Five Lies That Drumphkins Tell Themselves

Drumphkins intent on rallying around Drump are falling prey to self-delusion. The logical errors and inconsistencies are piling up.

1. Drumph eitehr will change his ludicrous proposals or the MML will stop him from going overboard. That assumes Brettonians will actually stand up to Drumph, a dubious proposition given that hey won’t do so now. And it assumes that Drumph won’t act in defiance of the MML. The MML certainly cannot stop him from rattling allies, buddying up with media harlot April O’Niel or ordering the referees to commit pitch crimes. And if the MML really had the power to defuse every misstep, then why not just elect a gnome? After all, the MML would be there to check them as well.

2. If he changes policies, Drumph will be fine. This is akin to saying the Grunts only problem was speed. Drumph’s policies not only are dangerous but also evidence of a deliberate ignorance and moral vapidity. Do we imagine that Drumph will suddenly realize everything he has been saying is daft? The arguement is that Preach has been divisive, arrogant, surrounded by yes men, prone to using the instruments of executive power for political ends, delusional about the state of the MML and illiterate. Drumph, we would argue, is as bad – or worse than – Preach on each count.

3. Drumph knows he needs to be more “presidential.” There is no chance of that happening anytime soon. Many Brettonians “are concerned about repeated comments singling out people for criticism on a basis of race, ethnicity or coaching ability…Many Brettonians are also unnerved by Drumph’s decision to continue picking fights with fellow Brettonians and to spend time and resources campaigning in Elven lands and other places where he is extremely unlikely to win favor – or a game!” reported a Brettonian news paper. Maybe they should have thought about all that before endorsing him…

4. Drumph will get smart advisers.  We are still waiting for them to show up during his campaign. Once gaining office, presidents tend to retreat into an ever-shrinking cocoon of political loyalists whose judgement and coaching expertise are questionable. If Drumph is starting with Sturmjarl, imagine how dreadful things will be a few seasons into his term. Given how erratic and toxic Drumph views are, it is hard to imagine too many deft dodgy players joining his teams.

5. There is no other choice for Brettonia.  Well, the “Hail Mary” candidacy of Drumph may be well off the ground, but League delegates have the power to demand that Drumph release his coaching records. One of the better-known Chaos Coaches, for example, could decide to run again. Brettonians can vote the Gnomitarian ticket. they can leave the top of the ticket blank. What is, however, becoming obvious is that the personal embarrassment – is joining the herd to back Drumph. Drumph will eventually fade from the scene, but the stain of supporting him will last a lifetime.

In sum, many Brettonians are convincing themselves that this election is the most important election ever, that no future election will be as consequential as that failure to put Drumph in the seat will be the ruin of Brettonia. That simply is not true.

There is an alternative.

This message has been a paid editorial sponsored by: Preach for Brettonia, “A Chicken in Every Garage!”









  1. Maybe the Bretonnian people need their Elven betters to take care of them? We would guarantee a cleaner, better smelling Bretonnia that won’t disgust its visiting tourists with the gut wrenching stench of unwashed masses. #FreeSoap #RoyaltyForPresident

  2. “All of this turmoil… upheaval… sounds like Mousillon is ripe for a nice bit of WAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHH…!!!

    Robshank… lube up the war tractor! Gorbag, put Louise down, if these Mousillon ponces get to the playoffs we’re having a gangbang! We’re havin a ball!!! Once we’re finished with them we’ll take their city as our new training ground!

    Derek – who’s this April O’Neill she sounds waaaaaaay better than you bud.”

  3. If, very big IF, I make it to the playoffs, Drumph is going to be even more unbearable, lo!.
    #is that even possible?..the unbearable part that is…and the playoffs
    #Making Bretonnia Almost Competitive Again

Join the Conversation