he tried to see through the gaps at what may be inside. He saw movement and heard giggling. Quickly he ripped open the crate and there before him was the cutest, most scantily clad Witch Elf he had ever seen! “Wow”! He exclaimed, grabbing her by the hand and dragging her into his mud hut! “Fellas! Just work through the drills I showed you about blocking and tackling, do not interupt me till the morning, I shall be entertaining this young lady tonight and I haven’t got much time before she catches one of your diseases and comes out in bulbous oozing sores or drops down dead! Actually………..I might still keep her even then”!

He slammed the door of his hut and could be heard shouting , “thank you Santa Shots! Thank you”.

Hairy didn’t emerge from his hut till lunchtime, looked quite dishevelled but with a grin on his face. He shouted over to a waiting pestigor, “do us a favour mate, get rid of that Witch Elf, she’s starting to stink abit and the flies are very distracting”, he then walked off muttering something about Goblin Gambling and revenge.


  1. Nice…. Don’t get me wrong, conjuring many horrific images… But very nice story. Glad Hairy has enjoyed his gifts! πŸ˜€

  2. Nice on! Looking forward to hear you announcing again, my favourite brit ;)! (damn internet shut down, I feel like living in middle age)

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