Da Rorcs Iz Chattin’ Blodgenodge Abowt Ow Da Seezonz Bin.

CHRIS: Howz it bin goin’ ladz? Ow we bin doin’ this season? Da guvs wanna know innit.

Well, we gets a lotta drawers. And we puts em in da cupboard. Which ain’t good for da coach. Coz dats where ee iz livin.

We gets a few wins too. But we is Rorcs, we don’t drink win. We iz drinking fungicol! Maybe we iz not drinking enuff and dats why we iz getting all da drawers.

Anywayz, we’ll let da lads tell it ow it is for demselves.

I iz Chrysolite Chris. I az got da Chrysolite stone. It ain’t easy ta say but it looks pretty OK. It’s green. Like me. I iz now been called Lumberjack Chris, since I takes out dem Elfswodges tree wiv me pile driver. Yeah – I gets a lotta thumps on me back for dat one. I iz also a killa. A Muuuuuuurrrrrrderer. Like, I takes out dat Saurus “Rolling Stone” in the lizards game. I killz im rollin stone dead hahahahahaha. Yeah I iz prolly da best on da team.

SIMON: Wot you swotting about Chris. You is just a thumpajack! All you does is thumping. You don’t get no hands on da ball. Only I iz getting hands on da ball and dat makes me da bestist. You dindnst do naffing against dem three trees last game. You didn’t kill noswodge for game on game. I iz da best. I iz Sardonyx Simon. My stone ain’t naffing special ta look at, like me, but it as got da true power. I az seen da best players in da pool listin’ and I az been at da top!

SAM: Argh, Simon, I iz sick ov your nonswodge. You is getting a frenzy smash if you don’ts stop swaggering and yapping. I IZ SAM! I IZ DA BEST! Sapphire Sam, da Frenzy tackler – maniac of da Mines. I IZ da won day iz all fearing’. Not you, not, Chris. I even scored a touchdown one game. I fink.

ELVIS: Hahahahahaha. You reckon you iz da feared one Sam? You couldn’t even play against da Elves. You woz tucked up in bed like a sick lil humie wingebag. Woz da point in takin tackle if you iz missing da game against da Elves? Chris is right, da green stones are da best. I iz Emerald Elvis. And we green stone boyz is making em knuckle knock dare lickle knees wit scardyblob coz we az got da Mighty Mighty Blow! AND ON TOP A DAT – I iz even scoring’ da touchdown last game against the lil half guys. You woz doin nuffink.

RORCSIN: Oi Oi Elvis, don’t forget I was doin da good frow for you ta get dat score. I getz some credit for dat one.


CHAZ: Errrrr, yeah Rorcsin, but don’t faggets dat you dropped da ball da game before against the elfswodges innit. If it weren’t for all dem Rorcs fans in the crowd, throwing it to Simon, we wudda lost dat game. Still you az cumm a long way since you was just a Simon fanboy, so you iz OK wi me.

HEDONIHILIST: Chaz, you are an outstanding Rorc. I really appreciate your generosity of spirit. Chacedony Chaz here lads, if you wanna know, with the light blue Chalcendony stone, even took tackle as his skill up against the Elves, to fill in for Sam while he was in bed. What a guy.

SID: OI coach, don’t you fink we should be remembering all dem Rorcs as died dis season too?

HEDONIHILIST:  That’s a good idea Sardius Sid, you go right ahead.

SID: Well, first we lost Beryl. Poor Beryl. Her mushroom was da feminine type which day is saying is not existing’ coz we iz all mushroom stuff, but I say this, Beryl was a lovely lass. When I is feeling down, she punches me so hard I iz forgotten all aboutsit.  We miss Beryl.

BETTY: You as got me now. Ya dont needs err.

SID: Well yeah, but its not da same Betz. Sorry. Same stone. Different Rorc. You as not even got da Block skill.

BETTY: But I iz gettin’ punched to da ground twenty times a game so dats gotta count for summing.

SID: Twenty? Wots dat? A numba? You iz too smart for a Rorc Betz. Hmmmmmm. Me too though. Always gettin knocked down. Perhaps we shud try and stay standin more. Anywayz. We also lost Tony. He had iz moment way back in da farm, when e scored dat touchdown, but since then, its like iz ‘eart weren’t in it. And when ee got injured and ‘at to miss a game, well, after dat e was never imself. Twas for da best e getz killed. Topaz Terry Toker az took iz stone, and filled iz place and iz doin alright so far. Tho e smokes too much a da squigdrop. Den der woz… errr… sum lino … errr…

ALEX: Oi, ya don’t even remember Jacinth Joe’s name Sid? I fort you woz da nice guy? Us linos iz gettin punched loadsa timez every game. All we can do iz tryan survive it and you iz not even noticin. I iz put up against a bleedin treeman two games runnin – And I goez da distance against em. Wot you got datz as goodasdat?

JASPER & CRAIG: You az also forgot about us uvva lino lads as well…


CHRIS: OI, wot iz dis ere? We iz not lettin dese linos talk fa da team!!

CRAIG: But we…




ELVIS: Oooooooo, you iz gonna regret dat…

HEDONIHILIST: Guys calm down… OWWWWWWWW, my Leg!!!!!

CHRIS: Was dat you Craig?

CRAIG: Yes Boss

CHRIS: HAHA. Dats good. You iz a Rorc after all. Welcome to da team.

RORCSIN WUN BASKET: EEE Chris iz not da Boss – Simon iz da boss!!


Hedonihilist: That’s that. The undefeated Rorcs – Nuffle only knows how.

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